The ladies who didn’t go to the Hamptons on a friend’s plane are waking up with hangovers.  A yoga instructor shows up and the group tries to hold the poses, but their night of drinking, along with Sonja’s bout of flatulence make it impossible to do much more than rest in the child’s pose.  It’s time to leave.

Back in the city, Carole is getting her hair and makeup done for a photo shoot for an article that will feature her in Bella magazine.  LuAnn calls and Carole invites her to the salon so that she can pick up some etiquette tips for a piece she’s doing for Town and Country magazine, called “Manners and Misdemeanors”.   LuAnn arrives and offers some pointers on gift giving.  Hostess gifts should be labor free, meaning no flowers that require finding a vase.  Wine and candles are always welcome.  When it comes to guys you’re dating, a book, a massage or some cologne are good ideas, depending on whether you’ve had sex or not.  The article appeared in the October issue and, if you’re interested, you can read it here – Gift Return Etiquette – Town & Country Magazine

The first order of business for the group is to have the intervention they planned for Ramona and they meet at a restaurant with plans on how to keep her from running away.  LuAnn will play the role of linebacker or defensive end or some other football position and throw Ramona to the ground if she makes any moves towards the door.  After she tackles Ramona, the other ladies will tie her hands and feet making it impossible for her to reach her cell phone and call for a friend to rescue her.   With their scheme in order, Ramona arrives and LuAnn and Heather head to the ladies’ room so that Ramona has to slide into the booth.  When they return, having accomplished the first part of the caper, they sit down and the confrontation begins.  In turn, the ladies tell Ramona how they felt about her hightailing it out of the Berkshires without any notice and lying to them about the reason.  She says that she really did feel uncomfortable in the woods and had to leave before she suffered a breakdown from which she might never return.  In her talking head, Sonja commented on the fact that Ramona’s PTSD could conveniently come and go in the blink of an eye.  Ramona finally agreed that she needed to work on some of her anger issues, but said, in her talking head, that she would have told them anything they wanted to hear just to get out of there and away from their incessant scolding.

Kristen is at home, awaiting the therapist for Kingsley who had yet to walk.  Josh is there and he admits that he’d rather be at a business meeting.   Things between them continue to go downhill, even after the therapist arrives.  Josh keeps checking his cell and answering emails, while Kristen glares at him.  She asks him to get more engaged with Kingsley’s therapy but he says that he can multitask.   When he steps away to take another call, Kristen follows him, and they bicker some more.  She’s upset that he’s never home, never surprises her with flowers and he tells her that he would come home earlier if dinner was on the table once in a while.   He has a business to run and she wants the same romance they enjoyed before the kids and the business existed.  They aren’t all that different from any other relatively newly married couple with the same demands and complaints.   Husbands and/or wives with careers often spend too much time at work, leaving their partners at home to tend to the children and the house.  They both just need to realize that.  And yes, the occasional bouquet and dinner at 7 help.  Cheap shots don’t.

Ramona is working out in her bedroom when her husband, Mario, walks in.  She tells him all about the treatment she received at the hands of the other ladies and he just nods and listens – or not.  He agrees with everything she says – the ladies don’t understand, Ramona doesn’t need therapy and the woods are a bad place because of poison ivy.   Sometimes, when a husband says “yes dear”, it’s for all the wrong reasons.  She hugs him and they have some wine.  Their marriage, according to Ramona, is a success.  Marriage and success, like everything else, is all relative.

LuAnn and Jacques have set Carole up on a date with an actor, Nick Gregory and they all meet for drinks and dinner.  Carole says that she’s met Nick before and Googled him prior to their date but got his name wrong.   Jacques asks the waiter for a pen and paper so that he can rate Carole on her dating skills.  They’re pretty bad, especially for a woman who wrote a book on the subject, as LuAnn pints out.  Somehow the conversation turned to the subject of orgasms – not what one would expect for a first date, but what do I know.  I haven’t dated since the Renaissance.  LuAnn says that, with a little practice, Carole’s dating may improve, as it can’t get much worse.

Ramona and Kristen have a date for tea and to talk about the glass throwing incident.  When Kristen arrives, Ramona gets up to hand her a bouquets of yellow roses – see, Josh, that’s how it works.   By the way, yellow roses signify friendship and the start of a new beginning.  I wonder if Ramona knew that when she picked them out.   She then apologizes to Kristen, telling her that what she did was awful, embarrassing and out of character for her.  Kristen isn’t having it, though, and tells Ramona that no one has ever thrown anything in her face before.  She asks Ramona if she had too much to drink or maybe needs some anger management therapy.   Ramona says that she doesn’t have any issues and begins to look at her watch.  She tells Kristen that she won’t be staying long enough to order anything and is going to meet Avery.  When Kristen tells her that she always has somewhere to go, Ramona responds in a way which makes Kristen sound like a bad mother.  Okay, that probably wasn’t necessary – or nice.  Kristen, finally, acknowledges that Ramona appears remorseful.  She also says that if Ramona wasn’t, she’d be a monster.  Ramona says that she’s been called a lot of things but never a monster and Kristen says that there’s a first time for everything.  I can’t tell if this is resolved or not.  I hope so, because it’s gone on too long already.

Aviva is off her suspension and will be back next week – and she’s bringing her dad.  Great.

Empress