LuAnn and Heather are shopping for swimsuits when Kristen just happens by. She begins to tell them about her tea date with Ramona with a slightly more exaggerated, more dramatic version of the event. The three talk some more about Ramona and list the nicknames she’s acquired, including, but certainly not limited to, “Singer Stinger”, “Ramonacoaster,” pinot polar” and “crazy eyes.”
Sonja calls LuAnn to invite her to a memorial service for her long-deceased dog, Milou, while Heather and Kristen, hearing the conversation, don black hats in honor of the beloved pet. Sonja is at her house, surrounded by her interns, both past and present, as well as Marley and a cloth covered box containing Milou’s ashes. We then see a little video montage of Milou’s life before Marley almost spills his predecessor all over the carpet.
Kristen is auditioning for a workout video in front of the co-founders of JCORE. She isn’t doing very well, proof that being thin doesn’t always mean being fit. She’s hired anyway, thanks to a little help from her husband, Josh, who knows both of the company’s owners, Jay Cardiello and Bill Pymm. While she goes through the routine, Josh is offering some color commentary, asking Jay when the exercises will get rid of his wife’s pooch. If he was concerned about not having dinner on the table before, this probably isn’t going to guarantee it will be there in the future. Kirsten asks Josh to leave, telling him that it feels just like the Spartan run, where he said he’d support her but then doesn’t really mean it.
Carole is holding interviews for an assistant at Ramona’s office because she doesn’t want any of the candidates to know where she lives yet. Several of them arrive without resumes and one young man thinks his winning personality is enough to get him the job. Nice try, kid, but that’s not how it works. Ramona is in the room, adding her two cents because, well, because she’s Ramona. She doesn’t like how unprepared the applicants are and doesn’t understand the kinds of questions Carole is asking.
Sonja has invited a spiritual healer, Aleta St. James, to her house to help her with her grieving process and the turmoil in her life. Aleta beats some sort of screen over Sonja’s prone body and then rings some Tibetan bells, telling Sonja that they will align her chakras. Golden energy will enter through Sonja’s head and travel through her body, and I don’t know what any of that means. Aleta had twins at the age of 57, so maybe she’s onto something. Sonja says that she resents people who have taken advantage of her, including Ramona. She then cries as Aleta holds the box conditioning Milou’s ashes, and says that she’ll never have the same pure, innocent experiences she had with that dog. In her talking head, she says that she wasn’t only letting go of Milou, but also her ex-husband and best friend.
Oh, look – Aviva’s back and she’s hosting a dinner at her new apartment just so that she inflict her father and all of his perversions upon us. He doesn’t miss a beat. After introducing his much, much, much younger girlfriend, Cody, to Harry and Sonja, he tells everyone how they met. It seems that he went to Cody’s salon to have some – and trust me, I’ve been working on this phrase all week – manscaping done and it was love at first sight. At the first sight of what, I have no idea. They’ve been together for two and a half years. Don’t ask me how. George wants Harry and Sonja to go to St. Tropez with them for a couples’ getaway which was just another excuse for him to expand on his raunchiness. He explains how much better sex is when you have mirrored ceiling over your bed. Reid then pipes in and says that he had mirrored ceiling when he was 16. Maybe buttoned-up Reid does have a freak factor. After ruining yet another dinner, George says that he has a gift for Cody and hands her a bag. She pulls a box out and George tells her that it’s an engagement ring. That’s his proposal. Really, that was it. She says yes and puts the ring on her finger, immediately eclipsing the diamond with her heavily bedazzled manicure. Love is both grand and blind.
In case we hadn’t heard and seen enough from George, Aviva gives him a tour of the apartment where he makes some more comments about mirrors, sexual positions and, oh hell, I’ll just let you use your imaginations because I’m not going to sleep with these visuals burned into my brain.
Sonja, Ramona and Aviva meet up for dinner at a restaurant called Jamie’s. Sonja wants to clear the air with Ramona, especially about the loss of her boyfriend, Ben. She tells Ramona to basically butt our of her love-life if they are to remain friends. With a pinky promise, Ramona swears that she will never interfere again. Having reconciled, Sonja is now free to flirt with the restaurateur and find out where he lives. Life goes on for the former Mrs. Morgan.
Sonja is putting the final touches on Milou’s memorial service and is trying to dictate her speech into her phone. The phone doesn’t understand what she’s saying and keeps asking her what wants. Sonja and her phone get into an argument and are no longer on speaking terms. The group gathers by the river for the service and everyone is dressed in black, with some of the ladies wearing the hats they tried one earlier. There’s champagne and a large portrait of Milou with a tennis ball in his mouth. There’s even a program so that the mourners can keep track of the event. Sonja delivers her eulogy, talking about how much her dog meant to her. She says that he was the best thing to come into her life before her daughter. Heather, in her talking head, understands that this has as much to do with Milou’s death as it does for everything in Sonja’s life. She’s not just moving on from her fur friend, but from her ex-husband and all of the things that have happened in her recent past. Sonja’s friend, the Reverend Robin Cofer, says a prayer and as the others wave good-bye. Sonja begins to toss Milou’s ashes into the river. Carole whispers to Aviva that Milou was gay, something she says she found out by reading animalfair.com. Aviva says that this might inspire other dogs to come out as well. The ashes don’t go exactly where they’re supposed to and a bit of Milou lands on the sidewalk. No surprise there. Milou was a New York City dog and New York City dogs often leave a little something of themselves behind on the sidewalk.
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Thanks Empress. Love your humorous comments such as Sonja and her phone get into an argument and are no longer on speaking terms. I’m ROFLMAO. I love to laugh and you make that happen for me.
Barb, I’m always happy to hear that someone gets some giggles out of my posts. Believe me, the humor is as much for the sake of my sanity as it is for the reader’s entertainment. Thank you for reading it. 🙂
Empress of Aiken? SC? Peon formerly of Williston here. The part about love at first sight of what, you dont know, and the bit about Sonja and her phone no longer on speaking terms…great stuff. Wish I had found your blog long ago.