Before I get into any updates on the Kody Brown family, I have to let you all in on another piece of the puzzle that was supposed to be their family tree. You know, the one I gave up on because it had crazy branches and an infinitely tangled root system. So, this is what I’ve learned this week – Janelle, Kody’s second wife, was married to Meri’s brother before she divorced him and married Kody. Got it? No? Me either. Mothers in law become sister/step-mothers and sisters in law become sister wives. The polygamy dating pool has to be pretty shallow.
There isn’t enough going on during individual episodes to write a weekly post – some of them are like watching paint dry – so it just makes more sense to play a little catch up from time to time. Everybody’s moved into their respective McMansions which should have cheered up Meri cranky pants, but, as I’ll get to in a bit, only causes her to come up with some other drama. Kody gathers the family together for Sunday services, where he tries to offer up some spiritual guidance and manages to put the kids to sleep. Robyn wants to tell them a story about her life and the poor choices she’s made. I think Robyn likes the attention and, watching her as she told her cautionary tale, I’m not convinced that I’m entirely wrong.
Robyn stands in front of the entire group and tearfully tells them how her physical urges led her down the path of ruin. She questioned her faith and gave herself to a man she didn’t love. It should be noted that while she’s speaking, she has a silver locket which is supposed to represent her broken heart and damaged purity. She holds the locket in her hands, to show how precious her “purity” is/was, then throws it on the floor, apparently to demonstrate the way in which her ex-husband used her and threw her away. The message was good – the delivery, complete with her quivering voice and sad face, was kind of funny. A couple of the older girls were on board, but the teenage boys, particularly Hunter, seemed to ascribe to something a little less strict. The boys are willing to bend the family’s wishes that they abstain until marriage, voicing their own opinion that if you love someone, waiting until you’re married isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be nor will it result in eternal damnation.
Some other stuff has happened in the past couple of weeks, but it barely deserves a mention. Janelle is still fighting her weight problem and, at the urging of her fitness trainer, has beat the crap out of her scale with a sledge hammer. She’s going to work with a nutritionist, eat more healthy foods and rely on the tape measure instead of the numbers on the scale. The family also put a time capsule together and dumped some of their personal belongings into it, believing that, when they open it again in five years, they’re going to experience some sort of trash to treasure moment.
Last week’s episode involved a q&a session with a few softballs questions thrown their way. The only thing that left any impression on me was that Kody thought the idea of any of his wives having an affair or multiple husbands was a vulgarity. Any affair is out of the question but the second part was what really stood out. Watching the tape from that conversation, Kody realized that he sounded like a jerk and apologized.
Now we’re up to this week’s episode and Kody wants to design pieces of jewelry, specifically suited for each of his wives. I’m telling you, this guy is the bull in the china shop. He’s working with a couple of jewelry experts, Gina and Mike, who listen, somewhat bemused, as he pitches his ideas. Robyn is the first consideration and Kody, working off her name, does this free association thing – Robyn = bird = Phoenix – yep, that’s it. Robyn’s piece is going to be the Phoenix rising from the ashes of her past. She lost her purity but got it back. It’s a miracle. Next up for discussion is Meri, who Kody describes her as loyal, like a dog. Gina, Mike and I look at Kody as if he’s nuts. None of us thought that Meri would like to be seen as a furry, four-legged pet. Instead, they come up with a design that forms a heart, a crown and the word “fidelis”. A little better, I guess. They move on to Janelle and Kody says that she’s like the earth so he wants to design a tree for her – it’s grounded and immovable and I’m sure she’ll love it – mmmhmmm. Last, but not least, is Christine. She’s air and wind. The winds of love . Ethereal. She’s getting something windy and blowy. Mike and Gina have figured out that Kody’s four wives make the perfect one wife for him. Stop laughing. Now.
The Silverton Casino wants to put some of the Brown’s jewelry in the gift shop, which is called “Guilt”, by the way. Kody and the wives are a little concerned about selling their pieces in a casino because their religion doesn’t condone gambling. They stop by the place, to take a look, meet with the gift shop’s manager and mull over whether it’s all worthy of their cheaper line of jewelry. They walk into the lobby and are immediately enthralled by some women in a giant fish tank, swimming around, dressed like mermaids. They then debate whether mermaid garb is more or less offensive than the outfits worn by cocktail waitresses. I’m debating why they’re debating. Cocktail waitresses are wearing what they’re told to wear – and they’re working hard for the money. Brown family – stop judging.
They meet the manager of the gift shop and Mike and Gina are there, as well, to guide everyone through the process. Gina offers her defense of polygamy, especially in a place like Vegas, where just about everything goes. Lisa, the manager, has Kody try on an apron. Kody, in that Foghorn Leghorn way he has, states that he’s masculine enough to wear an apron. This is where you can resume laughing. Christine pipes in, to bolster his already out of control ego and says that the apron was lucky to be on Kody. Okay.
It’s time for the “big talk” between Kody and Meri. For a while now, we’ve witnessed her angst over whether to have another baby or not. Her only child, Mariah, is about to go off to college and she’s feeling some of that empty-nester syndrome. She and Kody go to Red Rock to make their decision, well, to hear Kody’s decision. Meri, who’s definitely leaning towards the idea of having a baby, didn’t get the answer she was hoping for. Kody laid out his objections, and, I have to say, the guy made a lot of sense. The fact that it hasn’t happened, that they’re still arguing over it, and that if just didn’t give him any gut feelings in favor of it, made him realize that it shouldn’t be. She’s frustrated by his response – devastated, as she puts it – but understands, to some extent, that “no” is going to mean “no”. They go back home and Meri has a talk with Robyn about what happened. Robyn had offered to be a surrogate if Meri and Kody chose to have another child, but Meri explains that, although, she appreciates the offer, it probably isn’t going to happen. Finally, in her talking head, Meri admits that part of her reason for having a baby was that she was afraid of facing the empty nest alone. She’d be the only wife without a child at home and thought that she’d be losing her place in the family. Given that moment of honesty, they made the right decision, and we won’t hear about it again. Now, if Kody would just give up on that mission statement…