There was a huge brouhaha during the filming of this reunion. Dina didn’t want Ashley/Ashlee anywhere near her and tried to have her removed from the site, even though Ashley/Ashlee was there to do hair and makeup for a couple of the Housewives. Dina, apparently, was inspired by Cersei Lannister, and her hair and choice of outfit was a tribute to one of the most evil women on Game of Thrones. Namaste, Dina.
Andy wants to talk about Teresa’s and Joe’s legal problems right off the bat because, frankly, what else is there to talk about? Teresa says that she’s not sleeping well and feels bad that she may not be around to celebrate Milania’s birthday in February. Why is she saying “maybe”? Are the court fairies going to fly down with some magic dust and make her sentence go away? Aside from being more than a little delusional, her answers and demeanor make her look like she’s on some kind of animal tranquilizer. Dina jumps in to support her BFF, telling us that murderers are walking the streets while good girl Teresa has to go to prison. It’s all so unfair, isn’t it? So she and Juicy lied here and there, and maybe they overspent to the tune of $13,000,000. No justice for Teresa, no peace. Teresa also tells Andy that her girls don’t know anything, because, as history as taught her, ignorance is bliss – and sometimes, gets you arrested.
Dina doesn’t think that doing reality television is good for families and creates a toxic environment. Well, no shit, Sherlock. Viewers have been saying that for years. Andy asks her about her “zen” versus “cut a bitch” persona and wants to know if she has any funerals in her head for family members who have crossed her. She says that she doesn’t have mental funerals for family members but has had a couple of wakes. in either scenario, somebody has to be dead. Dina says she’s only taking a break from Caroline and that the really toxic one is she who will not be named – namely Jacqueline. Teresa suddenly breaks out in some hysterical laughter, pointing out that Andy finally realizes how families are smashed to pieces on Bravo. Melissa, who must have taken a milder tranquilizer, says she’s sitting this one out. She’s okay with Teresa. everything’s fine. No one’s the devil this year. Teresa says she never hurt Jacqueline, which probably caused a Twitter maelstrom by Jacqueline.
Andy asks Melissa about the new garbage/recycling/destroy all the evidence business that Joe’s now involved in. She says that Joe is doing well – at everything – trash, building houses. Speaking of houses, she also says that their old McMansion is sold. Is that true? What happened to the guy who was taking care of the resident raccoons?
Andy moves on to Amber and her storyline, which is “the cancer” and her miniature Doberman husband, Jim. She says that he’s a gentle lion. She also tells Andy that she would never play the cancer card for sympathy or attention. She came on the show to bring awareness for breast cancer survivors. Oh stop it! Really, just stop. No one goes on reality TV to bring awareness to anything other than themselves and their crappy products. The twins, Nicole and Teresa 2, don’t like Jim at all. Well, who among us does? They think he verbally abuses Amber. Andy says that he’s a disaster on social media. He is. He verbally abuses verbs and nouns in 140 characters or less.
Now it’s time for Kathy and Rosie to join the other ladies. Andy wants to talk about the dictionary that was given to Teresa. He thinks they all need a dictionary and shows some clips of their bastardization of the English language. A sexy picture is taken in a “boobdoir”. People should be held “a cannibal” for their actions. A “myrant” is a midget tyrant – take note, Jim. Teresa keeps her groceries in the “vidgerator”. We could come up with at least 100 more. So many malaprops, so little time.
Andy shows some clips of Richie, Kathy, Rosie and their mom talking about Teresa’s crimes. Teresa gets up and walks off the set and into the ladies’ room. She says she’ll come back when the subject changes because family doesn’t discuss these things or act this way. She did score a mint or gum while she was gone. She even found a penny, so all was not lost. Dina won’t talk about it but Rosie and Kathy say that they reached out to Teresa in texts. Rosie also says that she broke up with Ellen, who was or wasn’t her real girlfriend for about a year. Teresa comes back but tells Andy that she’s not going to talk about anything but her feelings – no details on her crimes. No one else better mention it, either. Really.
We’re treated to some tearful clips of Jacqueline. Teresa says she doesn’t miss her. Dina says that she doesn’t know Nicholas at all. She also wasn’t invited to Lauren Manzo’s engagement party and doesn’t think she’ll be invited to the wedding. She says that the hardest part of all this family drama is that Lexi hasn’t seen Chris, who is her godfather. She says that she’s kept her mouth shut for four years and has tried to reach out to her brother but nothing good comes of it. She lays most of this at Jacqueline’s feet, but I’m not so sure. This has been brewing since Season 1 with Danielle and the book and the table toss. Caroline took the blame for the exposure of Danielle while Jacqueline screamed that Dina was lying. Dina may be clever, but she’s not smart. A lot of things stink in Franklin Lake. A lot of people are thick as thieves, until they’re not.
This first part ended after the two Joes came out for a moment. Joe says he love his sister and Juicy, and the situation they’re going through is Hell. Yep, it is.
Andy has a couple of ideas for his own tagline. “I may be a man, but I fight like a girl.” And “I may not have majored in English, but I know how to read.” Oh, Snap Andy!
See you next week.
Good recap, Empress. To answer your rhetorical question…because i do that…I like Jim. But Not Andy. He has the nerve to call Jim “rude” in the preview when he just asked Rosie if she used the vibrator. Classy as ever. Also, It was interesting how when Tre said “don’t talk about me” (paraphrasing) Kathy and Rosie had nothing to talk about. Nothing. Crickets. Big eyed silence. They still snuck in some platitudes. Haha!
Hey Lainey! You don’t have to like Jim for me to love you. Lol! We do agree on Andy, though. Never liked him.and I never will.
Teresa was the reunion boss last night. She said “move on” and the rest of them looked like deer in the headlights, including Andy.
YEA….EMPRESS IS BACK…
and just a small correction… not RACOONS… it’s BEAVERS …. lol lol lol lol full moon beavers to boot…
Just discovered your hilarious blog on Twitter today. Subscribed.
Thank you for reading, and welcome!
Sooooo glad you’re back. One thing: Tre is obsessed with her children and their well being. They are her world. Did Tre say ONE thing to Kathy about Victoria’s brain tumor scare? Tre did this to herself and by that logic, to her girls. Kathy’s family was blindsided. So glad Victoria is well.