We got to see inside the gothic style castle that belongs to Carlton and how she is with her husband and children,
Wynken, Blynken and Nod, Glinda, BroomHilda and Dumbledore Destiny, Mysteri and Cross. First we’re treated to the kids’ workout routine which was important in order to show that one of their Dad’s businesses is in sports management. Then the girls are helping with dinner but Carlton doesn’t like the way they chop celery. She curses at them – she curses almost as much as Brandi – and then says that her daughter only said “Fuck” once, when she was three. I say that a ten or eleven year old shouldn’t be wielding a knife bigger than her arm to begin with and, if I were Carlton, I’d take that thing away and stop criticizing her every move with that potty mouth of yours before you have even bigger problems. Bravo isn’t showing Carlton in a good light at all. She attends a luncheon at Kyle’s – possibly in the hopes of creating a coven – where she’s joined by the other newbie, Joyce, and a friend of Kyle’s who isn’t Faye, Sharon. Carlton is offended when Kyle interrupts her story about a black cat killing a bird by going to get some wine. Then she almost overturns the table when Sharon smooshes a bee. A lot of things seem to annoy her.
Yolanda is having a port removed that delivered antibiotics as part of her treatment for Lyme Disease. Her husband, David Foster, is right by her side, reminding us all of the parts of the wedding vows where we promise to stay together for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I bet he can recite them in his sleep, he’s said them so often. She’s concerned because her illness has taken a part of her confidence and strength from her, and she still has a long road ahead of her before she can consider herself fully recovered. My heart really goes out to her because Lyme Disease is a terrible illness that can mean years of treatment, with awful symptoms, and many who have had it never fully rebound. When she comes out of anesthesia, her daughter Gigi calls and says that she’s feeling weak from eating a half of an almond. That confused me. Did she mean that the almond didn’t agree with her or she’s weak because that’s her entire food intake for the day? After Yolanda is discharged, she, along with Brandi, go to Lisa’s for lunch. Brandi has a gift for Lisa – a bottle of tequila from George Clooney’s and Randy Gerber’s label, Casamigos. I don’t normally care for tequila but I’m always open to change. The ladies take this opportunity to gossip about Kyle and ponder the great issues of the day, like whether the only way to be Kyle’s friend is to have a house on the market. They make a comment about Carlton’s sense of humor but I didn’t understand that either because I’ve yet to see it.
Speaking of houses, we met Brandi’s Mom, who dropped by to help her daughter move into her new digs. They shared a bottle of wine, after Brandi showed her the perfect closet to put her stripper pole in. Then they talked about Brandi’s Dad who is angry with her for showing a lot of implanted boobage in her Oscar dress and isn’t talking to her at the moment. Some of the pictures of her drunken nights and poor fashion choices from last Summer aren’t going to do much to repair their relationship, I imagine. Brandi shows her Mom a book of poetry she’s been working on. After reading a couple of her verses, Mom teases her that Byron, Keats and Shelley have nothing to worry about. Brandi just looks at her like a deer in the headlights, clueless as to who they are. Hey Brandi! You’re a poet, you should know it.
Kim has hired a dog trainer to help her with Kingsley. The trainer is familiar with pit bulls and has brought his own along for the session. When Kim finally lets the guy in, without his dog at first, Kingsley becomes aggressive. This is where I defend the trainer and wait for the angry responses. Kingsley has had no training – none. That’s apparent and it’s all Kim’s fault. Any dog that hasn’t learned about boundaries and respect while still a puppy is going to resort to being just a dog, in its most natural state. I doubt that Kim even bothered to see what kind of puppy Kingsley was when she chose him at the shelter. It’s not all that hard. You pick them up, then, while holding them, flip them onto their backs and see if they’ll give you their bellies – a sign that they’re willing to be submissive to you. You toss strange things around them and watch to see if they cower or become territorial with the item. Then you hold their feet and tails and ears and noses, to make sure that they’re comfortable with humans touching them. Do those, and a few other tricks, and you’ll know if you have a dog you can work and live with.
I watched the scene between the trainer and Kingsley about a half-dozen times. At first I thought he’d kicked and hit him, but then I saw that wasn’t the case at all. He did what he said he did. The trainer gave Kingsley a quick and necessary dose of reality by going after him in a way that was supposed to back him off without resorting to hurting him. It’s a damn shame that Kim let it come to this and I doubt that she has the wherewithal to continue the training. If she fails this dog a second time, it’ll be a crime because she may very well have made him unadoptable if she chooses to give up on him. She’s an irresponsible owner and has no right to do this to Kingsley or any other dog. Loving him is not enough – do right by him or give him up. Now I’ll get off my soapbox. Thank you for listening, though.
The episode ended with Kyle and Kim at Kyle’s house watching Lisa on Dancing With The Stars. As they watch, Lisa is rehearsing with her partner, Gleb. They do a few steps, Lisa appears to go a little glassy-eyed and falls to the floor. Kim and Kyle don their “I’m shocked. What the hell just happened?” faces and rewind to see it in slow motion. They determine that Lisa fake-fainted as a way to get off the show. They even do their own giggly recreation just to drive home their point. I don’t know if she fainted or got light-headed or just decided to drop her butt onto the floor for a second, but the Richards sisters have already drawn their own conclusions, without any further evidence and I’m certain they’re more than willing to tell anyone who will listen.
There was one nice moment during this whole thing when the ladies, including Taylor, came to see Lisa dance during a live taping. Afterwards, they went out to dinner, and laughed and joked and just had fun without any of the usual nonsense Bravo likes to air. It was just a few minutes but it was really pleasant for a change.
For all of you daytime soap fans: Kyle will be on Days of Our Lives for two episodes this week. She also said in an interview that some of the regulars from Days of Our Lives will be making crossover appearances on the Real Housewives.