Andy started the questions off with a few for LuAnn about the pirate encounter and the status of her relationship with Jacques. Lulu started off by explaining how to pronounce the pirate’s name. It’s said “Toe-mah” because he’s French and our dear Countess is the Bravo expert on all things French – boyfriends, kisses, pirates, the Statue of Liberty. LuAnn admitted that she lied to Jacques about her night with Thomas. Her excuse didn’t make much sense, but, according to Andy, neither did her Franglish or lapse in judgment while wearing a microphone. She had a little pity party about how terrible it was for her and Jacques to watch the show and her conspiracy to cover up her late night with Jack Sparrow. She also told Andy that her comment “I never change” referred to the fact that always seems to get into precarious situations. I guess she meant those times when she was playing ping-pong by moonlight.
Ramona gave another slant on LuAnn’s activities, telling Andy that Lulu loves her men and can’t keep her hands off of them. Lulu, who must have been channeling Kelly, told Ramona to “zip it” and decided that the gloves were off. She gave Ramona an earful about her marriage. Ramona told her not to go there, which was kind of funny because Ramona really did open that door. LuAnn went back into pity mode, adding a little outrage for good measure and began wailing about how she had Jacques had suffered because of what had been shown on television. She asked Ramona if she wanted blood and then turned on Carole, telling her that she is always the first to judge and the one who laughs the loudest.
Having gotten all the mileage he could out of that exchange, Andy turned to Sonja and the pirate. He said that he couldn’t believe what he was about to ask, to which Heather and Carole said, “then you shouldn’t”. They don’t know Andy as well as they thought, I guess. He dove right in, asking Sonja whether Tomas had played in the backyard, did she mind having LuAnn’s sloppy seconds and does she always like it in the booty or is that something she reserves only for pirates. He really though that last one was very clever and turned into Teresa for a moment while trying to explain how funny that was. Booty? Pirates? Get it? It’s a joke. Okay, so that fell flat and Sonja wasn’t going to play along so Andy tried one more time by asking her if she thought it was appropriate to hit on house staff. Sonja said that she flirted with them, and made it clear that was all Andy was going to get from her.
Andy turned his attention to Aviva and began by asking her why she cared who Sonja slept with while her own Dad was hitting on every woman with a pulse. Aviva said that she misunderstood what a “girls’ trip” meant. She envisioned camp fires, unless she has a fear of fires, making s’mores and singing rounds of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”. Aviva was still all worked up about Ramona and Sonja being naked in bed together. Carole shut her down and told her that she’s slept in the same bed with her own girlfriends – no biggie. This seemed to calm Aviva down a bit, but, then again, Carole is going to catch breaks from Aviva that would never be given to R&S.
We were treated to a montage of Papa George’s finest moments. I won’t go over them. I’m sure that they’re burned into all of our memories – another thing for which we have Bravo to thank. When Andy asked the women how many of them thought George was inappropriate, the vote was unanimous. Andy pressed Aviva a little further by asking her why she thought that R&S were low-class, but pimping out your friends to your lech of a Dad was alright. She said that her definition of “low-class” meant how you treat people, and that the comparison was apples and oranges. I know what an “apples and oranges” comparison is, but I don’t think that it fit here. How you treat people is how you treat people. Apples and apples, oranges and oranges – no mixed fruit about it.
Sonja found her opportunity with that one, too and asked Aviva why it was okay to fix her up with the South Beach perv but the sweet and innocent Carole was off-limits. According to Aviva, it was simply a matter of chronology. Sonja’s experience with George was early on during filming, while Carole had become her friend, almost a sister, as the season progressed. So, remember that ladies, if you’re fresh meat, all bets are off. Gird your loins. Carole, when asked by Andy about her widow’s rules for sex and dating, said that George had broken each and every one of them. Aviva told Andy that her parents had enjoyed an intensely sexual relationship, but he got worse after her mother passed.
Aviva really believes that her father is okay – just a cute, funny, sometimes inappropriate, senior who is enjoying life and the pleasures of the flesh. Ramona saw it a little differently and said that Aviva has rules for her Dad and rules for everybody else. George’s ever faithful daughter said that she has to accept him just the way he is or risk having no relationship with him. She also told R&S that were charming and funny at one point, but she wasn’t laughing anymore. Apples and apples, Aviva.
Andy wanted to discuss the infamous toaster oven and all of the issues that it caused between Sonja and Heather. It didn’t go very well. Sonja brought out some samples, sent in by viewers, of what she had envisioned with regard to her name and how it should have looked. Heather, and I don’t know how she stayed seated during this, was and had every right to be, insulted. She told Sonja, in no uncertain terms, that she wouldn’t know hard work if it bit her in the ass. I don’t know if that’s true, but I sure understood where Heather was coming from. When Andy asked Sonja where the toaster oven was, she told him that she was waiting to unveil the entire Sonja Home Collection – apron, tongs, the whole kit and caboodle. I’d get moving on that if I were Sonja. Amazon does a very brisk business around the holidays.
Sonja did address her financial situation. She said that she is selling her house in France, is talking to her ex about their money issues and has filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. She also said that she has nothing but love and admiration for her ex, calling him sprite and vibrant, and added that she missed her very best friend, her dear dog who had passed in March. Aviva told her that she regretted her remark about Sonja being an Ana Nicole Smith-type.
Andy really stepped in it when he asked about the feud between Ramona and Aviva. With a very loud “Holy Moley”, Ramona went into a tirade about George, the domestic violence brouhaha and the “trailer turd” comment. Aviva had no choice, or better response, than to mention her 80 YEAR OLD FATHER – sorry, but you’re staying sober tonight, that’s all she gave me. A claim of thousands of dollars in donation turned out to be a check for $500. As Aviva described his departure as his being thrown from the window of the 90th floor apartment, Ramona said that he was escorted out by a couple of waiters and the 90 pound Carole. Aviva wants an apology. Ramona wants an apology. I want an apology.
Now here comes the part where Aviva’s reputation renewal PR team has earned their money. She used her mother’s alcoholism and death to tell Ramona how she was transferring all of her anger onto her. She wasn’t hollering at Ramona and didn’t mean to suggest that she needed rehab. Oh no, this was everything she had wanted to say to her mother. That’s some great psycho-babble, rehearsed for exactly that moment. It reminded me of Jacqueline Laurita, popping off of her pillow long enough to mutter “good purging, bad purging” before falling back into her stupor. Come up with some therapist’s guide to buzz words and it’s all good.
Andy would up with a few final questions. Why does Sonja have interns? They help with her blog and website. Did Carole date George Clooney? Yes, and he read the draft of her memoir. Was Aviva a runaway bride? She said she was because they weren’t a good match. There are some stories that contradict her version, but who really cares? Ramona only wanted to know is she had to sign a pre-nup. Sonja thinks Heather has gotten prettier. Ramona has decided that the reunion is over, got up and started to gather her things and remove her microphone. Andy did finally bring the cameras to her attention, but it was too late. Ramona had spoken and she was done, no happier with Aviva than she had been when the whole thing started.
Two reunions down, and none on the horizon. Life is good.
LuAnn, Heather and Carole have finished their blogs.
Aviva has provided a rather lengthy post at Bravo, including her interactions with viewers on social media. Grab some lunch and a cup of coffee – it’s going to take a while.
Sonja and Ramona have posted their blogs.