The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Palm Springs Breakers

I was hoping to keep this seasons’ recaps light and funny, but Brandi just turned this into a nasty mess, and she had some help.  Another girls’ trip is going about the same as most of them do – choose sides, find a target or two and go in for the kill.  Last season, it was Brandi’s turn to be the victim and she’s learned a lot from the experience.  No, she’s not hiding anyone’s crutches just to watch them squirm.  Brandi, in order to show how she’s the truth-sayer, you know, the fun girl’s girl, has  decided that it’s perfectly okay to insult people of every race, religion and national origin during one weekend in Palm Springs.

Her first attack was directed at her hostess, Joyce, who Brandi insisted on calling Jacqueline.   According to Brandi, it was alright because Joyce annoys her so she thought she should annoy Joyce.   She giggled when she said that it was said by accident, at first, but it continued long after Joyce stopped finding it funny and asked her to stop.  Brandi doesn’t stop anything if she doesn’t want to.  Maybe she can’t.  Maybe she’s so immature that her impulse control hasn’t fully developed yet.  It got worse during dinner, after Brandi became what she called “drunk-ish”.   Calling Joyce “Jacqueline” became a taunt and an insult. Brandi said that Joyce wasn’t a Latin name and Joyce would be better suited as  a “Jacquelina Latina”.

She didn’t give Joyce time to come up for air during this episode.  After the bikini body contest, Carlton and Brandi got into the pool and asked Joyce why she wasn’t joining them.  Joyce said that she didn’t want to get in the water.  In normal circumstances, that should have been the end of the conversation, but Brandi, egged on by her new bestie, Carlton, wouldn’t let it go.  In fact, she amped it up a bit and said that Joyce wouldn’t go in the water because black people don’t swim or like to get their weaves wet.  Funny stuff, right?  Well Brandi sure in hell thought it was.  At least the rest of the group managed to arrange looks of surprise on their Botoxed faces.

Now, about that best bikini body contest.  Brandi was wearing one that she was proud to announce, bore the picture of Jesus’ mother on her boobs.   She pointed it out more than once, gleefully squealing how the Virgin Mary was emblazoned across the teensy top.   This is getting funnier by the second, right Brandi?   Well, here’s my take on it:

Yes, Brandi,  that was the Virgin Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe, to be more specific.  The image you had on your bikini top is an image of a miracle.  We who were raised Catholic aren’t in the habit of mocking religious symbols.  We don’t wear them on items of clothing to show off our girly pieces, and we don’t make fun of them or find such things funny.   We would no sooner insult the Blessed Mother than we would take to wearing a Star of David on our asses as a fashion statement.  The fact that you find it hilarious speaks to how truly foolish and disrespectful you are.   You do us and yourself a disservice by making a mockery of what so many of us hold so very dear.   Now, wipe that stupid smirk off your face, Google the miracle of Guadalupe, and apologize – and mean it.

Carlton, you’re not getting off so easy, either.  You laughed right along with your friend, in between kisses.   You’re ready and willing to take off the head of anyone who even comes close to questioning your witchiness, and yet, you had no problem with Brandi’s display of poor judgment.  Be a Wiccan, take your cat for acupuncture and decorate your house with all the crosses you want, but remember, yours is not the only set of beliefs worth following – or respecting.  To you and Brandi, no, I’m not overly sensitive or void of a sense of humor.  Believe me, I find a lot of what all of you do rather amusing.  There are just some lines you don’t cross and both of you crossed a boatload of them in Palm Springs.

While I’m on a roll, I’d just like to say a couple more things to you, Brandi.  Last week you tweeted a youtube video, offering up a preemptive mea culpa for your behavior during this trip.  You said that we’d understand after we saw the episodes, and that we probably wouldn’t see everything that made you act the way you did.  Here’s the deal, though.  If you feel the need to apologize for what you did, why did you do it in the first place?   I mean this isn’t the first time you’ve made yourself look foolish and pathetic.   So why do you keep doing these things?    You have to know that how you’re seen and perceived reflects not only on you but on your entire family – your kids, your siblings and your parents.   That can’t be how you want us or them to see you.  At some point you have to realize that they’re being judged because of your actions.  It’s how the world works, whether we like it or not.  We judge each other all the time, often by what may seem to be the smallest, most insignificant things.   If you don’t want the haters to hate – your words, not mine – then don’t give them any ammunition.  Leave that “wild-child” thing where it belongs – to girls half your age.  Conduct yourself with respect and dignity, and you’ll get it right back.   It’s that easy, trust me.

For my readers, who were expecting some snark, I’m sure I’ll get my act together by next week, when Brandi gets drunk again and turns into Taylor.


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25 Responses to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Palm Springs Breakers

    • Oh my sweet princess, Brandi and Carlton made me break my Housewives keyboard and I’ve been up most of the night trying to duct tape it back together. 😀

      • LOL!! Who does that??? They are all so ridic!!! The thing that gets me is I wonder how long the dinner actually lasted….I would have been “outta there!” But I am not a glutton for punishment or a paycheck!!

  1. NJBev says:

    With a little luck she’ll read these wise words and take heed-
    Something you said actually made me wonder if she doesn’t have some sort
    of mental disease ? Turrets ? something that doesn’t allow your mouth to filter
    before you automatically shout it out?? Even the most entitled Bitch
    would eventually think about her kids before going this far just for shock value,
    don’t you think??
    Great blog and so well said.

    • NJBev, I doubt that Brandi and the rest of the Housewives even know about this blog, and even if she did read this, I doubt that Brandi takes any advice or criticism very well.
      I don’t know if Brandi has a medical condition – she just seems to have some sort of arrested development and her fame has gone to her head. It looks like she thinks she’s being absolutely adorable by being completely inappropriate, as she tweeted last night “90% of the time”.

      • rabblerouser2010R says:

        Sadly, you are correct. Your words of wisdom and advice would not be well received by Brandi. I think her handlers have taken her twitter account away until it blows over,,,but she will be back to her old tricks in no time.

  2. BB says:

    My sentiments exactly and couldn’t agree more, but Brandi and Carlton aren’t the only ones who owe Joyce (among other whole groups) an apology. Brandi’s crimes were just the worst of the four. I’d like to mention Yolanda and Lisa along with those who left their good manners at home.

    • BB, I took on the two I found most egregious from last night and they just wore me out. I don’t think Yolanda or Lisa deserve a pass, either.

    • cusi77 says:

      True BB! Yolanda “miss good manners while hosting” had a heavy hand and Lisa was enjoying Brandi’s lack of filter when she said “Joyce is the name of a fat pig”…Shaking my head…

  3. Pingback: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Do Grown Women Really Act Like This? | Lynn's Place

  4. Kaereste says:

    BH – Another season of skeletal unemployed women (Taylor/ Brandi) whose entire caloric intake originates in a wine bottle. I don’t have the impression either woman has much time at the library with their kids.

    I wonder how much time Brandi spent shopping for that bikini? She probably couldn’t wait to wear it on tv.

    • Hey K, Brandi and that bikini – if she wanted to go for shock value, then the lack of material took care of that. I really want to give her a time out to think about the things she says and does.

  5. cusi77 says:

    Thank you Empresssssssss! I was so upset with the Image of Our Lady Of Guadalupe in Brandi’s bikini! Thank you for putting it in the right words… That image is a Miracle!!!

    I don’t think that she even know how far she went this time! She is so ignorant! She must have thought “let’s shock with the image of The Mother of Jesus” … I “believe” (not sure) Our Lady of Guadalupe image was as well in her butt… I was so disgusted to watch it again…

    It feels so good to read your Blog… Thank you!

    • Cusi, some things are off-limits and Brandi doesn’t understand boundaries or just doesn’t care. I, for one, am growing tired of her “cute” act.
      If there was another image on her scrawny backside, I’m glad I didn’t see it.
      And you’re very welcome. 🙂

    • MelTheHound says:

      Interestingly enough:

      Official Catholic accounts state that on the morning of December 9, 1531 Juan Diego saw an apparition of a young girl at the Hill of Tepeyac, near Mexico City. (yesterday’s Air Date)


      • Oh my, that really is ironic. Thanks for the info and the link.

        • cusi77 says:

          Yes. The day Her image appeared on Juan Diego’s front “manto” was December 12, 1531. They have done everything to discount as a miracle and after almost 500 years the technology just demonstrates that just the “fabric” should not exist for the kind of material… There are many interesting books from people who converted while trying to find the trick.

  6. Wonderfully put! Carlton pitched a fit & was incredibly offended when Kyle asked her about religion, but she laughs along as Brandi mocks another religion. Such a double standard!

  7. plainviewsue says:

    As always, so well written. This episode made me squirm with uncomfortableness. Brandi thinks we the viewers love her inappropriate behavior. In the beginning, she was applauded for being uncensored, and I was one of the ones who did the applauding. Last season, I didn’t approve of all she did, but I felt if Lisa saw the good in her, she was okay.

    How interesting that now Brandi is close with Kyle and Kim.

    I miss the early seasons of this show. I hate this.

    • sue, Thank you for your nice words. I was a fan of Brandi’s and Lisa’s – and I liked their friendship – last season, and I was willing to give Yolanda a little leeway because of her illness. Now, I don’t like any of them.
      Kim and Kyle aren’t any better than before and Brandi becoming friendly with them is nothing more than jumping ship to whichever side she believes will tolerate and enable her. She must be a lousy friend – her drinking, tweeting and foul mouth won’t allow her to be discrete or loyal. No secret or confidence is safe with her.
      I miss the early seasons, too. This isn’t a whole lot of fun anymore.

  8. not THAT Jill says:

    Outstanding blog Empress!!

  9. Brandi was hitting rock bottom when these episodes were filmed. She definitely doesn’t like her words or behavior, is trying to own it and be responsible for the hurt she caused and is apologizing for it now. She is definitely still hurting and prone to lash out at haters but she seems to be working back to a place where she will love herself again and have her priorities in order. Unlike Kim who when asked by Andy if being on the show helped her find her sobriety. She rambled on about her “fans” coming up to her and telling her what a great role model she is for them….
    Sadly, we are all judgmental to varying degrees -with or without factual backup and with or without knowing what is in anyone’s heart or their true intent in the situation.
    I am offended by the wearing of blinged out, gaudy crosses and clothes with religious references. Brandi’s bikini was an example of the commercialization of religion as a fashion statement. And I think Brandi realized her suit was inappropriate.
    What bothers me more was the oneupsmanship religion bashing that happened while Carlton was trying to explain her wiccan beliefs. So my God can kick your God’s butt – so much for religious tolerance. Carlton decorates her home with crosses, not crucifixes, and has an impressive collection of both French and English Gothic crosses to compliment her gothic inspired decorating theme.
    I was taught that you did not discuss politics, religion, sex or personal finances in polite conversation. I was taught that a good hostess takes care of all her guests to insure a pleasant time was enjoyed by all who were invited. These are part of what I was taught are good manners.
    Joyce doesn’t understand the reaction she is receiving from her cast mates. Well calling someone a liar when what may just be a misinterpretation of a friendly phone call to the new girl so she can better understand Lisa wasn’t cool. Using what was/is the nightmare of many African American women regarding the hassle of trying to style their hair after getting it wet as something racist wasn’t cool – because it was a hair thing! Interrupting a private conversation about an incident she wasn’t present at and being told to butt out wasn’t rude. Butting in when not asked for an opinion or for advice or to defend someone who hasn’t asked to be defended wasn’t cool. The rest of the cast is very aware that Joyce has been given a RHBH history lesson through the Kyle filter. Kyle that has had a problem with every one of her cast mates, including her sister! So for the other women to be cautious of Joyce and taking their time to see who she really is just common sense.
    Making fun of Yolanda because she had to iron sheets reminds me of my summers spent on my Grandparent’s farm. Yup, my Grandmother made me iron sheets and my Grandfather’s underwear, tee shirts and handkerchiefs….until I starched his underwear. So she then found different chores for her city raised Grandchild – because chores are important. I also learned that you can not climb to the top of the chicken coop and toss eggs down into the basket like playing Bozo’s bucket game. So I get where Yolanda is coming from when she talks about how she was raised.
    These franchises are no longer entertaining and it is us, the viewers, that have taken the fun out of watching them. Thank you Empress for your ability to express yourself in a thought provoking manner and for holding out hope that there will be snarking in the future!

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