Sonja has invited Aviva and her future step mother, Cody, to the townhouse to try to find out if Cody’s intentions for George are pure, like that matters.   While Cody bedazzles Sonja’s nails with Swarovski crystals,  the other women ask her about George’s sexual proclivities.  Cody tells them that his appetite and talent for sex is rather good and that he “knows” a woman.  She also lets them know that George doesn’t want her to have children until she’s 35 years old and, to make sure they can make that happened even if he’s no longer around, they’re freezing his sperm.  Cody loves George, doesn’t want his money – she runs some very successful nail salons in Florida and has plenty of money of her own –  and Aviva and Sonja believe her.

Kristen, LuAnn, Carole, Heather and Sonja are trying on hats for a trip to the Saratoga Race Track.  Aviva and Ramona won’t be going due to some prior arrangements with their respective children – something about camp and Avery going off to college.  LuAnn tries one hat on, which doesn’t really fit her and Sonja points out that LuAnn has a head the size of a pumpkin.  She also says that her own is the size of the pin, but we’ve already figured that out.

Aviva is having an engagement party for her father and Cody at, where else, the Museum of Sex.  All of the ladies are there with their husbands, including Ramona, Mario and Ramona’s “gay husband”.  Mario starts to chase Ramona around with a crop while she runs around the place.  Carole notes that she had to be at this party; “George getting engaged is like a total eclipse of the sun.  You have to look at it even though you know it’s going to hurt your eyes”.   George arrives with Cody and is introduced to Kristen.  Within moments, George has his hands on her ass and her boobs.  She giggles and runs off, because that’s what any of us would do, especially after having gotten warnings in advance about him.  He also offered to lick her nipples.

George then heads straight for Ramona and Mario pretends to punch at him while telling him to “keep your rabid hands off my wife”.   Mario is definitely playing the dutiful husband for the cameras.  Carole stops by for an exchange with George about his favorite topics. too.   While George is otherwise occupied, Ramona, failing to have received the “all clear” from Aviva and Sonja, begins to question Cody about her future husband.  She wants to know if Cody had her engagement ring appraised and then asks her why she’s marrying George.  Cody says that it’s for his intellect and the good sex.  Ramona then wonders about Cody’s deceased parents and how they would feel about the situation.  Cody begins to cry and heads for the ladies’ room with Aviva in tow.  When she rejoins the guests, Cody tells them about Ramona’s inquiries.  Carole tells them that she ordered plastic glasses, just in case Ramona went Ramonacoaster.

George also hears about Ramona and that Cody was crying and begins to shout “Where is the bitch?”  Ramona is making her exit, though, realizing that she’s opened her mouth a little too wide again.  George then says “Ramona is a bitch.  You know what happens to bitches?  They get f***ed like dogs.”  He then calls her a coward for leaving.   Aviva manages to get things under control, the men pull themselves away from a display of photographs depicting apes and chimps in the throes of passions and offers a toast to the lovebirds.  She talks about being happy and in love and assures them that he mother is looking down and is happy for them.  She ends her words by joking how Sonja backed into her father’s erection.  It’s just the perfect party with a swell bunch of folks.

LuAnn and Sonja meet in the park for a bike ride and a picnic.  While eating, they discuss their concerns over Ramona.  LuAnn can’t understand how Sonja could value her friendship with Ramona more than she does with her.  LuAnn says that a friendship shouldn’t be labor intensive and that something wrong with Ramona.  She also says that Ramona is more fun when she’s off the Ramonacoaster.  For one brief moment, I admired LuAnn for not spilling the rumors about Ramona and Marion, a favor Ramona has never offered in return.

Ramona goes to Aviva’s fake house with flowers to offer an apology for ruining another party.  The apology lingers in the air for about a nanosecond before Ramona starts to voice her concerns about a young, vulnerable woman falling into the hands of a lecherous, predatory old man.  On cue, George enters the scene and he also apologizes for causing a scene at Ramona’s charity event.  He tells her that you can cause bliss or bleak and he caused bleak.  Ramona begins to tell George that, if he loves Cody, he should let her go. He should let the young girl live her life like she should, unencumbered by a much older man.  Ramona says that she would be broken-hearted if Avery found a lecherous man like George.  This angers George and he makes the conversation about race – black versus white.  Ramona responds by comparing him to a pedophile.  This is all going so well, that George just calls Ramona a racist and makes a lewd suggestion for something he’d like to do to her involving his fingers.

LuAnn has rented a house in Saratoga for the ladies.  Sonja, who seems to think she’s in Louisville, wants some mint juleps.  The ladies put on their dresses and hats and head for the track for the day.  Sonja is in her element, having grown up nearby, and begins to talk about the smell of money, the beauty of the clothes and hats, and almost breaks into a rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home.”  She spots the winning jockey of the 2013 Kentucky Derby, Joel Rosario and calls him over.  He tells the ladies how wonderful it was to win and makes his escape before Sonja asks him for riding lessons.  Carole tells the women that the height of a man and the size of his penis are correlated in inverse proportions.  She knows this only because she’s dated a lot of short guys.

Having studied their tip sheets, the ladies are ready to place their bets.  They’ve put their money on horses and are betting trifectas and perfectas.  Sonja, who knows all about the track, is placing two dollar bets on all of the horses in every combination available known to man.  Carole points out that, even if Sonja wins, the money she gets won’t cover her bets.   The ladies win and Sonja doesn’t.  They collect $3,340, making their individual winnings slightly over $800.  While they celebrate, Sonja wanders off to try to pick up talk to some trainer, jockey or owner.  When the time comes for the group to leave, Sonja is nowhere to be found.  Even LuAnn’s texts to her went unanswered.

They’re back at the house, having decided that Sonja will find her way there eventually and begin to get dressed to go out on the town.  Sonja barges in, slamming the door and charges right past the others, shouting “They always do this. Bitches.”  Heather follows her to find out what’s wrong and Sonja goes into a rant about how no one cares where she was.  Realizing that Sonja is just drunker than a skunk, she leave her alone and goes back downstairs.  Kristen also attempts to console Sonja over who knows what but her attempt doesn’t work out much better.  Sonja just tells Kristen to go f**k herself.  Kristen apparently doesn’t understand that you can’t reason with someone who’s drunk.  She also gives up and joins the others, while also doing an improv as to how Sonja looks and sounds.  LuAnn wonders aloud whether she should try but Heather tells her that there’s no sense in babying her.   That leaves Sonja to lodge her complaints and make her argument to her own reflection in the mirror.  The two Sonjas then decide that they should pack their bags and head back to the Hamptons.   Given the previews, it looks like Sonja doesn’t have the same friends with airplanes as Ramona does and is stuck in Saratoga Springs for the remainder of the trip.  Carole called her a WMD – woman of mass destruction.  I think there’s more than one.

Empress