Kristen’s lip is gushing blood – not really, but she’s carrying on like it is.   Sonja and Ramona have made off in their getaway car and headed straight for Heather’s house to blow dry their soaking wet hair.  If they’ve learned anything from their stints as Bravo Housewives, it’s that you should always look good in case there’s a mugshot in your future.  Ramona told Sonja that it wasn’t her intention to hurt Kristen.  She just reacted to being splashed and grabbed the first glass, oar and set of nunchucks she had handy.  Ramona wanted Sonja to believe that what happened on the lake was due to her terrible childhood and that throwing things at people made her just like her father.   Sonja breaks down and starts wailing that Ramona shouldn’t say things like that.  Ramona could never be like her abusive father.   Sonja tended to see it as a case of Kristen poking the sleeping lion who had no choice but to bare her claws.  She did have a choice, of course, and Ramona, on any level, would never be mistaken for a sleeping lion, or a sleeping anything for that matter,  but Sonja seemed to think it was an appropriate analogy.

Heather is doing her best to turn this weekend getaway around and avoid another event that becomes all about Ramona.  Good luck with that.  Ramona, having fixed her hair, explains to Heather that she doesn’t understand why Kristen is making such a big deal out of her cut lip.  After all, Ramona split her lip when she was firing a shotgun.  It’s the same thing, right?

Kristen and Carole are outside on some lawn chairs and Kristen is complaining about a headache she has from the glass tossing incident.  Carole tells her that she shouldn’t mess with Ramona’s blow dry, which is probably sound advice if you don’t want things flung at you.  Heaven knows that Ramona doesn’t have any self-control.  Ramona wanders outside and offers an apology to Kristen, which sounded more like an excuse and which Kristen took as one.   Her lack of acceptance for the half-hearted mea culpa leads to another fight between the two of them, with Ramona screaming that Kristen shouldn’t have gotten Ramona’s hair wet.  She also brings up her father in the middle of the argument, which doesn’t go over well with Kristen.  Heather watches and laughs about the whole thing, pointing out the obvious absurdity of a war over wet hair.   We’re watching and wondering whether this whole thing is really about hair or about someone who couldn’t wait for a weekend without his wife.  Kristen just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Heather calls a temporary truce for the rest of the evening and the group is joined by an Elvis impersonator, to the delight of Kristen.The next morning, Ramona is still in her room while the others have breakfast.  She’s packing her bag, but tells Carole that she’s just sorting her clothes so that they don’t get mixed up with Sonja’s.  When Carole walks away, Ramona calls her friend, Adam, and asks him to fly his plane to the Great Barrington airport and rescue her from the madness she helped create.    She then joins the others and they take off for a hike in the woods.  Most of the ladies are busy hugging trees to feel their energy but Ramona pulls Carole aside and begins to act out the play she’s written just for the occasion.She begins to tell Carole a story about an abusive father who moved his family out to the country so that he could torment his family without any interference from nosy neighbors.  She then stops at a clearing and says that it looks just like her childhood backyard.  This causes her to start demonstrating, for Carole’s benefit, how Ramona had to play with imaginary friends who made mud-pies with her.   It’s such bad acting with such a terribly scripted plot, that Carole now realizes Ramona has planned this escape from witch mountain from the moment she agreed to go to the Berkshires.   She blurts out that she has to go and asks Carole to drive her to the airport.  When they meet up with Heather, Ramona continues the charade, garnering sympathy from the as yet unsuspecting Heather.   Carole and Ramona walk to the house while Sonja begins to berate Kristen for not having any empathy for Ramona’s troubled childhood.   She also tells Kristen that she, Sonja, understands Ramona’s pain because she saw her mother being battered with her head in a toilet.   She tells Kristen that she provoked Ramona and Ramona just reacted.  Heather says that provoking is the wrong adjective and LuAnn, in her talking head, informs all of us that provoking is a verb, not an adjective.  Duly noted.

Carole drives Ramona to the airport and Adam is waiting for her with his plane, and as it takes off, Carole stands on the hood of the car and waves at them.  Back at the house, Carole tells the others about the awaiting plane and Ramona’s suspicious behavior with the earlier packed bag.   They then head out for a day on a pontoon boat where Sonja makes a fool out of herself by trying to seduce the 20-year-old captain.   She stays on board as the other ladies swim, because she doesn’t want to ruin her hair.  How sick are we of Ramona’s and Sonja’s hair?   Left alone with the young man, Sonja begins to grill him about his dating lie and asks him if he’s on Christian Mingle.  She tells him that she tried it but was deemed unmatchable.  I bet.   When they make it back to shore, Sonja asks him for his phone number.  I hope he gave her the number of the local police.  It was what I used to give guys who I wanted to get rid of.

While at the house, Kristen calls Josh to tell him about her lip and Ramona’s behavior.  He’s shocked that a grown woman acted that way and then puts Kash on the phone to talk to Mommy.  Kash says he that got new shoes and hangs up.  That was the best and most honest conversation of the entire episode.

To celebrate their last night in the Berkshires, the ladies go to downtown Great Barrington for dinner.  The missing Ramona becomes the topic of conversation after LuAnn gets a text message informing her that Ramona is at  model Molly Sims’ party in the Hamptons.  Sonja tried to defend her friend, but LuAnn just says “She lied to you.”  Sonja is pouting and stewing about her friend’s betrayal of trust.  She doesn’t understand how Ramona could leave without even saying good-bye, unless she knew about the plan all along.  I’m not so sure that the gripe sisters have many secrets between them.   LuAnn also gets a picture on her phone which shows Ramona at the party and now the group decides that Ramona needs an intervention for her erratic behavior.   The ladies toasted that but I think what they really were toasting was a chance to call out Ramona for her lies and manipulations, especially LuAnn, who has years of history to reconcile.  She looked downright giddy at the thought of confronting Ramona.

Ramona was Andy’s’ guest on WWHL.  I was going to watch it to see how she was going to spin her latest antics but decided that there was little she could say that would make much difference.  She hurt Kristen and there’s no reasonable or convincing way she can spin that.  She also used her childhood and the abuse by her father to get out of the Berkshires and back to her fabulous Hamptons’ party life.  Or she just wanted to find out how Mario was spending the weekend.  Instead of playing out her planned ruse, she could have told the group what her real concerns were and all of them would have understood, and, more than likely, would have offered their comfort and support.   Either way, at least for me, her credibility is shot and my sympathy for her marital plight has grown thin.  Well, at least Heather got a new AC unit out of the whole thing.

Aviva is in week two of her three week Bravo timeout and there’s still no sign of Amanda.  Can’t complain about that.

Empress