The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Faint Chance

We got to see inside the gothic style castle that belongs to Carlton and how she is with her husband and children,Wynken, Blynken and Nod, Glinda, BroomHilda and Dumbledore Destiny, Mysteri and Cross.  First we’re treated to the kids’ workout routine which was important in order to show that one of their Dad’s businesses is in sports management.   Then the girls are helping with dinner but Carlton doesn’t like the way they chop celery.  She curses at them – she curses almost as much as Brandi – and then says that her daughter only said “Fuck” once, when she was three.  I say that a ten or eleven year old shouldn’t be wielding a knife bigger than her arm to begin with and, if I were Carlton, I’d take that thing away and stop criticizing her every move with that potty mouth of yours before you have even bigger problems.   Bravo isn’t showing Carlton in a good light at all.  She attends a luncheon at Kyle’s – possibly in the hopes of creating a coven – where she’s joined by the other newbie, Joyce, and a friend of Kyle’s who isn’t Faye, Sharon.  Carlton is offended when Kyle interrupts her story about a black cat killing a bird by going to get some wine.   Then she almost overturns the table when Sharon smooshes a bee.  A lot of things seem to annoy her.

Yolanda is having a port removed that delivered antibiotics as part of her treatment for Lyme Disease.  Her husband, David Foster, is right by her side, reminding us all of the parts of the wedding vows where we promise to stay together for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  I bet he can recite them in his sleep, he’s said them so often.  She’s concerned because her illness has taken a part of her confidence and strength from her, and she still has a long road ahead of her before she can consider herself fully recovered.   My heart really goes out to her because Lyme Disease is a terrible illness that can mean years of treatment, with awful symptoms, and many who have had it never fully rebound.  When she comes out of anesthesia, her daughter Gigi calls and says that she’s feeling weak from eating a half of an almond.   That confused me.  Did she mean that the almond didn’t agree with her or she’s weak because that’s her entire food intake for the day?  After Yolanda is discharged, she, along with Brandi, go to Lisa’s for lunch.  Brandi has a gift for Lisa – a bottle of tequila from George Clooney’s and Randy Gerber’s label, Casamigos.   I don’t normally care for tequila but I’m always open to change.   The ladies take this opportunity to gossip about Kyle and ponder the great issues of the day, like whether the only way to be Kyle’s friend is to have a house on the market.    They make a comment about Carlton’s sense of humor but I didn’t understand that either because I’ve yet to see it.

Speaking of houses, we met Brandi’s Mom, who dropped by to help her daughter move into her new digs.    They shared a bottle of wine, after Brandi showed her the perfect closet to put her stripper pole in.  Then they talked about Brandi’s Dad who is angry with her for showing a lot of implanted boobage in her Oscar dress and isn’t talking to her at the moment.   Some of the pictures of her drunken nights and poor fashion choices from last Summer aren’t going to do much to repair their relationship, I imagine.   Brandi shows her Mom a book of poetry she’s been working on.  After reading a couple of her verses, Mom teases her that Byron, Keats and Shelley have nothing to worry about.  Brandi just looks at her like a deer in the headlights, clueless as to who they are.  Hey Brandi!  You’re a poet, you should know it.

Kim has hired a dog trainer to help her with Kingsley.  The trainer is familiar with pit bulls and has brought his own along for the session.  When Kim finally lets the guy in, without his dog at first, Kingsley becomes aggressive.   This is where I defend the trainer and wait for the angry responses.  Kingsley has had no training – none.  That’s apparent and it’s all Kim’s fault.  Any dog that hasn’t learned about boundaries and respect while still a puppy is going to resort to being just a dog, in its most natural state.  I doubt that Kim even bothered to see what kind of puppy Kingsley was when she chose him at the shelter.  It’s not all that hard.   You pick them up, then, while holding them,  flip them onto their backs and see if they’ll give you their bellies – a sign that they’re willing to be submissive to you.  You toss strange things around them and watch to see if they cower or become territorial with the item.  Then you hold their feet and tails and ears and noses, to make sure that they’re comfortable with humans touching them.  Do those, and a few other tricks, and you’ll know if you have a dog you can work and live with.

I watched the scene between the trainer and Kingsley about a half-dozen times.  At first I thought he’d kicked and hit him, but then I saw that wasn’t the case at all.  He did what he said he did.  The trainer gave Kingsley a quick and necessary dose of reality by going after him in a way that was supposed to back him off without resorting to hurting him.   It’s a damn shame that Kim let it come to this and I doubt that she has the wherewithal to continue the training.   If she fails this dog a second time, it’ll be a crime because she  may very well have made him unadoptable if she chooses to give up on him.   She’s an irresponsible owner and has no right to do this to Kingsley or any other dog.  Loving him is not enough – do right by him or give him up.   Now I’ll get off my soapbox.  Thank you for listening, though.

The episode ended with Kyle and Kim at Kyle’s house watching Lisa on Dancing With The Stars.  As they watch, Lisa is rehearsing with her partner, Gleb.  They do a few steps, Lisa appears to go a little glassy-eyed and falls to the floor.  Kim and Kyle don their “I’m shocked.  What the hell just happened?” faces and rewind to see it in slow motion.  They determine that Lisa fake-fainted as a way to get off the show.   They even do their own giggly recreation just to drive home their point.  I don’t know if she fainted or got light-headed or just decided to drop her butt onto the floor for a second, but the Richards sisters have already drawn their own conclusions, without any further evidence and I’m certain they’re more than willing to tell anyone who will listen.

There was one nice moment during this whole thing when the ladies, including Taylor, came to see Lisa dance during a live taping.  Afterwards, they went out to dinner, and laughed and joked and just had fun without any of the usual nonsense Bravo likes to air.  It was just a few minutes but it was really pleasant for a change.

For all of you daytime soap fans:  Kyle will be on Days of Our Lives for two episodes this week.  She also said in an interview that some of the regulars from Days of Our Lives will be making crossover appearances on the Real Housewives.


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28 Responses to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Faint Chance

  1. I’d love to know what your dog training credentials are because based on your comments you are off your gourd about that trainer. What he did was in no way “ok”. It was typical dominance training that does nothing but encourage a dog to be aggressive. I own a pit bull. I train pit bulls, and while I don’t suggest the “only positive training techniques work” bs, I also don’t subscribe to dominance training that does nothing but set a dog up to fail. So sad for that dog.

    • My husband and I have trained dozens of dogs, including police dogs. What you saw was one moment in time and was meant only to resolve an issue that had presented itself. We have no way of knowing how much time the trainer spent with Kingsley and what type of training he offered Kim for the future. Off my gourd? I don’t think so.

      • Wait, are you saying that scene may have been edited??? Rut Roh 😉

        • I know, right? Who wudda thunk it? 😉

          • I was scared for the guy, cuz that dog has not been taught discipline….poor thing. And Kim does not have the personality to be strong and follow thru, IPPHO.

            • Kim should stick with her stuffed, eyeless gorilla.

              • Yeah, that dog is a very powerful dog and a stuff animal is more her speed. I had to give away one of my Weimaraners, even the professional trainer that I worked with said that it was not okay for me to keep with my kids, they were babies… 😦 He was placed with a someone who lived alone and was a pro. He attacked 3 different people, protecting us, but still not ok….. I knew he did not respect me, I could see it in his eyes, he was defiant. And I was not going to have 100 lb dog make my life miserable. It was sad but the new owner was thrilled…almost as much as I was to say “Bye, bye”

                • Some dogs just aren’t a good fit. I’m glad you made the right decision for yours. In the right house and with the right people – not Kim – Kingsley should be okay. Pit bulls get a bad rap, but, like most things, that’s more about the human than the breed.
                  Weimaraners, huh… nice. 🙂

                  • My hubby’s mom use to breed them. Our first one was the best dog ever. But he died young of renal failure. I still miss that dog. 😦 The kids in the neighborhood would knock on the door and ask “Can Smokey come out and play?” 🙂

              • Boobah says:

                ….or her poopy pillow

      • disgrazia4 says:

        I’m with you Empress. The end result is that Kingsley calmed down after that moment of aggression. I knew we were in for this when I saw a preview photo of Kim seated on one of her chairs and the wooden arm looked chewed up!! I was hopeful that calmly assertive and quite handsome Cesar Milan would show up. Alas…another tiny dream dashed… 😀

        • Thanks disgrazia, Short of hitting Kingsley with a 2×4, I don’t what else the trainer could have done. Bravo made sure, with their infamous editing, that the scene looked much worse than it actually was. BTW, ITA about Cesar. 😉

  2. The “Dog Trainer” and I use that term loosely, went to The Used Car Salesman School of Dog Training where they teach you to kick the dog in the tires……It was hard to watch, that guy is lucky to still have his balls!! I love dogs and often tell strays to “Go Home”…….
    Dogs know that “I am the Alpha Now!!” <==== Teen Wolf quote, lol!!

  3. Kaereste says:

    Thanks for blog E!

  4. Donna says:

    I didn’t see the episode, thanks for the tips. I raised a feral cat and had to let him know who was boss, he tried to out stare me.

    I had a German Shepherd (from Germany). He was well behaved. The neighbor’s son used to throw rocks, dirt balls, fire crackers at him and he became nervous, of course their precious son would never do that. While I was out walking Major Teenager (my sons named him) with a leash close to my side, their precious son tried to approach me. Major started to lunge at him, because I had trained him, I only had to give a gentle jerk on the leash and he stopped and sat as ordered.

    I gave him to my mother-in-law for protection from her husband. He was a woman’s dog. They lived in a small town and had 2 acres of property that they fenced in for him to run around. They loved him so much that they had him buried at a pet cemetery with a headstone.

    • Hey Donna, I can just picture you and your cat having a staring contest.
      I love Shepherds. We owned two of them and they’re such bright, loyal and all around good dogs.

    • MelTheHound says:

      Somebody should have kicked the living shit out of that precious kid. I’ll never understand why people think their kids are so special. I guess if I ever had one, I would get it…. Nah, I would have kicked the shit out of him.

  5. MelTheHound says:

    Thanks for the writeup Empress.. I don’t doubt for one second that you know your way around a dog and what not to do. Kingsley Could be a good dog for Kim if she could get him in line..

    • “Kingsley Could be a good dog for Kim if she could get him in line..” I’m not holding out much hope for Kim being the kind of owner Kingsley needs.

      • MelTheHound says:

        It really doesn’t take much but I don’t think she has it in her.. Once he understands who the real boss is, the rest is easy (relatively speaking)..

  6. Stacey says:

    Great recap Empress. I am impressed with your concise checklist for finding and training a dog. What do the people here complaining about the trainer think he should have done, ran away? Kim is way out of her depth, I fear for that precious dog’s future.

    • Hey Stacey, Those were just some of the tips for reading a dog’s demeanor and personality that were passed on to us by a trainer we knew years ago. It’s worked pretty well for us with each dog we’ve welcomed into our family ever since.
      Glad you enjoyed the post and let’s hope that Kim, her son or somebody else commits themselves to giving Kingsley a set of guidelines to live by so that he can be a good, happy dog, too.

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