Five episodes into this season and I’m more confused about the Browns than I was before.   In my last Sister Wives’ post I said that I was working on a family tree.  Well, forget about it.  My “aha moment” came last night when Kody explained that his father is married to Janelle’s mother, which makes his mother in law his sister mom, as well.   I’d be happy to take any suggestions as to how you’re supposed to draw that tree.

Going back a couple of episodes, the Browns toured colleges for Mariah and Aspyn – Mykelti’s been granted an early admission at a local college, already.   Aspyn is interested in attending UNLV and Mariah would like to go to Westminster College in Levi, Utah, very near their last family home.   Just to add the my growing list of questions, we find out that they family never soled their house in Utah and Mariah would love to live there while she’s in school.  Does anyone out there know why they didn’t sell the house?  It seems to me that the money from that could have gone to any number of debts this family has.  Anyway, Kody, Meri and Mariah have a meeting with the Director of Admission for Westminster and the first thing Kody wants to know is whether the school has a problem with their being Fundamentalist Mormons.  He explains to her that they’ve been persecuted over and over for their beliefs and doesn’t want any problems for Mariah, especially from the other students.   So this raises another couple of questions.  Why did he even bring it up?   Are colleges really discriminating based on religious beliefs these days?  That hasn’t been my experience.  In fact, it seems that most colleges and universities go out of their way to be inclusive.  Maybe Kody just likes to spread the word and get a little attention in the process.

The other problem facing the Browns and their college-bound children is the cost of tuition, books and the sundries that come with an education.  Kody repeated, over and over, that these kids had better find some scholarships because there was nothing in the family budget to cover the costs.  I can understand that given the fact that it takes about $240,000 to raise a child from birth to the age of 18.  Multiply that by 17 kids and you’re talking some serious money.

The Kody Brown family is finally closing on their four mcmansions on the cul-de-sac and there’s plenty of angst to be had.    Their goal was to be in all four houses in time for Christmas.  They’ve been living apart, around Las Vegas, for over two years and the family dynamic has suffered for it.  The first wife to get word that her house is ready is Janelle, quickly followed by Christine.   That made sense because they were the ones who had filled out all of the financials well in advance.  The next one to close is Robyn, who had a little more trouble due to her credit issues.  That leaves Meri and Kody’s place, the only house that will be in both names.  Meri and Kody, admittedly, dragged  their feet getting their paper work ready and now they’re whining about how long it’s taking to get their keys  Even whinier is Meri’s daughter, Mariah.  She’s watching everyone else move in and all she can do is sit in the car and stare at a house they don’t own yet.  Kody thinks that Mariah’s just reacting to Meri’s obvious disappointment – okay, tantrums – and he could very well be right.

The family decides that they should postpone their Christmas celebration until January 2nd, in the hopes that Meri and Kody will close between the holidays.  In their talking heads, Kody jokes about the cul-de-sac and that it’s part of a gated community.  He says that it looks like a polygamist compound.  That doesn’t go over so well with his wives who jump all over him for using the word “compound” – it sound too much like the infamous FDLS compound and will make people think about Warren Jeffs.  I don’t see any resemblance between the Brown family and the type of criminal behaviors of Warren Jeffs.  Jeffs forcibly married very young girls, and had children with them – something which the rest of us  and the legal system viewed as rape.  The sister wives are grown women who chose their lifestyle.

The January 2nd, Christmas celebration arrives with no word about Meri’s house.  The kids open presents and Robyn gives Kody a “big” present – she’s had her name legally changed to Brown.  The kids open their presents and the wives begin making caramels for Kody, according to his mother’s recipe.  Meri and Robyn aren’t in the mood to make candy so they go to a local store and buy up every caramel in the place.  Kody holds a taste-off and notices that their candies are a little different.  Christine wins the competition and Meri and Robyn finally confess to their prank.  The whole family gathers, at the end of a long day, to work on their mission statement.   Everyone’s exhausted and losing interest, so Kody declares that their goal is to get to Heaven – amen.

The nest day Meri gets the call that her house has closed and she and Kody get the keys.  The first thing they do is drive over to Mariah’s job and hand her a key.   All of the others begin moving Meri’s belongings in and she and Mariah get to spend their first night in their new home.   For some reason “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is playing as background music for the final scene.  Really?  For what it’s worth, I found it a little heavy-handed and overly dramatic.  The lyrics are beautiful and moving, but I don’t think they apply to the Browns, no matter what Kody thinks of himself and the family’s situation.

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Just one or two more questions for you folks.  Why are all of the houses so huge?  Not every wife has the same number of children.  In fact, Meri only has Mariah and she’s going away to school.  And the other thing is, why does Meri need a wet bar?   Oh my, the things that make you go “hmmm.”

You can tour all of their houses at TLC.com.

Please don’t tell Oprah that I borrowed that picture from her website.

Empress