The Real Housewives of New York City – Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens

LuAnn’s barbecue is still in full swing.  Amanda and Heather are arguing, with Amanda insisting that she doesn’t have to make a good impression.  Good thing she cleared that up because she really isn’t making a good impression.   Sonja starts to imitate her, calling her the “image consultant”.  Amanda decides that she should go back to where Aviva and Carole were last seen, also arguing, in order to play mediator.   Heather follows her, telling her to leave them alone.  Heather also tells LuAnn she should have Amanda leave the house.  She then turns to Amanda and tells her to “just walk out of here.”   Amanda says that Heather is insecure and goes right back into the middle of the Carole versus Aviva argument.  LuAnn offers Amanda some pie or cake.

Aviva and Carole are now fighting over well-wishers – who is and who isn’t.   LuAnn offers them fruit some fruit tart.   In Heather’s talking head, she says, “you don’t f**k with people’s careers”.  Aviva , in her talking head, says that Heather is a big, bad, femme fatale (?) bodyguard.   Aviva walks away from Carole and runs into Heather who wants to defend Carole’s position.  Reid steps in, after locating his cajones, and rallies to his wife’s side.   Amanda is lurking, always lurking,  garnering more camera time.  Now everyone is hollering at everyone else, except Kristen, who is just standing there, wondering why she ever signed a Bravo contract.  Heather says that Aviva is full of envy and when Aviva starts to respond, Heather tells her that she shouldn’t ever tell her anything – that was followed by Heather calling Aviva a name which involves a parental unit and an act of conscious coupling.  Aviva wonders if she learned that in prison.  I don’t think anyone had any pie, cake or fruit tart.

Sonja is holding a brunch at her borrowed Hampton’s house.  Harry arrives and kisses Sonja.  She lifts her coverup to show him her swimsuit and some other stuff.   The other guests are LuAnn and a girl friend, Aviva, Reid and their kids, along with Josh and Kristen and their two children.  Heather and Carole have made their escape, from Long Island already.  Sonja takes Aviva aside to tell her that the girls aren’t feeling her.  Aviva says that she doesn’t understand because she spends so much of her time helping and uplifting people.   Then Sonja’s tooth falls out.  Reid’s mother offers to help her out and they discuss their personal preferences in denture adhesives.

Back in the city, Carole, Heather and Kristen are at Abracadabra to find mermaid costumes, as Carole is to be named Queen of the Coney Island Mermaid Parade.  Sonja and Aviva are bonding over some laser treatments and they start to talk about what happened at LuAnn’s barbecue.   Aviva says that Heather and Carole were “verbally raping” her, and that they were out to hurt her.  She calls Heather a Brutus.  I’m lost here.  Did she mean Brutus like in traitor or Caligula like the poster emperor of debauchery?   Maybe she meant that Heather was a brute and just got confused over infamous Romans.  Who knows?  Sonja doesn’t want to spend a ton of money on a costume, so she has her designer friend stop by her townhouse to put together an appropriate outfit from Sonja’s wardrobe.  Her friend has found a red wig for her and we now have Red Sonja.  Sonja jumps onto her bed, goes into one of her burlesque routines, certain that she’ll catch some action in her homemade costume.

Aviva takes her children to a crafts shop and they begin to paint. Reid arrives just in time to see a text from Wendy Morgan, who was the young friend of Aviva’s when she had her accident.  The two haven’t spoken in over 36 years and Becky would like to meet with Aviva at the Morgan’s farm.  Aviva tells Reid that Becky has been carrying a heavy burden all this time, probably blaming herself for what happened.   Probably is the operative word, because Aviva never had any inclination or  took the time to reach out to Becky before now, either.   Yes, I guess Becky would be carrying a heavy burden, not knowing how Aviva felt about her for over three decades.  They decide to take Becky up on her offer because Aviva is now ready to face her fears.

Carole Radziwill, Kristen Taekman, LuAnn de Lesseps, Sonja Morgan

LuAnn and Kristen arrive in their costumes for the parade and get on the wrong float.  They can’t find the one they’re supposed to be one, so they go back to Lucky Cheng’s float where they’re joined by Sonja.  Sonja is having more problems with another one of her teeth, which can only mean that the Fixodent isn’t working.   LuAnn’s head is about to explode, having been made to endure endless breaches of class, good manners and decorum.   Just don’t ask her to explain her outfit.  Carole is finally crowned Queen of the parade – her King was Judah Friedlander of “30 Rock” – and the honor is bestowed by a man who calls her “Karen” Radziwill.   She can now hold two titles under two different names.  Heather arrives when the others are at the beach, and they gather to light a fire and recite some poem about friendship and the sisterhood of the traveling mermaid fins.

Aviva and Reid are on their way to Franklin, New York and the Morgan’s farm.  She tells him about the accident and relates every detail of how it happened, what it felt like and how it changed her life.  If it hadn’t happened, she would never have been in a position to help other amputees – every cloud has a silver lining.   I think he’s heard all this before, but we must have needed a reminder, in case we forgot.   She then says “s**t happens, it’s nobody’s fault.”   I guess that’s easy to say thirty years after the lawsuits were settled.  Becky is waiting for them when they arrive and the three of them hug.  Reid then asks for a place where he can go to get some work done and leaves the two women to talk.  They go inside and Aviva tells Becky that she saved her life.  She asks Becky if there was a lot of blood and Becky breaks down and cries.

Aviva Drescher

Aviva tells Becky that she wants to see the barn cleaner machine in which she caught her foot.  They meet back up with Reid and go to the barn.   Aviva stops, looks inside the barn and says “I can’t believe that this little mother f**ker did this to me.”  I wonder if she learned that in prison.  Aviva steps onto the machine, still working her way through her fears.    She gets off and asks Becky to turn the machine on, so that she can hear the noise it makes and how it operates.  She then tells Becky how the visit has been very cathartic.  In her talking head, Aviva says that she’s not afraid of it anymore, that she’s not falling apart anymore.  Maybe she shouldn’t have waited 36 years.



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38 Responses to The Real Housewives of New York City – Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens

  1. Jan (TexasTart) says:

    No one to had pie, cake or fruit tart? What is wrong with those people?! 😉 Thanks for the recap!

    Double the pleasure, double the fun – UConn. Congrats!

  2. Pingback: The Real Housewives of New York City – Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens | Lynn's Place

  3. Rebecca can't understand why people don't appreciate the importance of dragons. says:

    These women are becoming caricatures of themselves. They’ve pushed beyond reality with their overacting.

    Yes, I learned that in prison.

  4. MelTheHound says:

    parental unit and an act of conscious coupling.
    Heheheee…. Never heard it put quite like that 🙂 I am wondering what woman, as a little girl, never played dressup in her mother’s closet.Yet these people, particularly Sonja, need a costume designer to do that particular job… SMH…

    • Boobah says:

      Loved that line too!!!! Hysterical! I also like how Reid arrived “just in time” for the email!! Such funny subtle sarcasm!!

      I agree w/ ya about Sonja – she appears to need a lot help in a ;lot of areas of her life.

    • MTH, it took a committe just for Sonja to put her tooth back in her head!

    • Barb (Just Wondering in Jersey) says:

      I suspect Sonja is codependent and needs someone to help her do everything. That way she doesn’t have to focus. I would prescribe some aderall for her; I think it might help.

      Mel you picked up on the same line I got a chuckle over. Great minds run along the same lines. (Of course, so do sewers :D)

  5. Barb (Just Wondering in Jersey) says:

    Empress I am so happy you decided to blog. I love your sense of humor/writing style and frankly you have helped me understand some things I missed (especially Revenge). Thank you.

    • Oh, thanks, Barb. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit of a slacker when it comes to Revenge blogs, though. I’m playing catch up on the episodes, so maybe I’ll have some Revenge posts soon.

      • Barb (Just Wondering in Jersey) says:

        No need to rush on my accout. I haven’t seen the latest one yet LOL.

      • Boobah says:

        Oh no! I hope you haven’t felt pressure to recap Revenge!! I still watch it but it doesn’t seem like anyone else does except for very few of us – it may not even be worth it! While I LOVE your Revenge recaps – I love your blogs no matter what you write about!!

  6. docslr says:

    Two things…Yeah UCONN!!! as a proud member of the Alumni of UCONN, I couldn’t be prouder of the men and womens programs!!! Secondly..can some one slap Aviva…I am done with her as well.

    • Hey doc!!! Good to hear from you. I think there’s a long line for Aviva slapping

      Great job by the Huskies! #bleedblue

      • docslr says:

        I will extract my deli number and stand in line on Aviva…..I did enjoy the overacting comment from above and Bravo says they only have two scripted shows in 2014/15…check again…!!!

  7. sally says:

    “conscious coupling” Brilliant!

  8. Great Blog, funny, funny! I was lucky enough to miss the scene with Aviva of Sunnybrook Farm. I think Aviva meant Brutus from Popeye the Sailor Man….often confused with Bluto…..she is one confused lady….she thinks she is only 42, lol!! Poor Sonja, she is a mess….and I think you are right about Kristen wondering WTH?? Lumann looked so out of place at the BBQ but right in step with the Drag Queens, go figure, haha. And Heather, she is a bit crazy but love her….she said the MF properly and with conviction…I would want her to have my back, totes!

  9. boston02127 says:

    I haven’t had time to watch yet but thanks for the great recap. Can’t wait to watch now. I think I may be getting tired of Aviva’s leg. I feel sorry that it happen to her but she needs some other storyline. Leg story or not, she’s a depressing person.

  10. kaereste says:

    I finally watched the episode last night … Bravo did a great job contrasting between Carole has a great time at the parade and Aviva relives when she had TWO legs. It was very annoying because I kept trying to FF through the Dreshers but they were unavoidably intertwined with the parade footage.

  11. Stars99 says:

    Great recap, Empress… I sometimes I wonder how I would react to women screaming at me… I think I’d just sit there, get out my nail file, file my nails, and look entirely disinterested. Ignoring them right as they’re screaming would probably KILL them…lol. We have certainly learned that screaming back doesn’t work, right? The loudest doesn’t win… the one who uses the most creative vulgarities doesn’t win… When I deal with normal people and someone’s voice is elevated, I just continue to lower my voice so they calm down so they actually hear me. That so wouldn’t work on these women. Do they not see themselves? Are they not embarrassed?

    • Rebecca can't understand why people don't appreciate the importance of dragons. says:

      Yes! File your nails…. Then pull a baby dragon out of your purse. When they all stop and turn with their mouths gaping open, say “dracarys.” Then all that’s left is to get the marshmallows on sticks.

  12. Stars99 says:

    Fus Ro Dah!!!!!!!!!

  13. l. merkel says:

    Can’t believe it took 36 years was there Lawsuit cause if it happened to my kids or one of their friends we would have been there for each other !!!!!!

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