The ghostwriter debate has escalated into an all out fight.  Aviva and Carole are resorting to name calling and insults at a rapid fire rate.  Carole calls Aviva a bitch and a liar and Aviva thinks Carole is an elitist and unsupportive.  Aviva is still getting her information on Carole from “the word on the street”  and Carole is ready to leave.  They chase each other down a hallway and onto the stairs where it gets even worse.  Aviva screams ” Who in the Kennedys are you still friends with today?” and says that at least she’s not 50.  The Kennedys and being 50?  So much for keeping the discussion above the belt and  to the issue at hand.   Carole says that Aviva is a psychopath with no soul and then cups Aviva’s chin with her hand.  Aviva shouts that Carole shouldn’t touch her and I agree, she shouldn’t have – it was wrong.   At least she didn’t pull her weave or toss a table.    Aviva says that Carole turned her back on her and her kids.  I must have missed something during all the hollering.  What did Carole do to Aviva’s kids?   While the others hear the argument from downstairs, Housewives wannabe Amanda Sanders butts in to quell the fight and continue her self promotion as the next Dana Wilkey.   I question her success as an image consultant if this is the new and improved Aviva Drescher.Ramona and Mario have already escaped and the two combatants take to their corners to garner some support from the remaining cast members.  Carole tells Heather and Kristen that Aviva is a self-centered, self-absorbed jerk and I’m nodding right along with her.   Aviva hugs Sonja who seems to think Aviva knows what she’s talking about.  Aviva has a little pity part/tantrum and tells her listeners, with Amanda front and center, how she’s a shit writer, that Carole is the best writer in the world, yada, yada, yada.   Before Carole leaves, she tells Reid that his wife is not a nice person.  Maybe he knows that, maybe he doesn’t.  She then goes over to Harry and says, “Nice to meet you.  I totally understand your divorce.”  Probably not the nicest thing to say, but it was funny – yep, it was not nice and it was funny.

Heather stops by Ramona’s apartment and they talk about the less than warm housewarming party.  Heather is doing her best trying to convince Ramona that Aviva is slandering Carole and says, “She doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  Pun intended.”  Ramona isn’t really paying attention because she’s focused on the college-bound Avery.  Avery and her friends are preparing for their prom and Ramona is shedding a few tears about how beautiful and grown up they look.  Avery is her one and only, and watching her grow up and leave for college is like losing an arm.

Bravo included a scene between Carole and her editor, Barbara Jones and the two also talk about the ghostwriter brouhaha.  Barbara laughs it off and say that her work would be a lot easier if she was working with a ghostwriter.

Sonja enters her townhouse, looking like Holly Golightly minus the cigarette holder.  She has a new intern who needs to understand the rules and duties that will be required of her.  Sonja explains that she had an intern who power washed her couch, so that sort of thing is frowned upon.  She also tells the young woman that she gets all sort of requests for appearances where she makes oodles of money.  She’s especially popular on the college circuit as a MILF.   She then fumbles through some quote from Ivana Trump about strong women and hot water and tea.  It’s Sonja. What can you say?

Aviva is having a photo shoot in Central Park for her book cover.   She wants to look like just a regular girl so book buyers won’t recognize the crazy until after they read it.  Kristen just happens to stop by and they occupy a park bench to do another play by play over the ghostwriter thing.  Kristen says that she can see Carole’s side of it and that Aviva doesn’t have the same background as a writer.  Oh, no, no, no – Aviva says she does have a tremendous, huge, fantabulous background in writing and then proceeds to tell her Carole about her English degree and law school and the disconcerting essay/letter to her mother* she wrote for “Chicken Soup for the Soul.”  She hasn’t written anything since law school, which was twenty years ago,  so I don’t know what Aviva means when she says she’s a writer.   Aviva then spots a turtle and the conversation is over.  Turtles are a big deal with Housewives, aren’t they?

Carole is having a baby shower for a friend of hers, Laurie.  They don’t know Laurie, but Heather, Jonathan and Ella are there, as are Kristen, Sonja and Ramona.  Jonathan and Ella get to take off early, leaving the other ladies to talk babies and books.  Carole thinks that Ramona is being used as a pawn by Aviva and has invited Nathan, a writer, to explain the difference between an editor and ghostwriter to Ramona.  That was a bit of overkill on Carole’s part and Ramona was somewhat insulted.   Carole pulls Ramona aside so that they can talk and talk and talk about Aviva.  Ramona says that she was just trying to make peace in among the group.   Carole tells Ramona that she’s going to take her out of it, but that Aviva has no respect for Carole.  Friends don’t say what Aviva said.

Kristen and her husband are going to participate in the Spartan Race, which his company is sponsoring.  Heather and Jonathan has agreed to join them.  Kristen is worried about the whole thing.  It did look grueling and more than a little muddy.   I would have written a check and sat on the sidelines with a latte while I cheered the rest of them on.   Her husband isn’t helping by telling her that she  was a pussy during the last event they were in.  After promising Kristen that they’ll have her back, Heather and Josh leave her in their wake.    She struggles through the race and the obstacles, finally making it to the finish line on her own.   When Josh meets up with her and tries to hug her, she pushes him away, telling him, “Seriously, get the f**k off of me.  I’m not talking to you right now.”  He tells her that no one else is complaining and she should “man up.”  Oh, no.  I don’t think that was wanted she wanted to hear.   Kristen tells him she ran the race for him but still he doesn’t get it.  He just repeats his stupidity – “Man up.”  Hey, pal – diamond earrings may not fix this one.

*Aviva’s “essay” – http://www.avivadrescher.com/sites/default/files/docs/ChickenSoupExcerpt.pdf

Empress