It was torture waiting for this season finale. I don’t know about you, but waiting to find out what had happened to Ashlee at the vineyard and what could possibly have landed her in the hospital was almost more than I could bear.
A very distraught Chanel has enlisted the help of the owners of the winery, while Amanda, Erica and Joey stuck to their original plans to enjoy the rest of the day on Erica’s Dad’s boat. Nice boat by the way – tuna tower and all. Ashlee seems to have vanished. First she was there, then “Poof” she was gone. I feared that a hawk had swooped down, mistaking her for prey and carried her off to some nest. Did she fall off of her platform shoes and break her leg? Nope. Amanda gets a text from a sobbing Chanel that Ashlee has been taken to the hospital. The Whites had called Chanel to tell her where Ashlee went, but they were a little cagey about the details.
Just as the little darling had hoped, the girls on the boat are now wondering if what they said may have caused her to fall ill. Erica is the only one who isn’t feeling any guilt. In fact, her take on Ashlee’s predicament is that sometime bad things happen to people who do bad things and now God is punishing her. A little on the harsh side, but at least she isn’t buying into Ashlee’s over the top histrionics. So here’s what really happened, oh, and thanks Bravo for cuing the dramatic music. Ashlee had a panic attack and had to hitch hike to a small, local hospital. Hitch hike? What happened to the jet that her parents were ordering up for her? At the very least, she should have been airlifted to the hospital. Never, ever expect this 30 year old to take care of herself.
Before we get to the full-blown, ridiculous story that Ashlee tells about the way she was treated at the hands of the mean girls, we see Amanda and Casey meeting for lunch. Casey’s walking into the meeting with a ton of attitude, ready to fight to the death for Ashlee’s honor.
She then proceeds to give Amanda an earful, knowing only one side of the story – Ashlee’s. “If you were her friend and had any loyalty, you never would have left her alone. Ashlee is the most loyal, level-headed person I’ve ever known. She’s very, very normal. I don’t care about Erica’s Dad or the plans all of you had.” Casey is suffering from her own delusions – Ashlee’s normal and level headed? Amanda tries to explain the other side of this kerfuffle, but Casey’s on a roll and doesn’t want to hear it. Casey ends the conversation by telling Amanda how to be a loyal friend and who she should be friends with. In her talking head, Amanda wondered what color the sky is on Planet Ashlee.
Chanel drops by the White house to visit Ashlee. This gives Ashlee the opportunity to rant on and on about her ordeal. She tells Chanel that the doctors had to give her – brace yourselves – Benadryl. Wait a damn minute. She had a panic attack and they gave her an antihistamine. I give Benadryl to my dogs when they have hot spots. Chanel is falling for her antics, hook, line and sinker. In an effort to bring peace and harmony to the fractured group, Chanel suggests that they all gather at a nearby pond to have a Tashlich celebration, preceding Rosh Hashanah. It requires that everyone throw Challah into the water and, in some meaningful way, cast off the past and move on to the future by apologizing for any hurt you’ve caused and forgiving those who hurt you. Ashlee, ever the martyr, sees no reason to apologize for anything. She was wronged, The others were terrible to her. She says that she must Tashlich all the time because she’s just that kind of girl, always taking the high road and seeing the light at the end of dark tunnels. By the way, until Chanel explained it to her, Ashlee had no idea what Tashlich even was.
Stepping away from the Ashlee saga, Amanda and Jeff are boarding the Long Island Railroad for a trip to the city. They talk about how the train means so much to them because it’s where they first met. Jeff starts to get emotional and pulls a tiny box from his backpack. Amanda is falling out of her seat. This is the moment and she’s sure there’s and engagement ring in there. Jeff isn’t quite ready for that yet and the box contains a promise ring.
Amanda is crestfallen, telling us that Jewish people don’t give promise rings. Jeff, however, says that he wants to commit himself to Amanda, but wants to make sure that Mom Babs is one Board before he takes the next step. Amanda’ happy to hear that Jeff is respecting her mother’s wishes and accepts the ring, his explanation and says that she will commit her life to him as well. Then they started slobbering all over each other, with a lot of tongue action, grossing out most of the train passengers and TV viewers.
All of the girls are gathering at the pond to celebrate Tashlich. Casey’s still pissed and Ashlee’s full of righteous indignation. It doesn’t sound like a good start to tossing your troubles into the water. Chanel begins by sobbing her way through an emotional speech about how everyone should get along. Live and let live, kumbaya, I love you guys. Once she’s done, the others start to offer some words, hoping that everything will be okay and they can get this over with. Amanda is rambling on and crying about how she would never hurt Ashlee. Erica admits making mistakes and asks for Casey’s forgiveness. Casey forgives herself for being guarded and Joey hopes that Ashlee’s future is better, telling her that she never wanted anything bad for her.
That leaves Ashlee, who’s been standing there with a puss on her face, arms crossed and eyes rolling. This is how she addresses the group. “I reflect every night. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. I got a second chance after having a stroke. I lost my speech, I lost my balance and I had to spend 8 months in bed. My life is worthwhile and I’m having trouble with what all of you are saying. I could have been on a milk carton because you left me behind.” I’m going to interrupt her for one second. Just as Amanda tried to tell her, she’s a grown woman who chose to wander off into the mean streets of a beautiful and very safe vineyard during the day. I feel for her given her health issues, but lots of us know people who have had life threatening illnesses and would never dream of using them to excuse bad behavior or to garner sympathy and attention. Any danger that she thought she was in at that vineyard is on her and her very poor and very selfish decisions. Okay, I’m done. Ashlee finally uttered what could hardly be taken as an apology. Addressing Amanda, she said “I’m sorry you do things out of anger.”
That was good enough for Chanel, who asks everyone to throw their bread onto the water, close their eyes and hope for a better future. The ducks enjoyed the unexpected lunch.
This episode had barely ended when viewers took to Twitter to give Ashlee a piece of their minds. She fired right back, even trying to report some of the tweeps for abuse. As for her lack of any real apology and her failure to take any responsibility for the great divide she cause, Ashlee blamed editing. Welcome to Bravo, my dear.
Now I have to find a salon that offers take-out service.
I. AM. OUTTA. HERE.