Okay, first things first.  I don’t know what little games Bravo is playing but Aviva was erased from the Housewives this week – no tag line and no apple holding.  If you don’t make it to the Berkshires, it seems you just disappear.   Poof.  Gone.  We know from watching the previews  that she appears in later episodes, so this has to be some clever/not clever ploy on the part of Bravo’s evil brain trusts.

Kristen’s husband, Josh, has offered to help Sonja with her brand, and after just a few minutes of listening to her, he has her figured out.   Aside from all of the other nonexistent irons she doesn’t have in the fire, she’s may or may not be involved with a Nigerian football team.   The more he talks about marketing and advertising and finding a real team to work with, the more Sonja balks at each and every suggestion.  Josh could have saved himself a lot of time and energy by watching what Heather went through last season with the godforsaken toaster oven.   The only thing that came out of that experience was Sonja got to pose for pictures with half-naked men.    He tells her that she’s not listening, that she’s starry-eyed and finally, that she’s f**king bananas.   Sonja insists that life is a game and she plays it well.  Okay, Sonja, but that’s not what we’re seeing.

Carole went to her home, her very pretty home,  in Beverly Hills to get away from New York for a while.  She spent some time with her dog, Margaret, and her friends Jamie, Suzanne and Caroline.  The ladies laughed about Carole’s dating dilemmas and listened to a voice message from a guy who broke up with Carole before they even had a first date.

Heather has invited the group, sans Carole, Sonja and Aviva, to dinner to invite the ladies to her house in the Berkshires for the weekend.  Ramona came with her gay husband, Shane and Mario, who seemed to be a little too happy at the prospect of being without his wife for two days.    When someone asked where Sonja was, LuAnn commented that she’s afraid to leave her townhouse because “they” may come and take it before she gets back.    Josh then started to tell everyone about Sonja’s lack of focus regarding her brand.  LuAnn found that impolite which is kind of funny considering her own joke about Sonja’s financial problems.

Carole got back to the city and met up with Kristen and a matchmaker, Richard Easton,  to talk about her dating habits.  The guy thinks that Carole is sort of in a rut and should try dating different kinds of men, in different fields.  Carole sounded like she was willing to give it a go.

The ladies, without Aviva, head for the Berkshires to meet Heather at her house.  LuAnn is driving Sonja and Ramona and all Ramona can do is complain about everything.  She’s on websites, comparing home values in the Berkshires to those in the Hamptons because that’s a really fair comparison.    She’s figured out that Heather’s house is worth about $400,000 which wouldn’t come close to buying a building lot in the Hamptons.   There’s nothing in Ramona’s book which makes anything about the Berkshires likable.  According to her, it reminds her of her childhood in upper state New York and she doesn’t want to revisit those memories.   Ramona should have Googled more than home values.  The areas around the Berkshires aren’t some outpost in a third world country.  For a smart, self-made woman, Ramona can be incredibly dumb at times.   Heather called and Ramona immediately asked her about the air conditioning at the house.  When Heather told her there wasn’t any, Ramona got off the phone and ordered an air conditioning unit to be delivered.   LuAnn is regretting taking the wheel and wondering why she didn’t hitch a ride with Kristen and Carole, at this point.

When they arrive, Ramona asked Heather if what they were looking at was the house or the garage.   When she got to her room, she complained that it was too hot.   She also didn’t like the porridge.  The air conditioning unit was delivered and Heather let it slide, noting, rightfully so, that Ramona’s menopausal power surges demanded cooling.    After the delivery man set the unit up, Ramona and Sonja showed their gratitude by standing in front of it and airing out their parts in front of the poor guy.

Heather then suggested that they all go to the lake to swim and cool off.  Ramona, whose hair was again freshly blown out, didn’t want to get near the water.  With some prodding from Sonja, she reluctantly agreed to go along, but she probably should have stayed at the house in front of her AC unit.   When the group arrived at the lake,  Ramona wanted to know who was going to carry the canoes.  Heather explained that they would carry them, which led to even more complaining from Ramona.   With two fingers on the canoe, and a firm grip on a glass of Pinot Grigio, Ramona did her very small part in getting the boat into the water.

LuAnn, Kristen and Heather rowed off in one of the canoes, leaving Carole to contend with Sonja and Ramona.    Carole tried her hand at fishing, something she used to do with her dad, and managed to catch a small one.  At the others’ urging she threw it back, saving it from Ramona’s griping – plus, the fish in the Hamptons are so much better.   Kristen and Heather go swimming in the lake while LuAnn dangles her feet in the water.  Ramona and Sonja begin grousing about Kristen and her husband, bashing both of them for interfering and opining on things that, according to the gripe sisters, are none of their business.    Heather and Kristen swim over to the boat where Ramona, Sonja and Carole are, and listen to the garbage they’re spewing.  Kristen, having heard enough, splashes Ramona, ruining her hair, again.  Ramona reacted like she’d been shot and called Kristen a f**king bitch.  Then she threw her wine glass at Kristen’s face, cutting her lip.   In case you were keeping track of these sorts of  things, this latest glass toss completes the circle of assaults on Housewives’ franchises.   Each and every one of the cities can now claim an actual act of physical violence against a cast member.   Bravo must be so proud.

Carole then stood up, told Sonja and Ramona that they’re f**king crazy and dove overboard, preferring to swim back to shore rather than go back with the gripe sisters.   Ramona, and Sonja, after making it back to dry land, drove off one their own.  Ramona’s only comments about what had happened were that it was only a small cut like a bloody nose – maybe Ramona should ask the woman who makes a living by modeling –  and that Kristen shouldn’t have messed with her.  Yes, Porsha Ramona, we know.  The other girl made you do it.

The gripe sisters are looking less and less cute by the minute.   They used to be fun, in an odd, quirky sort of way.   It’s getting harder to give them a pass, even with all of their respective personal problems, while they turn into a couple of ill-mannered, delusional, overly self-impressed bitches.   Cheating husbands and financial woes are worthy of sympathy but are never excuses for bad behavior, particularly towards those who didn’t cause the problems in the first place.  So to Ramona and Sonja, may I say,  “Take a Xanax.  Caaalllmmm dooowwwnnn.”

Empress