Somebody tell me what Olivia Pope sees in Fitzgerald Grant.  Eli reads him out, calls him a boy and a spoiled brat,  and what does he do?   He acts like a boy and a spoiled brat.  When Cyrus and Mellie come into the Oval Office to tell him that Vice President Sally is running for President, he has a tantrum, right after he removes his tongue from Olivia’s mouth.    He throws his glass of Scotch across the room, just missing Cyrus’ head, then starts pouting.   He doesn’t care what his loyal advisers, lover, wife, whoever, tell him.  When Olivia tries to reason with him, he barks at her to get out of his office.  See what I mean – when is she going to see that this guy just isn’t all he’s cracked up to be.   He’s already picked a new running mate, his former Lieutenant Governor, Andrew Nichols, who also happens to have a reputation for being a playboy.  Fitz doesn’t care, he’s the Prez and he’s going to get what he wants.   We can only hope that he also gets what he deserves.

Sally, on the other hand, is telling her campaign manager, Leo, how the devil crawled inside her and made her kill that closeted gay husband of hers.  The guy had it coming  and Sally was doing God’s work by smiting the sinner.   She knows that she was being punished for supporting a woman’s right to choose and other sinful acts.  She’s turned a corner, though, going back to her roots, shall we say.   A quick exorcism and she has Jesus back on her side.  Sally is also clear that she isn’t going to resign as Vice President, either.  Nope, she’s going to be right by Fitz’s side, every muddy, bloody step of the way.  In case you voters out there in Shondaland are getting a little worried, you should be.  Here are your choices for President:  Fitzgerald Grant, the  sitting President who got elected thanks to a rigged election and who also murdered a Supreme Court Justice, and Sally Langston, who killed her husband and is nothing short of being bat shit crazy.

Eli’s now unemployed and can’t afford a home, so he meets his daughter at a bench in front of the WWII memorial.  Olivia’s heard about his dismissal from B613 and thinks she knows what happened.  Eli, who can deliver a message like nobody’s business, explains that she doesn’t know anything.  So, he tells her, “You have no idea what happened. … You’re skipping around in a field full of bombs mistaking them for daisies.”  He says that Fitz just made the worst enemy he could, because Eli knows where all the bodies are buried – “And the greatest weapon I can use against him calls me ‘dad.'”  Papa Pope tells his little girl that she should start grieving now, and then run, far, far away, – the faster and sooner the better.  We know that she isn’t going to listen.  She’s still dreaming about maple syrup and snowy nights in front of a fire in that house in Vermont.  So, she does what she always does, which is to agree to help Fitz get reelected.

Sally and Leo have a few dirty tricks up their sleeves and while Leo is on a talk show with Abby from Pope and Associates, Leo announces that Olivia Pope is the President’s mistress.  Everybody at the White House thought that they’d put that rumor to rest when they threw the intern under the bus by accusing her instead.  Mellie takes matters into her own hands, with some prodding from Cyrus.  She invites Olivia to a very public lunch so that the whole world can see that they’re just the very best of friends.  Mellie even brought a little gift for her rival – a list of Washington’s most eligible bachelors, on official White House stationery no less, for Olivia to date.  Taking the list and her marching orders, Olivia goes out on a date with one of them, to the delight of the paparazzi.

The devil is making the rounds among our Washington insiders.  James is now the White House Press Secretary – a deal he made with his husband, in exchange for his silence.  But James has something that could be considered a conscience.   He’s been snooping around, making tapes of his hubby’s phone calls and calling a reporter with delicious details about Sally and the circumstances surrounding her husband’s death.  Daniel Douglas didn’t have an autopsy, or, if he did, nobody can find the records.  He’s texting the reporter as Publius because Deep Throat was already taken. He’s also running to David Rosen with his information because he now realizes that Cyrus is a monster.  David isn’t ready to take James at his word, though: he’s thinking “fool me once…”.

Pope and Associates, looking for dirt on Sally, are also interested in Daniels’ death, but Leo’s leaps and bounds ahead of them.  He puts a call in to Charlie, who’s shopping with Quinn, filling a  cart with some tools of the trade at a local hardware store.  Charlie and Quinn snatch the son of Coroner and listen, just out of sight, while Abby and Huck ask her about Daniel’s death.  She tells the gladiators that he was drunk and fell in the bathroom, hitting the toilet and cracking his head.  Huck and Abby go off on their merry way, and Charlie and Quinn let the boy go back into the arms of his terrified mother.  Since we’re talking about Quinn, just what is she up to?  Is she trying to get in with B613 to get back at Huck or to get back into Olivia’s good gladiator graces?  Oh well, so many double-dealers, so little time.

Harrison’s worst fears have come true.  Adnan Salif is alive, well and at Pope and Associates.  I don’t believe that I was the only one who thought the dreaded Salif was a man with murder on his mind, so when she came through the door, most of us were surprised.  Harrison’s reaction wasn’t quite what we expected, either.  After getting over his initial shock, the two of them tore each others’ clothes off and had sex right on his desk.   Does this mean he has nothing to worry about or is he just as clueless as his boss when it comes to picking bed fellows?

Andrew Nichols has a secret from his past, too.  When he told Olivia about the one who got away, he was talking about Mellie.  Oh, don’t start judging FLOTUS.  What’s good for the gander is just as good for the goose, maybe even better.

Leo and Eli have a clandestine meeting.  Fitz should start grieving, then run – far, far away.  We’ll see if Jake is the type of Command it’s going to take against all the odds.  Besides, we don’t know what Mama Pope has up the sleeves of her white trench coat.

Empress