It really is all just tits on an ant, isn’t it? After nineteen episodes and three weeks of reunions, this group of women can’t come to terms over some of the most petty, asinine disagreements ever to hit the airways. As viewers and bloggers, we have more combined experience with the Real Housewives of Bravo than the Housewives themselves, and yet they still think we’re as dumb as a box of rocks. No one in their right mind or in real life would fight for months, even years, over some tabloid rumors, a waitress at a restaurant or whether they’re even friends. Those of us who have to go to work, care for children, tend to our homes and keep our relationships in tact would have called it quits on these things a long time ago. Watching these women and Andy Cohen carry on as if any of this matters is insulting and a waste of our time.
If we can, we try to watch with a sense of humor and irony at the sheer madness that Bravo produces. We want to like someone, anyone, to prove to ourselves that any of it is interesting and entertaining. However, we finally reach a point when the storylines become so ridiculous that we become disgusted at the whole thing. We reached that point with the Real Housewives of New Jersey, where families would cut each others’ throats for their fifteen minutes. We held out hope because Beverly Hills held promises of beauty and wealth, shopping on Rodeo Drive and parties at fabulous mansions. Who knew that the most expensive zip code on the planet could turn into the setting for theater of the absurd and the women, wearing designer labels, could become nothing more than screeching, hateful harridans? But that’s where we are and that’s what this franchise has become.
With Andy at the helm, this final part of the reunion was a disaster, not only for what we didn’t see, but for what we did. Things were supposed to revealed and, in some way, I guess they were. Lisa had a target on her back for the beginning of the season and the big reveal is that she’s human. I didn’t expect perfection from her and I didn’t believe that she was anything more than another flawed human being. To hear the other women tell it though, she could cast more spells than Carlton with a cauldron full of toad’s eyes and bat wings. All of their good sense flew right out the window the second she locked eyes with them and they lost any ability to control their thoughts, words and actions. How nice to have a built-in excuse for your own bad behavior.
We’re supposed to overlook that Kyle raised the tabloid issue as much, if not more, than Lisa did. We’re not supposed to notice when Brandi takes her drunken self out into public, onto a podcast or Twitter and digs herself a hole so deep she can’t get out of it without a ladder. We’re supposed to believe that Yolanda really cares about a paint party enough to despise not only Lisa, but her husband, as well. Kim wants us to believe that Lisa’s friendship means so much to her that has to carry on about a graduation party until they next millennium. More that that, though, Lisa would have us believe that she is the benevolent, innocent party who sees, hears and does nothing underhanded or hurtful.
They’re all nuts, really. They’re nuts because they should never have signed up for this kind of television. If there’s one thing Bravo loves and does well is bringing women together only to let us watch them tear each other to pieces. That the women go along with it is totally on them, though. They can change the direction of the shows by simply acting like civilized human beings. Instead, they do Bravo’s bidding and allow themselves to be portrayed in a way no one should want to be seen.
We’re so good at watching these shows, that we know each and every trick in Bravo’s book. There are dinners from hell, vacations from hell, parties from hell, charity events from hell and then, there’s always the “takedown”. Someone always wants to take the crown from whomever is the queen of the franchise and, in certain cities, that may mean an all out wig-grabbing, stiletto-wielding, bitch-slapping brawl. The stage is set from the very first episode and we can predict the outcome months before the season’s end. It’s become the formula and the recipe for the predictable and eventual disaster. It’s also what is making some of us change the channel and find something else to watch that doesn’t raise our blood pressure.
I don’t know what Bravo has in store for Beverly Hills going forward. Viewers are expressing their disappointment on all sorts of social media sites. There’s even a petition to have Brandi fired, but given Bravo’s practices, that might mean a raise in pay is in her future. As we’ve seen, the one who brings the most drama and the worst behavior is all too often rewarded. We’ve wondered if a change in the cast members could help, but that’s seldom the answer. If anything, Bravo looks for someone who is even worse than the devil we know. There doesn’t seem to be a shortage of issue-riddled women willing to play the fool for the sake of fame and in the name of entertainment.
I’m not sure about what I’ll do when the next season of Beverly Hills begins – whether I’ll write about it or not. Never say never, I guess. I’m going to stick with New York for the rest of the season because I haven’t given up on it yet. One thing I am certain of is that I’m going to do my level best not to take Twitter with more than a grain of salt. It’s a war zone, and it sucks the life and fun out of what’s left of the Housewives.
I know this wasn’t a recap, but there really wasn’t more that I could say beyond what’s already been said about the Beverly Hills Housewives. Thank you for reading my posts this season and for all of your wonderful, funny, insightful comments. Most of all, thanks for not being “Housewives”.
If there was a fire and I had to choose, I wouldn’t even have to think about it. I’d save Giggy.
Empress
realhousewifeofaiken 
Part…Oh, Who Cares
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Precisely.. These shows have become more about debunking the myth of ‘reality’ than about the characters themselves.
Debunking the reality myth is a good way to put it. 😉
I watched on a stream, so it was 6pm here and the feed went out so I missed about 10 minutes. I didn’t even bother watching it when it came on to see what I missed. I know I missed NOTHING!! I watched The Voice instead….. That would have NEVER happened a couple of years ago. I would have watched it as many times as it was on….. “The Good Old Days”
lol… Hysterical… Great job, Empress… Would you or anyone else like to join our “Real Housewives Viewer Apathy Club”… I’m supposed to have the next meeting at my house and I would schedule it, I honestly would… but I just really could NOT care less… Seriously…
I will join your club Stars99. Let me know when the next meeting is and I might show up – or not.
Can I bring LVP sangria?
(ducks)
I love sangria and I’ll bring the brie.
Once I make it through New York, I’m signing up for membership, too.
You’ve said what I’ve been thinking for a good while now. There are so many good viewing choices on television right now that I really no longer have time for what I saw last night. I’m not even interested in recording and watching it later. I’d rather read a book. It’s sad because I used to anticipate watching and talking about these shows. 😦
I know how you feel BB. My anticipation is for the blogs and comments rather than the shows these days.
The blogs and comments are far more entertaining and illuminating than watching the shows themselves – not to mention: far less painful and irritating. Love this blog!
I love this blog too!
Me too!
another crap filled show….
I’ll recap for you….
LIE
SCREAM
CRY
LIE
SCREAM
GOODBYE
LOL! That would have saved me a lot of time and energy last night. 😀
Ha! Yep that was about it!
I agree with you and I just don’t care no more about this #RHOBH reunion at all and the rest of them. I love Lisa , I can’t wait to see her other show coming up just to see her an Ken they are the ones I care about.
I will be very honest and say I feel truly bad for Lisa. I don’t think she has time for drama, but she does react with sarcasm and shade and it never rally comes across well. She does tell jokes that she thinks is funny, but others don’t. However I don’t think they should cray about it for three months.
When the show started, we had some hope. These rich fabulous people were having rich fabulous lives. Lisa is a business owner who employs more than a hundred people. Her businesses give people a good living. Her businesses were seen in a good light. They are celebrity hangouts. Viewers take to her, her husband, her kids, her dog, etc.
Then here comes Adrienne Maloof, lacking charisma, and constantly bickering with her husband. The viewers don’t like this – hence Adrienne now feels the need to malign Lisa. Lisa doesn’t own her restaurants, Lisa sells stories to tabloids (yes this could damage her celebrity hangouts) Sit down and put your helmet on Adrienne. You’re gonna hurt yourself.
And then there’s Kyle. Kyle believed the show was to revolve around her. She’s not interesting. She’s loud. She’s constantly trying to make herself the center of attention. Your target audience is WOMEN. We don’t respond to this. This is behavior only 20 year-olds relate to. Of course Bravo doesn’t want you or a spin-off. Her first mistake was to think Camille was her competition. She made snide remarks every chance she got. All the time her husband is defending Camille. Stung a bit? What she didn’t notice was Lisa getting all the support. She did notice this later though. And then out of no where, she uncoils and attacks. Lisa preys on the weak, being friends with Lisa is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer. You sound like a sore loser. Sit down and shut up.
Then for some reason, some idiot at Bravo thinks its a good idea to bring the trashiest, foul-mouthed, mentally broken person they could find for the show. Complete with a made-up background history with Lisa’s ex-house guest. This moron should be fired. There was never so much negative energy surrounding a cast member ever. She thinks she can say whatever she wants, slander whoever she wants, and then claim “somebody else told me it was true….” And BAM! End of the BH Housewives.
This is now just a stupid show. This is like Jerry Springer. What the hell happened to Bravo? Project Runway? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Top Chef (before Padma came to tart it up)? And then complete crap. What the hell? I hope Lisa packs up her VPR and goes to another network. I love Jeff Lewis, but let’s face it, he’ll probably be replaced with some fake new show where drunken idiots brawl all day – like all the other shows left on Bravo.
You only shout “bravo” when something is good. This is a stupid, stupid network now. NBC needs to change the name to something more fitting.
Rebecca and the dragons are OUT.
Rebecca, I still like Lisa too. Shame on the others for being too stupid to keep up with her. She outplayed them at their own devious, underhanded games and they want to put their failings at her feet.
I’ve been ranting about the programming choices at Bravo since my very first blog post and the shows have only gotten worse.
Beverly Hills may not have reached the kind of violence we’ve seen from the cast members of Atlanta and New Jersey, but Brandi is more than capable of changing that.
Dragons, zombies and gladiators in suits are really all we need.
Well, that was enjoyable; precisely accurate and well stated.
Bravo! Not the channel 😛 but to what you said 🙂
Aren’t you glad Game of Thrones is coming back soon? 🙂
YES! And this will be a packed season. I’m looking forward to the Red Viper, or the prince with zero boundaries.
I love Lisa’s ambition, business savvy and dry British humor. The majority of the other “housewives” are rich, spoiled and have waaaayyy too much time on their hands! If Lisa leaves, I’ll never watch again, she is what keeps me coming back!
Dragons, zombies and gladiators …now, that I would watch! … Wait ..isn’t GOT on soon? we have to wait six months for more zombies and how to escape from a freight train?
Great re-cap Empress ,, I used to rush home from taking my children from their sports practices to watch the Bravo show ..live ..as the BH shows were less and less interesting, I would then set to DVR .. now, I don’t bother with either … 2 seasons of Brandi pretty much ruined it for me to watch BH.. Once Bravo loses their faithful audience, the sponsor/commercial funds will evaporate due to sponsors smarter marketing in placing ads elsewhere. Bravo is deaf as it is dumb for not listening and giving us, their loyal audience, what we really want to watch/see on the BH’s franchise shows .. Stars99 .. count me in! May I bring the champs? 🙂
I’d watch a crossover show with the Housewives vs dragons, zombies, and gladiators.
Good recap Empress. Apathy Club….Sangria, Brie, Champs….ooooooo…Margaritas! YES! I will bring the Margaritas.
Add Chocolate to the menu of the Apathy Club, and you have perfection! You could pull quite a crowd with this new meeting place of like minds. BRAVO has turned into CRAP-O. Bravo execs are either stupid or mentally twisted OR there are legions of people out there who really enjoy what they are churning out this season w/ their HW shows……I vote for option #1, which means there is probably little relief in sight for upcoming seasons.
Cool blog and i agree, specially with
” It’s also what is making some of us change the channel and find something else to watch that doesn’t raise our blood pressure.”
I kept watching to see all end, but i just couldnt make myself watch the reunion. I was so over yhe whole thing even before it started because of all the spoilers/comments feom brandi before the season started. I still watched the season, but not weekly. until i fomally gave up and stop watching all together. I am glad it is over!!
In a way, it was for te better. I wanst anticipating ever episode and I turned to having other things to do and watch. There are some nice tv programs out there 🙂