The Real Housewives of New York City – The Last Leg

Sonja is propped up on her bed while her interns, Pickles and Tyler, ice her swollen ankle.  This is why they need GPAs above 3.2 – to attend to Madame Morgan who falls off her stilettos after another night of drunken foolishness.   She tells Ramona and Kristen how she chased a cab carrying LuAnn and Harry through the streets of New York, only to fall on her face, then had Tyler and another young lad carry her sorry butt back home.  Every other cabbie in the city must have been busy that night.Kristen Taekman, Sonja Morgan

Josh and Kristen are at home, where, oddly enough, he is holding a meeting with an associate about their plans for a billboard for eBoost.  Kristen wants to be the young, hot model for the campaign, and, of course, lands the job.   During the photo shoot, the photographer tells her to look orgasmic and she explains how she can fake an orgasm.  She can add it to her resumé.

Sonja has to make plans for her big “Team Sonja” party and slides down the stairs of her house with Marley in her harms.   Marley had a friend put a little instructional video together on how to make it down a flight of stairs when you’re unable or unwilling to walk.  You can watch it here:  Lazy Dog Slides Down Stairs  When she finally hits the ground floor, she greets LuAnn so that she can straighten things out about Harry’s mysterious disappearance from the Carole’s party, supposedly with LuAnn.  LuAnn swears that she wants nothing to do with Harry Dubin – been there, done that – and that maybe Sonja needs to put a leash on him.   Sonja intends to confront Harry.

Heather and Carole are at Love, Alex, looking at a line of handbags.  They also talk about Heather’s son, Jax, and the level of success he could achieve with surgery on his ears.  A second doctor wasn’t quite as optimistic as the first and Heather doesn’t know which one to believe.  Carole tells her to go with the one she trusts more.  Heather says that Jax  doesn’t think his ears are so bad and she wonders if she should just trust her son’s instincts.

Sonja and Harry have their sit-down and Sonja tells him how upset she was that he left her behind at the party after giving her a friendship ring.   He apologizes and says it was stupid and that he thought she’d meet up with them later.  She reaches into her purse and hands the ring back to him, telling him that this is the end of Harry and Sonja.

Carole’s apartment renovation is complete and her kitchen is no more.  It’s now her office.  When Heather and Kristen arrive, the talk is all about Aviva.  I don’t know why, other than they’ve found out that she’s going to the “Team Sonja” party.  Kristen thinks Aviva is an outsider, as she’s really been out of the loop, and has missed just about everything the ladies have done for most of the season.  The three agree that they’re confused about her myriad ailments which seem to appear and disappear just as quickly.  Carole says that she’ll be politely rude because it’s been like a vacation without Aviva around.   It really has.

Bravo treated us to a little filler where Ramona and Carole discussed dating.  Ramona wanted Carole to know that Fabio, from Harlequin novel and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter fame,  chased her for a while.  She also told Carole that she and Mario were like a thunderbolt when they met.  They still have hot sex.  The word on the street is that sometimes it’s with each other.

It’s time for the “Team Sonja” party at Le Cirque.  The guests are there, but the hostess is not.   “Team Sonja” is an eclectic mix of folks – an image guru, a dog groomer, a plastic surgeon, various psychics, Satoko the facialist,  ten lords a leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, and Aviva.  Aviva makes an entrance, accompanied by ominous music, which sets off a new round of chatter among the other ladies.  When she does arrive, Sonja is surrounded by a herd of interns.  According to her talking head,  she’s up to her eye teeth in business deals, all of which are in contract stage.  She may be using the interns as collateral.Sonja Morgan

Sonja has written a speech for the event and Ramona is upset that she didn’t take some time to greet her guests first,  Sonja ignores her and starts reading what she’s written.  It a rambling novella, much like her Bravo blogs, all about her aura and her brand and the people who make up her Team.   Some of the ladies, understandably, giggled though it.   When she finally finished her salute to all of those who made Sonja the woman she is today, she made a beeline to Aviva to make sure that she was still riled up over the others.  Sonja calls them emotional vampires and Aviva says that they’re all mad at her.   The entire group finally gets together and Aviva tells them she’s lost an unplanned 10 pounds.   Kristen says that asthma should make you gain weight but she’s still that pretty tool in the shed.

When they sit down, the ladies confront Aviva over all of her issues.  Kristen says that this is more than asthma and Aviva tells Kristen that she’s been a horrible persons.  Carole says that no one believes Aviva.  Aviva then tells the group that her doctor lied to her.  She has an x-ray with her name on them but says the doctor forged them.  They didn’t look like chest x-rays to me, but I’m afraid to tell Aviva what I think.   She then throws the x-ray at Heather.  One brave soul said that it looked like an x-ray of her breast implants. Kristen Taekman

Aviva isn’t quite through and says that her doctor forces her to take asthma medicine and that they should call him to get the truth.   She takes her argument, and storyline, full circle and begins hollering about Carole and the ghost writer nonsense.   As if she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself by this time, she then shouts that there’s only one thing fake about her and slams her fake leg onto the table.  LuAnn is laughing hysterically.  Kristen wants to vomit.  Aviva, who has lost whatever dignity and sense of pride she might have had left, further insults them and us by picking up the leg and throwing it across the room.  Way to go, Aviva.  That’ll teach ’em for doubting your sanity.   She then looks around at her audience and asks if they’d be happy if she just crawls home now.  Assuring her that that is exactly what they don’t want, Carole picks the leg up off the floor, hands it back to Aviva and tells her that this isn’t right.  And it isn’t – on any level.   The only thing she didn’t do was mention the Kennedys but maybe she saves that for her Twitter rants. Carole Radziwill

All I could think about was Heather Abbott, the woman with the prosthetic leg from Boston and how she was feeling after this.  Carole says, “It ain’t over til the fat lady sings or the crazy bitch throws her leg down.”  If you care, this is Aviva’s explanation as to why she threw her leg.  http://www.bravotv.com/blogs/the-dish/aviva-explains-why-she-threw-her-leg  Okay, whatever.   The joke is on us.

Next week is part one of the reunion.

Empress

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3 Responses to The Real Housewives of New York City – The Last Leg

  1. Jan (TexasTart) says:

    As you know, I’m always interested in “word on the street” 😉 I’m still laughing at “using her interns as collateral”, LOL! Good one! Empress, I enjoy each of your recaps, and somehow I failed to comment last week’s episode, which I thought had the very best color commentary of the season! Thanks again for recapping RHONY and also for sharing them with Lynn’s Place. Have a good day! 🙂

  2. Lady Chatterley says:

    Oy Vey! Through all of the Viva nonsense, all I could think was that she was trying, desperately, to create a table-flipping moment. And as you say, she just comes off looking foolish. I suppose this was her Hail Mary pass – since she really had nothing to offer this season. Looking back…I have enjoyed Sonja and Ramona, as always. And Heather was a treat. Carole, I can tolerate, but Kristen has to go. She was like Alex redux. And Hey, I also enjoyed LuAnn, much to my surprise.

    Thanks so much for providing us w/this fun recap every week, Empress. We bow to your Empressness {{deep curtsy}}

  3. VV says:

    The living Palindrome actually brought 2 cuts of a CAT scan printed onto X-Ray film. Since that stuff is all digital, she went through a LOT of trouble in her prop preparation.
    Just saying.

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