Princesses: Long Island – Coco Loco

Before this week’s episode started, Bravo issued another statement expressing their regret over the now infamous photo shoot.   I won’t quote it, but they did put the following link on the screen –  – which offers visitors all sorts of information about 9/11, as well as a place to make donations.  Here’s hoping that Amanda, as well as Bravo click on that part of the website.  The other bit of news regarding the Princesses is that three of them, Ashlee, Casey and Erica, were scheduled to be on WWHL with Andy – at least that who was listed on my television guide channel.  Jeff Lewis was the guest instead.  Bravo made no explanation for the change but I think it would be relatively safe to assume that it probably happened due to last week’s episode.  The three girls who were supposed to be Andy’s guests had nothing to do with the footage which has rightfully received a lot of criticism, including from me, and calls for the show to be boycotted and/or removed from Bravo’s lineup.

This episode was about three things – Chanel’s mental breakdown, brought about by being single at the ripe old age of 27, the never-ending quest to find Mr. Right and Amanda’s drink rags.

Chanel is feeling so much pressure to get married.  Her younger sister, the other Ashley – this one is spelled with a “Y”-  had the unmitigated gall to become engaged and go shopping for wedding gowns.  The girls’ mother isn’t helping matters at all.  She tells everyone within earshot how she can’t wait for her OLDER daughter to get someone to put a ring on it.  Chanel’s sister either really hates her or has a very evil sense of humor, because she thinks it’s a good idea for her OLDER sister to try on a wedding gown too.

Chanel (Coco) Omari

The suffering this poor child is going through is almost too much to bear.  I had to turn away to snicker at times due to the pain in her eyes and the tearful crack in her voice.   I’ll get back to that in a couple of minutes.

Casey, Ashlee and Joey decide to find love by speed dating.  Ashlee has PTSD from her trip to Joey’s house in the ghetto and is still blaming her friend, ex-friend, whatever the hell she is now.  Joey isn’t taking the speed dating all that seriously and Casey and Ashlee have decided that she’s trying too hard to fit in and has no class.  Fit in with who and what kind of class are they talking about?   It’s a pot meet kettle thing, in my opinion.  Anyway, the dating goes as follows – sit down with some strange guy for 5 minutes, talk about nothing, wait for the whistle to blow and rotate.  Drink a lot, too.  Joey, not understanding how important this all is, starts asking her “dates” to show her pictures of their “packages”.  This only serves to further Ashlee’s claims that Joey is low-class and says that listening to her is like “wah, wah, wah.”  Frankly, if I’m not looking at the screen, they all sound like that.  The girls do get a couple of phone numbers, so their money was well spent.

Amanda is preparing for a huge party to promote her drink rags and meets with the owner of the Salon where the soiree will take place.  She’s chosen the Aura Salon because their clientele is perfect for her line of designer counter wipes – high-end, fabulous women.   Yes, I’ll have more about that later, too.   First, I have to tell you about the preparations for this shindig.  Of course, Amanda’s boyfriend, Jeff, is right in the middle of it all.  He’s even in her bedroom while she’s getting her hair done.  When she tells him that she’s going to get dressed, he says “I’m in the closet.  I’m in the closet.”   We kind of knew that already, but thanks for the clarification.

Ashlee has a dye with one of the guys from the speed dating event and before she can make it downstairs, Daddy Hal begins his interrogation.  Hal then tells the guy that he always goes on his daughter’s first dates.  “I’m kidding” he says, but he had me worried for a second.   Ashlee isn’t impressed with her date and, in her talking head, lists all of her complaints.  She hates his laugh, his conversation is like pulling teeth and finally tells us that she’d rather – oh the horror – wear flats or go barefoot before she’d go on another date with him.   I hope he knows how lucky he is.

Erica is lolling around in bed as her dad is getting ready to go to work.  He comes upstairs to find out if she’s going to do anything but loll around in bed, or if she’s actually going to go to work with him, as she promised she would.  She tells him that she’s emotionally exhausted over her relationship with her boyfriend, Rob.  That opens the door for Dad to ask her if she’s ever going to be ready for any commitment – marriage, job, anything.

Erica Gimbel

She sends him packing with more lame excuses, sticking out her tongue at him as he leaves.  By the way,  in her talking head, she explained that her real reason for not going to work was because she had two choices –   the beach or the office.  Given that there are more bars along the beach, the choice was a simple one.

The big day has arrived – the hanky party begins, but not without a few technical issues first.  The backdrop for the step and repeat, complete with a red bathmat carpet isn’t in place yet and so Amanda enlists the salon owner and Jeff to put it up.Amanda Bertoncini

They try, they fail and Amanda has to do it herself, while telling us that she’s the most butch one there…..she said it, I didn’t.  The guests begin arriving and it’s pretty clear that Amanda has already had a few too many drinks.  As Erica, Joey, Chanel and Ashlee approach, she screams out HIIIIII!!!.  My dogs took to hiding in the shower, trying to get away from the noise.

Everybody is drinking, dancing and conducting themselves almost normally, until Chanel becomes embroiled in some drink-tossing incident.  Some other woman, a very big woman, started throwing ice cubes at Chanel, then threw her entire drink.  Chanel responded in kind and a Bravo brawl began.

Ashlee White, Chanel (Coco) Omari, Erica Gimbel, Joey Lauren

Everybody got in on the action, even Mom Babs, who never met a party with girls half her age she didn’t like.  Chanel wasn’t about to let the incident go and called her assailant white trash.  Chanel can’t help herself.  Trying on that godforsaken wedding gown was just too much for her fragile unwed state of being.  All that pressure would make anyone crack.   Amanda remarked that the drink that was thrown better have had one of her hankies on it.   I couldn’t tell, but we might know better next week, as the rumble with all of those high-end, fabulous women continues.


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9 Responses to Princesses: Long Island – Coco Loco

  1. melthehound says:

    Empress I love your recaps of this show.. You take it as seriously as I would and you have a snark that the hound truly appreciates. I missed this particular episode while trying to write about the other easterly coast Bravo crapfest. I don’t know which one is worse yet though.. Still working on that one in my mind.

    • mth, It’s hard to take any of these shows seriously, so snark is the only way to go.
      Your NJ recaps have me howling. I don’t think I’m revealing any deep, dark secret when I say that I cannot stand Jacqueline who gives a new meaning to crazy.
      Bravo is one crapfest after another (love that, btw).
      Just a bit of advice, if NJ gives you agita, watch the Princesses with plenty of Pepto Bismol on hand. 😉

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  3. jules says:

    Thanks for the recap Empress. I started watching this mess by accident but only lasted a couple of episodes. Your recaps are far more interesting because I’m sure you leave the really stupid parts out. I am constantly amazed at the depths some people will go just to be on television. I’d feel sorry for the girls (not women because they don’t behave like grown-ups) because it’s clear there is pressure from their families/culture to marry. But putting yourself on television to find a man is just pathetic, IMHO.

    • jules! Thanks for your comment. I don’t know about leaving the stupid parts out because then there’d be nothing left to write about. These girls – and I agree, they can hardly be called women – really make me laugh, which lends itself to a few bad jokes and a lot of eye rolling from my side of the TV screen. ITA – they’re looking for love in all the wrong places. Speed dating, singles camp and clubbing with your mom? Oh yea, that’ll work. 😀

      • jules says:

        Okay, so maybe you don’t leave the stupid parts out because most of it is stupid but you make it sound much more entertaining than it is. I can’t watch it anymore because, as stupid as this is, I sometimes feel embarrassed for THEM. I mean, how desperate do you have to be to go trolling for a Jewish husband on reality tv with your family’s consent and participation?!?!? I I can’t see how this makes them marriage material unless, of course, there’s some fame-whore guy who thinks he can turn their wedding/marriage into another reality show. Is that the kind of husband they really want? Before I stopped watching, I actually like Chanel the most. She is proud of and practices her religion and seems to be nice. She is really pressured by her family. I can’t believe her sister made her try on a wedding gown, talk about passive-aggressive…..I thought Catholic guilt was bad!

  4. not THAT Jill says:

    Great recap Empress…the Bravo message at the beginning was nice surprise-it doesn’t let them off the hook in my book but it’s a start!!
    Did you see when Chanel went after the big girl the second time she hid behind Ericka?? Who does that? She is the worst street fighter ever!!! You can’t run up to a girl and sneak her and then hide behind your friend!!! She doesn’t know the rules!!!

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