Carole’s about to celebrate her 50th birthday and the theme is Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil meets the Garden of Eden.  This might be her way of telling us that she’s dated Kevin Spacey or Clint Eastwood or both.  She’s dated and broken up with so many men that her next writing assignment should be a collaboration with Taylor Swift.  It takes a village to put this party together, so assistants Katie and Eric, along with Heather, are tackling her laundry lists of wants, needs and desires – white lights, chandeliers, shiny red apples, psychics, snake handlers, butterflies, a fog machine, Lady Chablis and the entire dance troupe from Kandi Burruss’s wedding.

Sonja and Harry believe that their relationship has grown to the point where they should raise a puppy together.  It’s a better idea than a baby.

What we’ve got here is …  failure to communicate

Kristen and Josh are trying to iron out some of the problem they’re experiencing in their marriage.   The therapist asks them to talk about the good and the bad things as they see them but these two aren’t even speaking the same language.  He wants her to understand that his business is important and she wants him to see that she’s important.  They never discussed having children until she was pregnant, twice.  She doesn’t even think that he loves her.  Communication is everything but Kristen and Josh just can’t figure out how to do that.   If it’s about understanding each of their disparate positions, then maybe they should trade places for a week.

Avery’s packing for college and is having a panic attack because her mother is having a panic attack.  Ramona, the zen master, gives her something breathing exercises to do, hoping that they’ll calm her down.  Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for six hold for two.  It’s better than screaming at her to take a Xanax and calm down.  I tried to follow Ramona’s instructions but ended up hyperventilating, passing out and having to hit rewind when I came to.   As they’re going to the airport, Ramona cries and tells Mario that the house is going to be too quiet.  Avery jumps out of the cab and LaGuardia and barely looks back.

The devil’s in the tarot cards

Sonja’s having dinner with a psychic, Thomas John.  Instead of ordering appetizers,m he does a tarot card reading and tells Sonja that there’s a devil in her life.  The devil has brown hair, but he doesn’t say whether it’s Carole, Heather, LuAnn or a lawyer from Hannibal pictures.  Mr. John may be a psychic in training because he also tells Sonja that her money is only going to grow and her situation with her home will improve.   Sonja believes every word, because she’s Sonja.

When Harry met Sonja – and LuAnn

Heather is hard at work, making Carole’s dream of a great party become a reality.   The snake handler is a no-go because health codes prohibit live snakes in restaurants.  Something like that could keep any number of guests from gaining entry, too.  Aviva isn’t invited.  Her invitation is being held until the next party , when the theme will be Midnight in the Garden of Evil and Evil.   Carole shows up early to oversee what Heather already has well in hand.  Finding there’s really nothing to do, she treats herself and some of the others to a manicure.

The guests begin to arrive, dressed to the nines, with some wearing masks.  Mario asks LuAnn where Jacques is and LuAnn explains that they’ve parted ways.  The guest of honor makes her entrance and looks beautiful in a long red dress.  LuAnn begins to tell Carole and Kristen all about her heartbreaking breakup with Jacques.  In her talking head, she says that she has no idea what happened.  Pirates happened, LuAnn – some low-rent, Johnny Depp wannbe pirates.   She starts to cry and apologizes to Carole for it but Carole tells her “It’s my party and you can cry if you want to.”

Sonja and Harry are talking about their relationship under LuAnn’s watchful eye.  Harry wants to be with Sonja but she would like to know a little more before she’s convinced as to his intentions.   They kiss and kiss some more.  Harry says that he wants to take it to another level and that he’s serious about his feelings for Sonja.  He then gives her a ring – not an engagement ring, more like a “see, I’m serious, but not serious enough to propose marriage” ring.  He then says that he loves her and care for her.

Heather gives a toast to Carole which is actually an email Carole had sent her about what she did and did not want in a toast.  There are explicit instructions about not mentioning Aerosmith.   No sooner does the toast end and the festivities begin,  Ramona and Sonja are squirreled in a corner, gossiping about LuAnn and Jacques.  Sonja is upset that LuAnn didn’t tell her about their breakup and that she had to hear it at the party, and confronts LuAnn with her complaints.  She though that LuAnn was a better friend than that, but that was the same problem LuAnn had with Sonja during their picnic in Central Park.  To her credit, LuAnn correctly points out that only Sonja could make their breakup all about her.

Heather and LuAnn sing a couple of songs about Carole which Ramona thinks is stupid.  She thinks that Tony Bennett or P Diddy should have been there to perform given all the celebrities both Carole and Heather know.  It’s safe to assume that if Mario had been the entertainment, Ramona would have been much happier and the celebrity factor would have been a non-factor.

Sonja and Ramona meet up again to talk about Harry and the ring.  Sonja says that she’s scared by his gesture and doesn’t understand what it really means.  She tells Ramona that she took the ring off and put it in her purse.   Harry, however, is now chatting it up with LuAnn.  When Sonja goes in search of Harry, he’s already left, presumably with LuAnn.

Aviva made a very brief appearance during this episode.  She was at A Step Ahead with Heather Abbot, a young woman who made the decision to have her leg amputated as a result of the injuries she suffered during the Boston bombing.  Her prosthetic leg is going to be made and given to her at no cost to her.  Where has this Aviva been all season?

Next week is the season finale and the episode in which a prosthetic leg is seen lying on the ground.  This is what the Housewives’ franchise has become, with the most anticipated scene of the season involving a leg toss.

Empress