I was hoping to keep this seasons’ recaps light and funny, but Brandi just turned this into a nasty mess, and she had some help. Another girls’ trip is going about the same as most of them do – choose sides, find a target or two and go in for the kill. Last season, it was Brandi’s turn to be the victim and she’s learned a lot from the experience. No, she’s not hiding anyone’s crutches just to watch them squirm. Brandi, in order to show how she’s the truth-sayer, you know, the fun girl’s girl, has decided that it’s perfectly okay to insult people of every race, religion and national origin during one weekend in Palm Springs.
Her first attack was directed at her hostess, Joyce, who Brandi insisted on calling Jacqueline. According to Brandi, it was alright because Joyce annoys her so she thought she should annoy Joyce. She giggled when she said that it was said by accident, at first, but it continued long after Joyce stopped finding it funny and asked her to stop. Brandi doesn’t stop anything if she doesn’t want to. Maybe she can’t. Maybe she’s so immature that her impulse control hasn’t fully developed yet. It got worse during dinner, after Brandi became what she called “drunk-ish”. Calling Joyce “Jacqueline” became a taunt and an insult. Brandi said that Joyce wasn’t a Latin name and Joyce would be better suited as a “Jacquelina Latina”.
She didn’t give Joyce time to come up for air during this episode. After the bikini body contest, Carlton and Brandi got into the pool and asked Joyce why she wasn’t joining them. Joyce said that she didn’t want to get in the water. In normal circumstances, that should have been the end of the conversation, but Brandi, egged on by her new bestie, Carlton, wouldn’t let it go. In fact, she amped it up a bit and said that Joyce wouldn’t go in the water because black people don’t swim or like to get their weaves wet. Funny stuff, right? Well Brandi sure in hell thought it was. At least the rest of the group managed to arrange looks of surprise on their Botoxed faces.
Now, about that best bikini body contest. Brandi was wearing one that she was proud to announce, bore the picture of Jesus’ mother on her boobs. She pointed it out more than once, gleefully squealing how the Virgin Mary was emblazoned across the teensy top. This is getting funnier by the second, right Brandi? Well, here’s my take on it:
Yes, Brandi, that was the Virgin Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe, to be more specific. The image you had on your bikini top is an image of a miracle. We who were raised Catholic aren’t in the habit of mocking religious symbols. We don’t wear them on items of clothing to show off our girly pieces, and we don’t make fun of them or find such things funny. We would no sooner insult the Blessed Mother than we would take to wearing a Star of David on our asses as a fashion statement. The fact that you find it hilarious speaks to how truly foolish and disrespectful you are. You do us and yourself a disservice by making a mockery of what so many of us hold so very dear. Now, wipe that stupid smirk off your face, Google the miracle of Guadalupe, and apologize – and mean it.
Carlton, you’re not getting off so easy, either. You laughed right along with your friend, in between kisses. You’re ready and willing to take off the head of anyone who even comes close to questioning your witchiness, and yet, you had no problem with Brandi’s display of poor judgment. Be a Wiccan, take your cat for acupuncture and decorate your house with all the crosses you want, but remember, yours is not the only set of beliefs worth following – or respecting. To you and Brandi, no, I’m not overly sensitive or void of a sense of humor. Believe me, I find a lot of what all of you do rather amusing. There are just some lines you don’t cross and both of you crossed a boatload of them in Palm Springs.
While I’m on a roll, I’d just like to say a couple more things to you, Brandi. Last week you tweeted a youtube video, offering up a preemptive mea culpa for your behavior during this trip. You said that we’d understand after we saw the episodes, and that we probably wouldn’t see everything that made you act the way you did. Here’s the deal, though. If you feel the need to apologize for what you did, why did you do it in the first place? I mean this isn’t the first time you’ve made yourself look foolish and pathetic. So why do you keep doing these things? You have to know that how you’re seen and perceived reflects not only on you but on your entire family – your kids, your siblings and your parents. That can’t be how you want us or them to see you. At some point you have to realize that they’re being judged because of your actions. It’s how the world works, whether we like it or not. We judge each other all the time, often by what may seem to be the smallest, most insignificant things. If you don’t want the haters to hate – your words, not mine – then don’t give them any ammunition. Leave that “wild-child” thing where it belongs – to girls half your age. Conduct yourself with respect and dignity, and you’ll get it right back. It’s that easy, trust me.
For my readers, who were expecting some snark, I’m sure I’ll get my act together by next week, when Brandi gets drunk again and turns into Taylor.