It really is all just tits on an ant, isn’t it? After nineteen episodes and three weeks of reunions, this group of women can’t come to terms over some of the most petty, asinine disagreements ever to hit the airways. As viewers and bloggers, we have more combined experience with the Real Housewives of Bravo than the Housewives themselves, and yet they still think we’re as dumb as a box of rocks. No one in their right mind or in real life would fight for months, even years, over some tabloid rumors, a waitress at a restaurant or whether they’re even friends. Those of us who have to go to work, care for children, tend to our homes and keep our relationships in tact would have called it quits on these things a long time ago. Watching these women and Andy Cohen carry on as if any of this matters is insulting and a waste of our time.
If we can, we try to watch with a sense of humor and irony at the sheer madness that Bravo produces. We want to like someone, anyone, to prove to ourselves that any of it is interesting and entertaining. However, we finally reach a point when the storylines become so ridiculous that we become disgusted at the whole thing. We reached that point with the Real Housewives of New Jersey, where families would cut each others’ throats for their fifteen minutes. We held out hope because Beverly Hills held promises of beauty and wealth, shopping on Rodeo Drive and parties at fabulous mansions. Who knew that the most expensive zip code on the planet could turn into the setting for theater of the absurd and the women, wearing designer labels, could become nothing more than screeching, hateful harridans? But that’s where we are and that’s what this franchise has become.
With Andy at the helm, this final part of the reunion was a disaster, not only for what we didn’t see, but for what we did. Things were supposed to revealed and, in some way, I guess they were. Lisa had a target on her back for the beginning of the season and the big reveal is that she’s human. I didn’t expect perfection from her and I didn’t believe that she was anything more than another flawed human being. To hear the other women tell it though, she could cast more spells than Carlton with a cauldron full of toad’s eyes and bat wings. All of their good sense flew right out the window the second she locked eyes with them and they lost any ability to control their thoughts, words and actions. How nice to have a built-in excuse for your own bad behavior.
We’re supposed to overlook that Kyle raised the tabloid issue as much, if not more, than Lisa did. We’re not supposed to notice when Brandi takes her drunken self out into public, onto a podcast or Twitter and digs herself a hole so deep she can’t get out of it without a ladder. We’re supposed to believe that Yolanda really cares about a paint party enough to despise not only Lisa, but her husband, as well. Kim wants us to believe that Lisa’s friendship means so much to her that has to carry on about a graduation party until they next millennium. More that that, though, Lisa would have us believe that she is the benevolent, innocent party who sees, hears and does nothing underhanded or hurtful.
They’re all nuts, really. They’re nuts because they should never have signed up for this kind of television. If there’s one thing Bravo loves and does well is bringing women together only to let us watch them tear each other to pieces. That the women go along with it is totally on them, though. They can change the direction of the shows by simply acting like civilized human beings. Instead, they do Bravo’s bidding and allow themselves to be portrayed in a way no one should want to be seen.
We’re so good at watching these shows, that we know each and every trick in Bravo’s book. There are dinners from hell, vacations from hell, parties from hell, charity events from hell and then, there’s always the “takedown”. Someone always wants to take the crown from whomever is the queen of the franchise and, in certain cities, that may mean an all out wig-grabbing, stiletto-wielding, bitch-slapping brawl. The stage is set from the very first episode and we can predict the outcome months before the season’s end. It’s become the formula and the recipe for the predictable and eventual disaster. It’s also what is making some of us change the channel and find something else to watch that doesn’t raise our blood pressure.
I don’t know what Bravo has in store for Beverly Hills going forward. Viewers are expressing their disappointment on all sorts of social media sites. There’s even a petition to have Brandi fired, but given Bravo’s practices, that might mean a raise in pay is in her future. As we’ve seen, the one who brings the most drama and the worst behavior is all too often rewarded. We’ve wondered if a change in the cast members could help, but that’s seldom the answer. If anything, Bravo looks for someone who is even worse than the devil we know. There doesn’t seem to be a shortage of issue-riddled women willing to play the fool for the sake of fame and in the name of entertainment.
I’m not sure about what I’ll do when the next season of Beverly Hills begins – whether I’ll write about it or not. Never say never, I guess. I’m going to stick with New York for the rest of the season because I haven’t given up on it yet. One thing I am certain of is that I’m going to do my level best not to take Twitter with more than a grain of salt. It’s a war zone, and it sucks the life and fun out of what’s left of the Housewives.
I know this wasn’t a recap, but there really wasn’t more that I could say beyond what’s already been said about the Beverly Hills Housewives. Thank you for reading my posts this season and for all of your wonderful, funny, insightful comments. Most of all, thanks for not being “Housewives”.
If there was a fire and I had to choose, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. I’d save Giggy.