Now that wasn’t so bad, was it? The Housewives were doing normal housewives things with their families, except for Carlton.
She took her cat, who had fallen off a balcony, to a witch doctor who turned the poor feline into a voodoo doll and started sticking pins into it. Midnight the cat didn’t enjoy getting stuck and made plans for later that evening to accidentally knock over some of the witches balls out in Carlton’s garden and put his own spell on his mistress.
Brandi was cleaning up after her dogs who never see the light of day and have to resort to doing their business in the house. Relying on tips she took from Kim, she scolded the first dog see saw for making the mess, whether it was guilty or not. When she tried to sweet talk the confused pooch and apologize for yelling at it, the dog turned and walked away, then headed straight for the phone to call the attorneys at the ASPCA.
Kyle has another tactic for dealing with her dog’s waste removal. She’s posted a schedule for each of her daughters, on sticky notes, designating which day of the week they’re in charge of poop patrol. It didn’t sound like any of them follow the schedule or pay any attention to what Kyle wants. While Portia is propped up on the kitchen counter eating some chocolate delight, Mauricio enters stage right and, after kissing his wife and daughter, joins his wife in the bedroom in order to promulgate the rumors of his cheating. Ken and Lisa are also discussing the rumors, although, to his credit, Ken tries to shut his wife down and backs his friend, Mauricio. Ken doesn’t believe that Mauricio is cheating but Lisa insists that one never knows. I think I can put the whole cheating rumor thing to rest right here and now. My sources – that would be me and my dogs, who can sniff out a story like nobody’s business – have found that the person behind these horrendous tales is none other than Teresa Giudice. I really hope she stops before we see stories about Brandi and Melissa Gorga and a stripper pole.
I hope you’ll indulge me just a bit more with this “Mauricio is/isn’t a cheater” storyline. Aside from Lisa and the Umanskys themselves, no one else is really talking about it. Prior to this season, Kyle’s storyline was her sister Kim and her addiction problems. She really doesn’t have much going for her now it seems, other than the rumors she so adamantly renounces. Would it be so far-fetched to think that she is taking the same route as the Gorgas and keeping this nonsense alive for the sake of a storyline? It just seems to me that the tabloid talk has become as important to all of the franchises as the Housewives themselves. Watching a couple talk about rumors that they claim to hate and repeatedly deny are the kinds of things that make me go hmm. There may be smoke, but that doesn’t always mean there’s fire, just someone blowing a lot of hot air around.
In order to give Joyce some air time, Kyle and she went to Kyle’s skin care lady, who put medieval masks on them, hooked them to electrodes and tried to force them to be ladylike. It won’t work. Instead, Joyce announced that the girls should go on a trip to Palm Springs because viewers haven’t had enough of those forced Bravo arranged getaways. You just know that Kyle will start crying about something, then do some splits.
Kim’s daughter, Kimberly, is getting ready for her high school graduation and Kim is happy to see her daughters get the education she never did. The same thing goes for Kyle, which is fairly obvious but Kyle wishes her daughters would stay home forever. Kim and Kyle’s sister, Kathy Hilton, has found the time she didn’t have for Kyle’s daughter’s graduation, to make it to Kimberly’s. She brings an arrangement of flowers and a list of criticisms over what Kim is wearing. First she tells her to change her dress and, after Kim complies, Kathy asks her sister if she is really wearing “those” shoes. Kathy must be really smarting since Kris Jenner took over her title as
pimp worst mother of the year.
Yolanda’s Mom and brother flew from their home in The Netherlands in order to attend the ceremony as David Foster received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
There were some very sweet moments between the Housewife and her family, and then, as her husband’s star took its place next to Buddy Holly’s. Other musical legends were there in his honor, including Natalie Cole, Carole Bayer Sager and Stevie Wonder. Brandi, in her talking head, waved hello at Stevie Wonder. She then proceeded to get drunk and send out angry tweets, calling him a hater and threatening to block him because he didn’t wave back.
Brandi went shopping for bikinis with Lisa, so that viewers could see her nearly naked again. It also gave her the opportunity to tell Lisa that she had a make out session with Carlton. Oh dear, I take it all back. There’s nothing normal going on here, at all. I’m beginning to understand why Dr. Phil was at David Foster’s event.
I was wondering about a couple of things, like the talking heads, and the number of scenes featuring dogs. Does anyone know where Kingsley was? Kyle was wearing a choke collar with a huge crystal amulet hanging from it in her talking heads. That means one of two things. Either Kingsley has run away from home, leaving all vestiges of his life with Kim behind him, or Kyle is borrowing jewelry from Countess LuAnn.