Just like the Housewives, the second part of a three-part reunion is nothing but filler.  If there’s anything interesting, we see it during the first and third parts, but Bravo has to put something in the time slot, so there it is.

Carlton explained Wicca and I still don’t understand it.  She said that it’s about harnessing nature to effect necessary change.  The same could be said of the Hoover Dam, solar panels and windmills.  As no one on the couch could understand her either, Andy changed the subject and asked her why she and Kyle don’t get along.  This led to another argument about dead bees, Lisa’s nipples and labels.   They started up again about the pentagram versus Jewish Star dispute and all hell broke loose.  Carlton didn’t like being labeled and anti-Semite and Kyle told her she was a liar and a hypocrite.  So, Carlton, Our Lady of Label Loathers, called Kyle a bigot.   Joyce weighed in and told Carlton that she knows about pentagrams thanks to a serial killer.   When Kyle told Carlton that she disliked her from the get go because she’d seen the show before becoming a Housewife herself, Carlton told her that wasn’t true.  Oh Caaaarltoooon, look what I found, you little minx, you – an interview from Parade magazine that you gave last November.  Do you remember saying this?  “I actually hadn’t watched a lot of reality TV before I joined. I did, however, have to catch up on a couple of episodes when I knew it was going to materialize.  Since then I have watched all the seasons.”

Kim and Yolanda are weeping and wailing about their daughters going off to college.  Kimberly is studying and Gigi is not.   I wanted Andy to ask Yolanda what Gigi is majoring in.   “Andy, I don’t know of thees major you speak.  She’s dating a nice boy.  Hees on Dancing Wid da Stars.  Gigi ees rookie of da year for Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret.  I’m so proud – yes, so confused and proud.”

 

Now comes the time when the ladies unleash themselves on Lisa.  Kim is harping on and on about the graduation party.  Lisa tried to explain that she wasn’t sure she could make it, but Kim is on a roll – logic and reason are not about to stop her.  She charged right into the same tirade she used on Yolanda at least years’ reunion.  “I lost a huge chunk of my fucking life and my kids’ lives.  I’m SOOOORY if I didn’t show up for a party or two.”   Lisa said that she doesn’t always understand Kim when she talks about turtles and stuff, that Kim is eccentric.  Eccentric isn’t the half of it, Lisa.   The others inserted themselves into this, too.  Brandi thinks Lisa just likes to point out how Kim is always missing events and doesn’t show up when she says she is going to.   That’s pretty funny when you think about Brandi telling Kyle that she didn’t want to see her sister get sober.   What a difference a year makes – or not.  Lisa says that she called Kim quite a few times to check on her and make sure she was alright.  Lisa also said that one of the times she called was to find out if Kim’s son had broken his leg, only to find out that it wasn’t a broken leg, but something else entirely.  Kim nearly climbed over her sister to deny that conversation ever took place.  It looked to me like Lisa hit a real sore point with that one.

Andy loved all this drama and fighting so much, he brought up the heated exchange between Kim and Ken in Puerto Rico.  Kim said that Ken is a mean and nasty man with a bad temper.  I imagine that Ken has heard and seen enough from Kim to turn into exactly that when she’s around.   Lisa told Kim to stop talking shit about her husband behind his back.

Moving on to Brandi.  She’s had a bad year – another one.  As I recall, she said that last year, too.  She’s taking Lexapro and washing it down with lots of wine – sounds counterproductive if you ask me.  Her Dad was sick, her Dad wasn’t talking to her, her dog went missing,  she can’t keep a boyfriend for more than five minutes, Lisa and Ken pushed her away, the paparazzi follow her around and take bad pictures of her, the polar vortex caused her jaw to freeze, resulting in TMJ, she broke her hand, and none of her clothes are long enough to cover her ass.   And it’s all, ALL, Lisa’s fault.

Just one more to go.

Empress