Yolanda is planning a dinner party to celebrate her road towards recovery after nine months of being ill with Lyme Disease.  What better way to commemorate this than by inviting the ladies of Bravo’s Beverly Hills?   She’s at a florist, spending $1,000 on flowers and planning her menu with the caterer.  It’s exhausting work.

It’s suddenly evening and Joyce and her husband, Michael are out for dinner, where Joyce tells him all about the trip to Palm Springs because they didn’t have the opportunity to talk until the cameras were on them.   Her husband is shocked after hearing the things Brandi said to Joyce,  and she says that she should have said that Brandi is a whore.

Oops, it’s daylight again and Brandi is posting flyers on light poles asking for the public’s help in finding her dog Chica, who went missing after a mysterious burglary or  dog-napping incident while they were in Palm Springs.  She’s also enlisted the aid of her BFF Jennifer, another friend Salvador, along with Mauricio, Kyle, Kim and Portia.  Mauricio tried to tell Portia that everyone should keep positive thoughts but Portia slapped her hand over his mouth.   So far the only one who got in trouble for the missing chihuahua was Brandi’s assistant, Cameron.   Hold on right there – Brandi has an assistant?  I thought she was a struggling, single Mom, working her fingers to the bone to keep a roof over her children’s heads.   Oh well, what really happened was that Kingsley helped Chica escape – then he was taken into custody, put behind bars and driven away to some secret location for interrogation.  Kim’s working on raising bond money for his release.   As long as he keeps that muzzle on, he’ll never give up Chica’s whereabouts.  Dogs are good at keeping secrets.

Carlton is working out the details for her basement “play room” with the beautiful and inappropriate nanny, Elizy.   While Carlton writes down her notes for the proper placement of certain gadgets and devices, Elizy pretends that she’s never seen the collection of whips, handcuffs and masks with gag-balls.Carlton likes to keep her man happy – 50 Shades of Gebbia-style.  I’m not judging any couple or what they want to do to keep the flame alive.  Whatever blows your skirt up.

Casa Foster is a busy place.  The caterer is injecting the strawberries with a syringe filled with Gran Marnier and placing them into the glass showcase known as Yolanda’s fridge.   The guests are on their way, and Kyle and Brandi are sharing a limo.  They’ve already started drinking and Kyle wants Brandi to model at a fund-raiser for the children’s hospital.  Brandi says that she’ll do anything for the kids, even crawl on her knees, licking dust off the floor in her thong.  Thanks, Brandi, but I think the kids have enough problems without having to see that.   Carlton calls Yolanda, who’s getting dressed in a closet that could pass for a boutique, and tells her that she can’t come because she’s sick and doesn’t want to be around Yolanda due to her illness.  What she meant was that Elizy swallowed the key to the restraints, and Carlton and her husband were chained to a wall in the play room.

Brandi and Kyle are at the door and David answers.  He tells them that Gigi is going to be Carlton’s seat filler for the dinner.  Joyce and Michael are next to arrive and Brandi, in her talking head, explains that Joyce is very competitive.  Everything has to be about Joyce.  Even Gigi is competition because she’s younger and prettier than Joyce.  Oh, Brandi, give it a rest.  Joyce is younger and at least as pretty as you are.  You’re starting to sound a bit competitive, too.

Mauricio arrives alone and hugs Ken.  Kyle comes over to kiss her husband, putting to rest any rumors that he’s cheating on her with Ken Todd.  Kim manages to get there, somehow. Lisa, Brandi and Kyle greet each other by doing some Beverly Hills ritual of breast grabbing and boob bumping.  They want to know who has implants and who doesn’t and the best way to find out is by feeling each other up.  Let’s all try that at the next dinner parties we attend, okay?

The guests are brought into the dining room and there’s a huge blow up over the place cards.  Kyle wants to know why her card doesn’t have a heart on it.  “But, but, but, Lisa has one and Brandi has one and Kim and I don’t have hearts.  I want a heart and I want it now.  I’ll start crying – or do the splits.”  Yolanda says that it was her unconscious speaking, but, then says that the hearts are reserved for the Dream Team.  This from the woman who talks about the group acting like grown women and not being in junior high.   Brandi says that it was a dicky accident – what the hell is a dicky accident? – so Yolanda has to be forgiven.

Brandi is getting drunker by the minute and starts giggling about everything.  David rises to give a toast to his guests and his wife, then Yolanda stands and offers a toast to her husband.  it was really sweet, actually.  She thanked him for his love and for standing beside her during her illness.   Then David asks Joyce to give a toast in Spanish.  Thanks to Bravo’s sub-titles, we saw that it was clearly a thoughtful and beautiful toast.  Brandi, however, finds the whole thing downright hilarious, and starts making remarks about Joyce’s pageant placement.  Has she ever eaten at the grownups’ table before?   Of, course, Lisa tries to stop her nonsense, but laughs right along with Brandi, so it kind of lost any sense of sincerity.  Brandi now wants to know whether Michael is a baby or a man, mocking Joyce for calling her husband “baby”.  Michael says that he’s both and that his wife can call him baby if she likes.  You have to love a guy who stands up for his wife – and is man enough to be called baby in public.

David then asks Gigi, who ate two pumpkin seeds during dinner,  to tell the group about the secret language she shares with her sisters.  She offers a few words of personal gibberish but Kyle thinks the girl is stealing the limelight.  “OOO- OOO, over here!!!  Kim and I have a secret language, too. ”   Kim and Kyle, who were both actresses – dontcha know – start speaking Richards and everyone feigns interest.   Kyle also enjoys chomping on those strawberries, telling everyone that they’re filled with Botox.   She’s a funny girl, alright – and a posed and elegant dinner guest, as well.

David then announces that it’s time for the evening’s entertainment.  He orders the Canadian Tenors out of the kitchen where they’ve been rinsing dirty dishes with the catering staff.   David tells his guests that they can sing along, then changes his mind and sits at the piano.  The tenors sing “The Prayer” (pardon my teary, wistful sigh).  See Bravo,  THIS IS WHAT WE WANT.  Rich people having fancy dinner parties with fabulous and famous people singing wonderful songs.   Just film music night at the Foster house, leave the rest of the ladies at home and viewers might start coming back for more.

The party’s over and Joyce and Michael are in their limo.   Michael says that Brandi is lonely and drinks too much.  He suggests that Joyce have a Brandi intervention but Joyce declines.  She tells Michael that that’s a task best left to the Dream Team.  Or the viewers.

Empress