Joe Gorga & Chippendales

These are the Chippendales dancers.  See anything Gorga-like?

Anyone else a bit revolted by the collars thing? No? Ok then.

So stripper-gate has been thoroughly  investigated and the truth has come out.  Joe Gorga admitted that he was a stripper in college, and not just any stripper, but  a Chippendales’ dancer.  Are you done giggling yet?   Unless  there’s some version of the Chippendales, made up of the rejects who did make the real cut, well, Joe’s story, in my opinion, is about as over inflated as the activities and proportions he assigns to his little friend, Tarzan.

I watched the New Jersey reunion this morning, while I had some coffee and laughed out loud when he made that announcement.  I liked it so much, I rewound and played it again, just to be sure that I hadn’t heard it wrong.  Then I laughed some more.  He may have done something in college with that elephant g-string of his, but it wasn’t on a stage in Vegas with the dancers of Chippendales.

I don’t want you to think that I’m just questioning his story simply because I think everyone on The Real Housewives of New Jersey has been known to make up things or embellish their resumes a bit, which they do, but this one was on a scale equal to Michaele Salahi’s claims of being a cheerleader for the Washington Redskins.   I decided to do a little research on the Chippendales after the reunion was over.  I know, it was hard work, looking at those men on their website.   A few searches on Google and you can find out quite a bit about anything, and I really think that Joe Gorga should have done his own homework before he made that overblown claim to fame.

If you’re thinking of applying to become a Chippendale, you can stop dreaming if you’re under 5’10” tall.  Even their touring company has the same minimum height requirement.  If Joe Gorga is that tall, then I’m ready for the Women’s NCAA basketball championships.  They’re sort of like the Rockettes that way – there are no petite ones.    Now, let’s talk about that “I made 2 grand a night” remark.   It actually is possible for a Chippendales dancer to make that much, and more, in tips per night.   After reading a couple of interviews with some of the former dancers, they did say that on some, albeit very rare, nights, one or two of the men made over $4,000 from happy and generous female audience members.  What they also said was that, on average, anything close to $1,000 was considered a very good night, and that even then, those kinds of tips were usually given to the hottest, most popular dancers, who put on the best shows.   Although they’re not allowed to say what their salaries are, they did suggest that, depending on the talent and showmanship of each dancer, they were paid between $40,000 and $60,000 per year.  I might give Joe $5 just because he made me laugh.

Here’s Joe Gorga.  See anything Chippendale-like?  Maybe I should rethink my $5 donation.

There’s nothing scientific about what I’ve written.  The producers and managers of the Chippendales are very hush-hush about the money part.   I do think that Joe Gorga did some kind of erotic dancing, somewhere.  If he didn’t, he should have, because he sure loves to take it all off, strut his stuff and let Tarzan out to play whenever he can.  He also will give Andy Cohen a lap dance, just for the asking, but Lisa Vanderpump can do one, too, although she was with the real Chippendales.  Teresa said that she found his elephant g-string and asked him about it.  I don’t know for sure what he did with that thing, other than to give Tarzan a home inside of its trunk.  I will suggest, and it’s just my opinion, that Joe and his little friend have never gotten any closer to the Chippendales than a seat in the audience.   So, I’m going to put his claim right there next to his wife’s – you know the one –  about the bartending, 2nd grade school teacher.  Or maybe he’s just completely confused and meant that adorable pair of chipmunks at Disneyworld.  Sorry Joe, but I’m not buying it.  Now keep your pants on and be quiet.  I have to go back to that Chippendales site – for some more research.

By the way, I know that Jill is on WWHL tonight.  Jon Stewart is on at the same time.  I’ll keep the light on and save you a seat, if you’re interested.  At the very least, you’ll go to sleep having had a laugh.


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16 Responses to Joe Gorga & Chippendales

  1. Donna says:

    ROFLMAO His comment did keep the heat off Jac & Melissa

  2. JoeGo went to college????????

  3. misszippity says:

    Oh, my goodness, how I enjoyed reading this — that little fella is just such a moron who has been led down a very sad path by his manipulating wife and her scary sisters. Totally agree with your blog, and the comment about his being confused and possibly meant the adorable pair of chipmunks at Disneyland….still chuckling at that because he actually resembles a little chubby chipmunk more than a taller Chippendale dancer. Just glad this is over. Any predictions about who is returning and who is NOT??

    • I wouldn’t miss the Manzos, at all. Caroline and her clan bring nothing good to this franchise. Jacqueline should grow up, get off of Twitter and television, and expend every ounce of energy she has helping her son. I think the Gorgas and the Giudices could move forward if some of the other voices would stop. Did I forget about the Wakiles? I must have, so that probably means I wouldn’t miss them if they didn’t return. Anyone named Kim should be sent to Guantanamo Bay.

  4. Edna says:

    I love Joey G. I know I’m sick, but I find his unabashed attitude fun and at this point somewhat refreshing compared to the ‘ladies.’ I will (gulp) ask a ? What the heck is an elephant g-string?? No hurry, I’ll wait until the laughter has subsided. 😉 Fun blog post!

  5. cusi77 says:

    Super fun Blog, Empress, Thank you for the laughs!

    Five Dollars to poison? You are more generous than I am Empress… I would give JoeGo a quarter….
    To call somebody who cares!!! Haa!

  6. Tess says:

    Just wondering if you were able to find out where Joe Gorga went to college…some people don’t even believe that claim, lol.

    • Unless his diploma is rolled up in the trunk of his elephant wear, I’m inclined to believe that there’s about as much truth to that claim as there is to his fantasy Chippendales career.

      • lol JoGo may have “gone to college” when he visited some friends that were in college, to party. Hmmm maybe at one of those parties, he stripped. More likely he went to the “college of hard knocks.” Where he learned to be a big fat liar, not pay sub-contractors, & never sign anything Incredible, but he claims he does all his business “with a handshake.” His words. His shady business dealings aside, his disgusting need to flash his penis at every opportunity, and his delusions make him a complete laughing stock. Does he even realize Melissa’s obsession with being a popstar is bankrupting him??

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