The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Birthday Witch

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus, “The Great Pumpkin”

The Peanuts gang knew better as to what topics should be avoided during social events,and the ladies of Bravo would be wise to listen to them.  In fact, all of the Housewives should limit their conversations to things like shoes and facials and body waxing, you, know, things they actually know something about.  They can’t even talk about their own beliefs without messing it all up.   Carlton has brought her Wiccan beliefs into the storyline but, apparently,  isn’t as fluent in what it’s all about as she professes to be.   She’s thrown her witchiness into the mix at every opportunity and yet becomes so enraged when someone dares to ask the simplest question that she just ends up looking like a complete jackass.

So, the group, minus Yolanda, Joyce and Kim, ruined another beautiful dinner party by going after each other’s religions.  Carlton, who is in a tie with Brandi for dropping the F-bomb everywhere she goes, seethed all through the first, second and third courses of Ken’s and Mauricio’s birthday party, focusing her very dark energy on Kyle.Carlton Gebbia

Kyle, having had enough of Carlton’s crap, called her an anti-Semite.  That was dumb and really inappropriate, but one can almost understand just how frustrated Kyle must be at this point with Carlton’s repeated attacks.   I don’t think Carlton is antisemitic any more than I think Brandi is a racist.  Both of them are just ignorant and say whatever they want to whomever they want – consequences be damned.   Then again, ignorance is the basis for a lot of prejudice, so I might have to rethink that one.  What Kyle’s accusation did was give Carlton just what she wanted – a chance to lecture her about labeling people as well as an excuse to get up and leave the party.  Now that I think about it, maybe Kyle did everyone a favor.  Oh dear, this is the second time I said something nice about Kyle.  Damn you, Carlton.

If we weren’t convinced before this soiree that Bravo manipulates its stars, the storyline and the viewers, another situation presented itself that sealed the deal.  Even though Lisa was not catering the dinner, her SUR staff was there to serve the guests.  Okay, I get it – Bravo and the Vanderpumps are promoting the restaurant as well as Vanderpump Rules, so no surprise there.   What was an obvious attempt to play all of us was that Scheana, the girl who slept with Brandi’s ex, Eddie Cibrian, was working the party.  Not only was she delivering plates of food, but Lisa urged Brandi to go over to the girl and say something nice about her recent engagement.Brandi Glanville, Ken Todd, Scheana Marie, Stassi Schroeder

We’re supposed to be shocked by this  while pretending that it came as a compete surprise to Brandi.  Well, maybe it did and maybe it didn’t.  Brandi has been on social media telling us that she is the one who brings the drama and the ratings, not only to the Real Housewives, but to Vanderpump Rules.  Given that the only drama Brandi can bring to VR is her purported hatred for Scheana, then why should any of us believe that this scene was mere happenstance?  In case we were  still falling for the ruse, Brandi hammered to home by taking to Twitter to berate Lisa for the “set-up”.

U celebrate,LOVE,take under ur wing,throw party’s 4a chick that fucks married men with pregnant wives but asks Kristen 2 go?

Along with this to Andy Cohen, during WWHL:

RU FUCKING sereious LV?? U kept her away from me at SUR but then surprised me with her at Kens Bday!! Calling BS on u LV -C u Friday

I take, from her second missive, that the reunion will take place on Friday.   She also responded to a comment that Jax whatshisface made about Brandi’s going to SUR by blaming Jeff Lewis.  It looks as if Jeff dragged her, kicking and screaming, into the restaurant and that she had no choice but to go along.  Oh, and because she hearts him – sweet.

1last thing the ONLY reason I went to Sur is because double asked me to walk over from and I heart him so I did

The only upside to all of these exchanges is that Andy didn’t give them any airtime, unlike what transpired last week, with Yolanda and Brandi – tiny blessings.

We didn’t see much of Yolanda or Kim during this episode.  Yolanda was helping her daughter, Gigi, pack for school while protecting her privacy.  Kim went to a tattoo artist so that she and her daughter, Kimberly, could get moLisa Vanderpumpther-daughter butterfly tattoos on their wrists.  Joyce had lunch with Carlton to iron out the “I put a spell on you” thing.   I liked it when Ken was getting Giggy ready for the festivities, picking out his little outfit and affording him some privacy by not allowing his  naked doggy body to be exposed to the cameras.   Ken and Giggy know how to retain some dignity while appearing on television.

Brandi told Scheana that she doesn’t think she’ll ever get married again because she doesn’t believe in marriage anymore.   I think Brandi has no idea what she’s talking about.  What she and Eddie had isn’t what most of want out of a marriage.  They enjoyed every kind of indulgence – spending what they didn’t have, inviting other people into their bed – and yet Brandi was surprised when her serial philanderer had another affair and married Leann Rimes.   I’m not condoning what he did – far from it – nor do I like to see Brandi and her children suffer as a result.  What I’ll never understand is how they expected this twisted take on marriage to have ended any other way.   Given his propensity for being unfaithful, her willing participation in threesomes (which she now claims was another one of her jokes) and a complete lack of boundaries,  it was inevitable.   The strangest thing about it all is that if Eddie hadn’t taken up with someone as well-known as Ms. Rimes, we would never had heard of Brandi Glanville.  Bravo really does reach for the lowest common denominator.

Sheesh, I almost forgot – Brandi had a photo shoot for the cover of her long anticipated addition to the literary world, “Drinking and Dating”.  And she’s back to dating the realtor.  Lock your bathroom doors.

By the way, does anyone know what Carlton was doing with her phone during the dinner party?


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4 Responses to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Birthday Witch

  1. TexasTart says:

    So true, on so many levels! Thanks for the recap, Empress! 🙂

  2. MelTheHound says:

    You know, I’ve often wondered in a non caring sort of way, who Eddie was cheating on when he met Brandi and, did she know about it?

  3. designernailsdiana says:

    Empress….Thanks for a different view of the dinner party/birthday from hell. I think that Yo and Joyce not attending was for the best. Joyce had her lovely “lets clear the air” luncheon with Carlton and learn to never mention children to CG because she’s not THAT kind of wiccan! Didn’t I hear her say she only does white witch craft now… in the past she did dark wc?
    :eye roll: anyway who cares it’s all just a faux reality show with faux rich women.

  4. windycitywondering2 says:

    I am dubbing this the Season of No Manners and Big Labels. Not the designer labels we tune into see, but the ones that should be thought about long and hard before saying much less assigning to people you don’t really know. Joyce excels at this but Kyle, not to be outdone, had to throw one at Carlton at the birthday party. I am offended by this behavior to the point that I don’t care what else these women do or say – they suck in my book and I don’t want to watch them.
    I was taught (and truly believe) that you do not discuss politics or religion in polite company. That talking about sex (your sex life or anyone else’s) or personal financials was equally frowned upon. But this cast apparently was raised differently and some just get offended because it is easier than changing their rude behavior.
    This was the franchise that I hung my hopes upon – the one that would show the fabulous life styles, dinner parties, palatial homes, closets, fridges and designer clothes, shoes and accessories that would satisfy that peek the franchise promised. And after seeing RHNY promo with the lonely leg lying on the floor – no thank you New York City!

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