Ashlee is about to celebrate her 30th birthday and Amanda and Chanel go shopping for dresses. No, Jeff wasn’t with them to offer his expert fashion advice, perhaps because Babs didn’t go. The girls try on one skimpy, low cut dress after another and their conversation was something like “you’re hot”, “oh, you’re hot”, “OMG, that one’s hot”, well, you get the idea. Everybody’s hot.
Ashlee’s Dad, Hal, gives her a diamond ring for the occasion which seems a little strange to me, but I’m quickly learning that these girls and their parents have really strange relationships as it is, so this probably shouldn’t be any surprise. Daddy bought her a BMW for her 16th birthday and the ring was meant to top that – or something like that.
Ashlee’s red carpet event is held at a club in a strip mall and her parents are right there with her, dancing and drinking with the other 20 somethings. There’s a mostly naked guy serving hummus from glass containers hung from his waist. Amanda’s boyfriend, Jeff, is the first one to sample the hummus – now, that didn’t surprise me. Chanel starts doing her dance moves which I think are illegal in 38 states, not because they’re obscene but because she just can’t dance. The best way I can describe it is that it looks like she’s trying to polka, gangnam style, with a dislocated hip. Erica is hitting on every guy at the party and, at least for one night, she’s not stealing anyone’s boyfriend.
The next day, Erica and her boyfriend Rob play tennis. Now, they play tennis about as well as Chanel dances. They also find it necessary to curse like drunken sailors every time they screw up, which is a lot. They’re choice of dialogue clears the place out, including two young boys, leaving the couple free to discuss their trust issues. I imagine that the conversation went on for hours, knowing Erica as we do. She tells Rob that she’s just the flirty type and would never cheat. Okay.
Cut to Chanel who gets a call from her ex-boyfriend, Michael. Michael is sitting outside her house and wants to talk to her about their relationship. He’s upset because she blocked his texts and he tells her that he didn’t respond to her as quickly as she would’ve liked because he was observing Shabbat by not texting. I don’t know why she went outside and sat down in his car. She’s still smarting from his dumping her and taking up with his former 19 year old girlfriend. So, they argue about breaking up and making up and then Chanel cries and runs back into the house. Her Dad, Sam, tries to comfort her and tells her that she should forget about Michael and move on. Sound advice, but Chanel is caught up in the drama of it all and says that Michael was her last chance at love. My guess is that it gives her a story line.
Speaking of storylines, Ashlee, Joey and Casey take off for a weekend at a Jewish singles camp to meet more potential suitors. That’s the whole premise of this show, right, so why not? As they approach the camp, Ashlee’s Dad calls to give them a weather report. That call is followed by one from the camp directors who tells the girls that the camp is closed due to severe weather. Now the poor darlings are lost, out in the middle of nowhere – they’re actually in New Milford, Connecticut, but it must have looked like the Amazon given their short-sightedness. They decide to find a bar, figuring that all of the nice Jewish men who couldn’t get to the camp are just languishing about, waiting for the Lawnguyland gals to show up.
The girls pick out a local pub and begin to ask each and every man there if they’re Jewish. None of them are, but hey any port in a storm, so the girls start doing shots, flirting and dancing.
Back in the Hamptons, Amanda and Babs are getting dressed to go clubbing. Mom and daughter like the occasional girls’ night out, without Jeff. They’re fabulous, just fabulous. Amanda tells us that they’re in the VIPiest of VIP rooms and everyone is begging to join them but they’re highly selective about who gets chosen. Erica arrives and the VIP section is slowly filling with a bunch of men of different ages, sizes and moral turpitude. As shots are consumed, the atmosphere and conduct goes from bad to much, much worse. Erica’s innocent flirting has become an embarrassment. She announces to everyone that she has the world’s worst swamp ass and carries extra panties in her purse in case of an emergency. Dollar bills are flung about and promises of blow jobs are bandied about.
The men provide lap dances and Erica explains that guys like her because she’s such a wonderful conversationalist. The next words out of her mouth are “let’s get naked”. Amanda finally realizes that this has gone too far, even for Erica. She can’t believe that her friend would jeopardize what she has with Rob for some “goy toy”. Then Rob calls. Erica pulls herself together, somewhat, goes back to drinking and says that guys just want to go where they can get f***ed.
Back in Connecticut, Ashlee, Joey and Chanel have left the bar and found a motel. It’s far below the standards that Ashlee has set, but she’s come with her emergency bedding and things look as if they might be going well. Then the germaphobic munchkin notices a stain on one of the beds. No one else can see it, but she’s gagging and gasping for air and tells the others that she’s going to throw up. She runs to the bathroom and we get to listen to wretching. Apparently, the lesson from all of this is that when you’re in a slightly seedy motel, the best place to find sanitary sanctuary is bent over a toilet, regularly used by total strangers.