Welcome back Idol fans and casual readers. They opened the show giving us a forever montage of Burnell being sent home and all the emotional stuff like that. They must really be hurting for material this season because I can’t remember a scene like that being shown from previous weeks, this season. Maybe worth noting, Burnell’s parting shot was to kiss his crush, Amber. Somehow I don’t think that’s the first time he ever did it. You likely remember last week when that dipshit Lazaro found himself in the top 3 as the entire audience, the judges, and yours truly asked WTF? We’ll get back to him later and then hopefully, we’ll be done with him.

Top six contestants perform tonight, tomorrow night one will go home. They are-

• Kree Harrison
• Candice Glover
• Janelle Arthur
• Angie Miller
• Amber Holcomb
• Lazaro Arbos

Yes, these are my order of preference. You could swap Kree and Candice for those who have impressed me most, I just happen to like Kree better. She’s more my preferred style. I am going to do things a little differently this week. Each contestant will have two songs to do and I will present them in the order they performed, for both performances. The song choices this week come from the Burt Backorak (sp) and Hal David catalog and a song they wish they had written. We will also get a little personal tidbit from each contestant, “something you may not know about me”. So with the help of my youtube recapper, Janet from Madrosed (Because I don’t know the names of any of these songs – Click the link and subscribe to her channel if you like recaps of various shows. She also does some cooking videos that are of little interest to me because I’m not vegan or vegetarian but you may like them), let’s get started.

Angie Miller. She likes to do goofy youtube videos with her friend and, she’s a headbanger. Find her if you care to, I don’t. Her songs are “Anyone who had a heart” and “Love came down”. The first one, she made it through the song but the judges kind of ripped her apart about not being emotionally connected with the song. Passion (lack thereof) is the word they used a lot. The second one, she was back at her piano for the entire thing and she did much better. That doesn’t mean I liked either one of them but for now, at the piano is where she belongs and maybe the judges have convinced her of it. I don’t think she will be remembered for either one.

Next up, Amber Holcomb. There was some teasing about her boyfriend now being gone (Burnell)… cute.  This one likes to eat frozen shrimp right out of the bag. Shrimp-sickles. Gag. Her songs, “Say a little prayer” and “Love on top”. You’re going to notice a theme develop here with me so I’ll spell it out. I’m not saying the contestants all did poorly with their songs, it’s that I don’t like the songs in the first round. I got so sick of hearing Say a little prayer when it was in full rotation, I simply turned off the radio so I wouldn’t have to hear it anymore. Then I would go to a store or something like that and OMG, there it was on the store Muzak (Muzak has really added to my hatred of shopping in public stores). The judges swoon all over this girl as if she can do no wrong. She’s cute, she can sing, but I don’t think she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Randy pulls out his ‘now the competition has begun’. Whatever, Randy.

Next, is the Vote For The Worse pick, Lazaro Arbos. I don’t like the tactic of queering the votes from these people but they do have it right, he is the worse, and I mean William Huang worse. Even Sanjaya wasn’t this bad, he was just annoying. It’s time to get this stuttering moron off of my television screen but, he’s there so here goes. He likes to drive four wheelers and hunt. Really? Maybe he does. I don’t know but, I think he picked two of the most ‘macho’ activities he could think of and those are his pass times to try and endear himself to another demographic. His songs, “Close to you” and “Angels”. Everybody, raise your hand if you think either of these could have possibly been any good…….. You in the back, with your hand up, Take off the headphones so you can actually hear what’s going on… The judges spent a solid five minutes I would say trying to be nice to Lazaro about that first one. Apparently, there was supposed to be a key change in the song that he completely missed. That is, the band changed keys, he didn’t. That’s what they focused on. Well, three of them anyway.. Nicki just told Ryan to do his thing because she wasn’t going to say anything. I wish the others had the same courtesy about blowing all that hot air. The second song, while the judges said it was better, was not. Remember, this is a song he wishes he had written. He mumbled and stumbled his way through that. We all do this. We all attempt to sing songs with the radio or in my case, record my own versions, and when we don’t really know the words, we try to fake it. Listen to some of mine at 2coolmel on Youtube, you’ll recognize it when you hear it. What I’m saying people is, once again, he forgot the phuckin words, to a song he wishes he had written. Unbelievable. In other words, Did That Ever Suck. The judges, except Randy, were just too nice to say it right out. I hope this guy doesn’t seriously think he belonged in the top 3 last week. Over Candice? Surely he’s touched in the head if that’s the case. Randy even flat out told him, he isn’t in the same league as the girls (I’ll add to that, the worse girl, whomever that may be this week. Bring back Zoenette… Anything). Those of you who may ask what MY excuse is? I’m not on a singing competition and haven’t made the claim to even be able to sing.

Time for some redemption. Kree Harrison. Arguably (by me) my favorite. She likes rodeos and has been singing at them since she was something like 6 or 7. Her brother is in the audience tonight too. I never knew from previous shows, she even had a brother. He works on a pipeline and had to get permission to be away from work so he could see the show live. I just hope they sat that damn tweenie moshpit down so he could see her. Her songs, “What the world needs now” and “Help me make it through the night”. I didn’t love the first one but only because it’s another of those Muzak songs to me. I don’t like the song but I’ve yet to see Kree actually screw up a performance. The second one however, knocked it out of the ballpark, in my opinion. Keith praised her on the choice of musicians as well. Simple but effective. He also told her she would be a member of the Grande Ole Opry.. To an aspiring country singer, that’s the holy grail. Nicki told her that if she wasn’t singing at the CMAs in the next couple years, something is wrong.

In the 5th spots of the night, Janelle Arthur. She was a boy in a school play in 8th grade (I think) she said. Okay.. Songs, “I’ll never fall in love again” (yawn) and some Garth Brooks song. Again, yawn. She didn’t do a bad job with them but neither was great. With one of them, Keith said he would have liked to see her just with her guitar instead of any of the backing stuff she used. I almost forgot to recap her performances if that tells you anything. Overall however, she still hangs on to third place in my mind.

Fifth and pimp spot of the night, Candice Glover. Kree remains my favorite but in both categories, I have to give a solid win to Candice. Her little secret, she speaks a language known only to her. It’s some sort of gibberish probably not unlike something that may be heard between twins so no one around them knows what is being said. Her songs, “Don’t make me over” and “Love Song” by The Cure.. Forget about the first one which was great. After ending up in 4th or further down the list behind gag me Lazaro, I think she decided to school everyone, including the voting public that this is a singing competition. She pulled vocal gymnastics that had gymnastics out of her butt and everyone else’s too. If there is any doubt where she belongs after that performance (and remember, I hate balladish type songs), then they need to turn out the lights, Randy needs to get a real job, and they can just do away with American Idol. Multiple standing ovations from the judges, even Mariah with her tight ass dress managed to peel her butt off of the seat.

My take, I didn’t like most of the first round and really only enjoyed a couple from the second round. Maybe it’s the songs, I have never been a fan of the Dionne Warwick type songs, which I think we heard three of. You know who I think should be going home but I’ll also note that there is some foul play afoot with these voters. Look for the judges save to be used, very soon. Not only because it has to be but because it may be necessary.

Results Night

The show opens as usual. We see the final 6 giving their pre performance comments from the previous night and we see some highlights and lowlights. Kelly Clarkston and Scotty McCreepy will be there pushing whatever their latest projects are. I guess one should pay homage to the original American Idol but I reserve to right to bash the season 10 winner. Yes, friends, the group sing is still with us (I am glad they didn’t do any duets last night)… It is a melody, I think, from the songs du jour this week. After a minute it hit me that they weren’t all out on stage at once but each had their own parts. Look above for how they did and yes, once again, Lazaro gets an “OMG, Did That Ever Suck”. Sorry, I tried to be nice to this guy in the beginning but I just can’t take him anymore. Yes, I think in this case, I could do better. I would still be terrible compared to the ladies but against him, a Champ (not saying much, is it?). The final part of that performance was a group sing of That’s What Friends Are For and I couldn’t help notice that Lazaro’s mic was held (by him) Far away from his mouth. I wonder if Jimmy told him to do that so he wouldn’t phuck it up.

Time for the Ford Fiesta Mission… They are playing roof top soccer with a huge ball and cars. Looked like fun, watch it if you want to.

Time for some results? We review the highlights of last weeks, top three. Kree, Angie and (gag) Lazaro. Jimmy’s comments, Angie, solid performance but not the best of the night for him. Kree, he believes she has a whole lot more to give and if she wants to stick around, she needs to start giving it. Lazaro, has proven him wrong every week. He admonishes Lazaro to change key when the band does. He again says, this guy doesn’t belong on the same stage as the other contestants. When asked for a ranking on Lazaro, Jimmy says 10th. Production assistant reminds him there are only 6.. Jimmy of course knows (haha)… Ryan stands the three of them up on stage, one at left, one middle, one right. That’s last week’s top three. We get to hear where they stand this week after Scotty McCreepy sings. Ryan, you dick.

Kevin Bacon is in the audience and I think, so is that black guy who plays a head US Marshall on The Following. Are they trying to drum up viewership or just there for the show? Either way, Kevin wishes he had the singing talent that the contestants have (Hint Kevin, with at least one of them, you do and you are probably better). Time for Scotty. He’s won the Academy of Country Music best new artist, had 10 number ones on Billboard country charts, he’s on a headliner tour with his own band. I’ll give him this, he ain’t sitting on his ass waiting for state fair gigs. The song he’s pushing, “See you tonight”.. It was Scotty-like. Listen if you want at the show link above (where it says results night).

Next, more pseudo results. First, Janelle.. She stands next to Angie as Jimmy says when she puts her own spin on a song, it’s great. Last night’s songs, it felt like she phoned them in (My read on what he said). Next, Candice stands by Kree. Perfect pair in my estimation. Jimmy says that he could just tell her what songs he wants and she could then call and tell him that the record is done. She needs no coaching from him to get it right. That leaves, Amber to stand with Lazaro. Jimmy doesn’t understand why the public doesn’t get her. I’ll tell you why Jimmy. At least from my perspective… No one (or I don’t) likes a straight ballad singer. Remember what you told Burnell about doing a bunch of R&B ballads, Jimmy? Not everyone loves Beyanci and whatzername in this country. That’s just me though. Anyway, there they are. Top two, Middle two, Bottom two. We will learn which is which after Kelly sings. Ryan, you dick.

Recognize the guy on the right? How about the girl in the middle who made her shirt out of a pair of pants? What about the guy on the left? Brian Dunkleman.. Last time I saw him, he was on celebrity fit club or boot camp or VH1 show like that with Bobby Brown. How is that for some reality Alumni cred? If I remember correctly, he was very bitter about the way he was played by the folks at American Idol. He isn’t the  only one I’ve heard complaints from. It’s a bit extraordinary to me that Kelly, has been able to do Anything with her Idol fame. Maybe that’s because she actually has/had talent. I realize she has aged 12 years and been up and down in weight but this does not look like Kelly. Her song is People Like Us and the performance was a weird florescent paint and black light affair. Click the same link you did for McCreepy if you want to see for yourself.

Results… Finally. Candice and Kree, Top Two… Naturally and they better be. Lazaro and Amber, Bottom two. Poor Amber. I guess when doing things this way, someone has to stand next to him. After all, there are only 6 left. Well, 5 left and Lazaro. Angie and Janelle are safe in the middle. Careful ladies, that middle section is getting smaller and smaller. One of them would be top three if there was one. Now, even though I’m watching online, commercial free, I’m forced to skip over commercials while Fox shows us a bunch of people mingling around on the idol stage. First time ever, they’ve done that.. Let’s call that a failed experiment and promise never to do it again.

34 million votes put Lazaro at the absolute bottom. OMG, they are going to let this asshat sing for the save. 8th word in he’s already phucked it up by missing notes. He didn’t do much better through the rest of the song. The judges didn’t even pretend to deliberate. This decision was made weeks ago. Randy says no to using the save. Lazaro thanks the judges. Ryan says that Lazaro has made a mark on the show. I say a stain but, whatever. Good Bye Lazaro. It’s about damn time. Now this show is where it should have been 5 weeks ago. A girls competition based on what we were given by the fellas. Now it’s time for the voting to really heat up and some true favorites and talent to start going home. Let’s see what a Real singing competition looks like, shall we? Tune in next week my friends.

Til then, Peace.

MTH