Before I get to what this post is supposed to be about, I’d just like to say that Donald Trump is a jerk. I know that this isn’t really news to most of you, but on Wednesday he pulled a really boneheaded stunt. He’d been tweeting all week about some kind of statement he had that would change the election. It turns out that what he really wanted was to get the President to give him his Birth Certificate and college transcripts in return for – are you ready – $5 million. Now, I don’t know why he wants those things or why he would pay so much for them. You can get your own for about $5. It’s not like he can use them for anything. Frankly, if he does try to use them, he could get into trouble. Didn’t anybody tell him that identity theft is a crime? Maybe he should fire his legal advisers. Now, if he’s really looking for some fake IDs, I do know somebody who can help and we could split the money.
I’m not even going to bother to post a link to this nonsense, so I’ll just tell you that he didn’t actually say that he was going to give the money to the President. He said that he would make a $5million donation to some charities. So, Mr. Trump, why don’t you do just that? Write the check out to, oh, I don’t know, some schools that need books, or maybe to a children’s hospital. They can use the money, you’ll look less like a jerk and you’ll stop messing up my Twitter timeline.
Just to be fair in the jerk department, Eva Longoria decided to retweet some not so nice things about the other guy who’s running for President. I hate to pick on her right now because she just broke up with her 17th or 18th boyfriend, so okay, maybe jerk was a little harsh – clueless sounds better. The lesson’s the same, though. If you want to show support for your candidate, which I think Trump was trying to do – but in his usual foolish and self-aggrandizing style – it’s really better to do it in a way that makes him and you sound good. As for Eva, tweeting stuff about racism and misogyny isn’t helping things, either. Better yet, maybe celebrities should just stop endorsing anything. Well, I don’t really care if Eva does those L’Oreal commercials – I mean, it’s not like she has much else to do. For the most part, outside of selling some products I don’t need and probably wouldn’t use, I think that they get a little carried away with their own stardom and forget what message they’re trying to send. I can’t really say that any celebrity has had any influence over what I do or who I like. It doesn’t matter how much Robert Wagner pushes the idea, I’m still not getting a reverse mortgage.
Now, about this debate thing. I know there’s an election coming up in November and I like to think that I’m an informed voter, but I’m having a hell of a time finding any news about either of the candidates. I’m going to venture a guess and say that one of them is probably already the President and that there’s some other guy who wants to be. I’ve got a 50-50 shot on that one, depending on how long somebody’s held the office. The problem is, no matter where I look – whether it’s on television or by reading articles – all I’m hearing about is two men who have been involved in some debate club competition. There must be a really big prize for whoever wins, like a trophy or a plaque or something, because the news people just won’t stop talking about it. They’ve even interrupted regular television programming so that we can watch them. They don’t do that for the National Spelling Bee. You’ve really got to look around the channels if you want to see a 12 year old spell “onomatopoeia”.
Here’s a clip of them, so you’ll get some idea of what I’m talking about. I didn’t realize you could hit your opponent during a debate, but I’ve never been on a debate team, so I really don’t know all the rules.
Seeing as I had very little option, I watched them and now I’m even more confused. These guys are all over the place. One night, somebody was talking about Big Bird, maybe because the Muppets are rich and a lot people don’t like rich folks right now. I don’t get it because just about everybody I know wouldn’t mind giving it a shot. Then, the other night, these two started arguing about horses and aircraft carriers and some group of girls from New Jersey called “The Bayonnettes.” Now I’m really lost. Are the horses actually on the aircraft carriers, because if they are that explains why those are such big ships. They needed to make room for pastures. I hope that they’re not inside any submarines though, because those horses would freak.
One of the things I was hoping they’d debate was drones, but I didn’t hear much about them. They are kind of important – not the stingerless-bee types but the other ones, that fly around all over the world and really do hurt when they strike. It seemed like nobody really wanted to talk about assault weapons or the shenanigans going on with the bankers and Wall Street, either. I don’t know why. I guess they have their reasons. Whoever runs these things should ask better questions and the two opponents should have to answer them, not go off on some sort of vortextualization.
To make matters even worse, and really cut into my television programs, there’s a couple of other guys who showed up for one night as part of these college debates. They must be competing for second place and that’s why they only got one chance to show their stuff. I didn’t get much out of that, either. I know one of them was having a good time because he was laughing a lot – either that or he wasn’t taking the whole thing very seriously, and was trying to win some points with the coeds. Frankly, I thought all four of them looked too old to still be in college. Then again, a number of job-seekers are going to back to school to learn new skills, so that may be the case here. If they really are looking for work, perhaps they should try somewhere overseas, like Libya. From what I’ve read, Americans are a little short-staffed over there, and nobody seems to be lifting a finger to help.
The only other thing the media is talking about, besides this debate club thing, is something or someone called “The Undecideds”. This might be a movie they’re promoting but I’m not sure. I don’t go to too many movies. If it really is a group of people, then I want to be one too. I saw “Swing Vote” with Kevin Costner and he got all kinds of attention while he making up his mind. I think I’m going to hold out until one of the candidates starts offering lifetime supplies of Three Musketeers bars before I let them know which way I’m going to vote. Until that happens, I’m going to keep looking for some kind of information about the election, starting with which day it is. Maybe by then, somebody will tell those four guys which one of them gets the prize and they can finally graduate. They’re still out there right now, though, holding rallies all over the place, trying to get their fans to make calls and tweet for them – just like “American Idol”.