The Montana trip is now a part of history and the ladies are back in New York City. Kristen, Josh, Heather and Jonathan are having dinner and the debate about bossiness continues. Heather and Josh are on the same page about being entrepreneurs but Kristen wants to be acknowledged for her role as wife and mother. Josh picked up and moved his family back to New York from Los Angeles when he started EBoost and Kristen just wants someone to recognize that being a supportive spouse is what makes things like that possible. Jonathan says that it’s good that they’re communicating about it. But they’re really not.
Ramona is at home with Mario and Avery and her friend Shane arrives with a song he’s written. Mario is going to sing at an open mic night at Birdland because his ego has no bounds. Unfortunately his musical ability does. He warbles his way through a smarmy ballad “Effortless”, while Ramona watches in a state of rapture. Shane thinks Mario should strip during his performance but he’s probably already done that.
Sonja is interviewing a young woman to be her 945th intern. The woman is a psychology major and Sonja forbids her from analyzing her. That’s probably wise. Sonja then rattles off the duties an intern is required to perform, really important things like carrying her purse and picking up her dresses at the dry cleaners. Mastering these tasks are going to help the young woman earn her degree – no doubt about it.
In the middle of the interview, Aviva drops by and Sonja fills her already paranoid head with tales from Montana. Aviva now knows that the ladies don’t believe the asthma diagnosis and that Ramona was leading the anti-Aviva charge, so she whips out her Advair inhaler and takes a hit, in case we missed any prior demonstrations. Sonja is impressed at its size. She tells Sonja that her lung capacity is less than 50% and that she “can’t f**king breathe”. That’s what she said and I’ll just leave it at that. Aviva, just as Sonja hoped, is now angry and starts ranting that maybe they think her fake leg is another way she’s faking things and it isn’t a fake leg but a real leg – or something like that. It’s hard to follow Aviva’s logic when she gets like this.
Carole is at her apartment which is undergoing renovations. She’s with her assistant and they’re sending off copies of her novel to “big mouths” who will read it and talk about it to others. Some of the “big mouths” who were getting the advanced copies were Barbara Walters, Katie Couric, Kelly Ripa and Ralph Fiennes. and yes, her assistant pronounced “Ralph” just as it’s spelled. Perhaps Sonja should ask her to be an intern.
Those Incredible Love Handles
Ramona, Sonja and Kristen visit Ramona’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Giese to have a little work done on their waistlines. Ramona wants the doctor to melt away the fat on her abdomen so that she’s in ti-top shape for her two husbands and Sonja thinks her love handles have become too much to handle. Dr. Giese uses external ultrasound to re-sculpt Ramona’s waistline. Then it’s Sonja’s turn. She thinks her love handles have grown into a muffin top but Kristen thinks that if they’re gone, Sonja’s lovers will have nothing to hold onto. She wants to be “light, tight and right” and tells the other women that those love handles, when they’re just the right size and are used properly, can come in handy when you’re trying to achieve a quick orgasm. Sonja would be better served working on her toaster oven, instead of giving away all of her other secrets.
Dinner at 6
Kristen is trying to make dinner for her family but doesn’t seem to know her way around her own kitchen. Josh was supposed to be home by 6PM but it’s already 6:30 and he’s just getting around to calling her to say that he’s on his way home. Kristen is clearly disappointed by his failure to call or email but he says that he was on a conference call and it ran longer than he’d expected. They argue, a little too loudly, on the phone. When he does get home, the argument continues. He thanks her for making dinner but she isn’t ready to let it go. She thinks he has no respect for her and her time. He then suggests they see a mediator to talk about what they don’t seem to be able to resolve on their own. She’s ecstatic at the thought and bows down, shouting “Hallelujah!” Josh, however, has already made up his mind that the therapist will tell Kristen that he’s right and she’s the one who has to change. So much for going into this with an open mind.
LuAnn and Jacques are having their picture taken by a professional photographer. Who knows where those pictures are now.
Sonja and Harry are still trying to rekindle their decades old love affair and are having a picnic in the park. They were an item when they were much younger but Harry married Aviva, instead. There’s thirty years of shared history with Harry, Sonja and Ramona, and it would be great if Bravo viewers could hear about it. With the stories they could tell, they could probably have their own show.
Mario the Singer
Everyone is gathered at Birdland for open mic night. Ramona’s been enjoying more than a few cocktails and is wreaking havoc at every turn. First she’s in Mario’s ear, making fun of LuAnn for not being able to sing without auto-tune. Mario shushes her twice, then tells her to be quiet and finally says “I don’t want to talk to you.” Not to be deterred, Ramona moves on to LuAnn and begins to mock her about her singing. LuAnn insists that she’s not going on stage but the truth behind this scene played out on Twitter. LuAnn did, in fact, take the mic that night and sang “Big Spender”. Given her penchant for French men, or for all men in general, a better choice of song might have been “Lady Marmalade”. Bravo shows us some edited conversations in which LuAnn calls Ramona a cow and Ramona says that LuAnn is chicken shit.
While all of this love is in the air, Mario is introduced to the crowd and does his best to impersonate a crooner with “Effortless”. It wasn’t effortless at all, even for the audience, but Ramona and Sonja are mesmerized and they shed a couple of tears at the sound of his love ballad. LuAnn thinks he’s no Frank Sinatra. Heather is the next to sing and delivers an energetic and enthusiastic rendition of “Bill Bailey”. I don’t advise that she give up her day job, but she deserves kudos for being a good sport.