The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Strip Down Memory Lane

Inspector Jacques Clouseau:
“I believe everything. And l believe nothing. I suspect everyone. And l suspect no one. I gather the facts, examine the clues… and before you know it, the case is solved!”

Poor Inspector Clouseau never had to deal with any of the Real Housewives.   Even he wouldn’t be able to solve this case because the clues are manufactured, the suspects are all lying and a television network has tampered with the evidence.    We won’t know the facts because there aren’t any – only stories, gossip and grudges.  The truth was lost a long time ago.  This season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey should be the very last episode ever aired.  Of course there is still a reunion, in three parts, and from what little we saw during Watch What Happens Live,  it might actually be even worse than last season’s.  Did I actually hear Jacqueline swear on her son, Nicholas’, life?  Really?  This is what you do to stay on a reality show?

This had to be the most stomach churning episode of a reality show ever aired.  While we were watching a group of women who hate each other attend a fashion show held by another woman who runs a tiny boutique – the conspiracy headquarters of Franklin Lakes, every single one of them, their spouses, business owners, siblings and, I think, landscapers were tweeting about the truth we were supposed to be buying into.   Calling this a train-wreck doesn’t even cover it.  Calling it reality or entertainment is just laughable.  Calling any of these people friends or family is an insult to those of us who really do love and care about the people in our own, very real, lives.

I don’t think I even care who was responsible for any part of all of the set ups anymore.  If this is how the Gorgas and Giudices and Manzos and Lauritas and Wakiles want to live their lives, it’s none of my business and certainly not my problem.    I thought it was tragic a few months ago, what was going on among these families.  Now, I realize that the only tragedy is the amount of time so many of us wasted thinking that the families of New Jersey really cared about each other.  What they care about is being on television and being famous, in the very worst sense of the word.   They want to sell cookbooks, desserts, iTunes, healing water, restaurants, makeup and themselves.

What they don’t want, with all due respect to Caroline’s protestations, is stop all of the drama.  They also don’t want to entertain us.  Instead, most the Housewives, on every one of the franchises, have called us haters, stalkers, bullies and crazies.   They’re laughing at us and, in a way, I guess we deserve it.   We’re the viewers, we were the fans, we’re supposed to be the consumers of whatever their products are, and what we should realize is that we hold the power to put a stop to it.  We can just not watch them anymore.  They haven’t earned our viewership and they certainly don’t deserve it.   What we were hoping for, a little glimpse into the lives of some real families from New Jersey, has turned into something that now requires the same kind of security detail seen on Jerry Springer.

A man with a bald head drops a very old piece of information that we really didn’t care about and suddenly there is Armageddon.   Someone named Kim – a D. or a G. – has put this into motion with the help of anyone of these cast members.  We’re supposed to be on the edges of our seats to find out who was texting Jacqueline or Lauren.  We’re supposed to believe that Joe Gorga and Rich Wakile rode up on their white horses to help the damsels in distress before a fashion show ended.   The bald guy had already made his escape before the cavalry arrives, leaving them with nothing else to do but start screaming at a shop owner and someone’s sister.    People are being accused of doing lines of coke, a wife is telling her husband to yell “shame” at his sister, a cousin is referring to her relative as scum and those on the sidelines are smirking and enjoying whatever part they played in this disaster.

Caroline said that Jacqueline had an “aha” moment.  Well, she did notice, after several years, that Caroline is a redhead.  As for the other “aha” moment, which was supposed to mean that Jacqueline had finally seen the real Teresa and all of her evil machinations, well I’m not sure that was what I saw.  Jacqueline said that she had been receiving texts from a “mutual friend”.  She didn’t want to rat that friend out, and probably won’t, unless there’s some great reveal during the reunion, because Jacqueline has always taken her lead from her sister-in-law and is afraid of giving out any more information than she’s allowed to give.  She also has a very bad habit of standing back and watching as terrible things unfold.

Jacqueline spends hours every day on Twitter.  Today she went into full-blown, even manic, overdrive.  The closer it got to airtime, the more she tweeted her excitement, along with her little tidbits about the “truth”.   I think we’ve figured out by now that there is no truth on Bravo.  There’s spin and fraud and revisionist history.   Andy Cohen isn’t going to get to the bottom of anything.  He lets cast members answer questions any way they want if they’re in his good favor, and torments those he doesn’t like.  Caroline has been allowed to grin and wave off any questions about her real family issues by saying that it’s personal.  She won’t, or can’t, tell us why she and half of her siblings aren’t speaking.  Jacqueline is allowed to completely skip a reunion because she’s so distraught by the events at a fashion show.  Teresa is allowed to speak in tongues while Melissa pretends that she misses Sunday dinners with the family and Kathy just blinks in some version of wide-eyed wonder and feigned innocence.  All of them get to scream and call each other names.  In fact, the more they do, the happier Andy is.  You can even body slam him if it means bigger ratings.

Bravo ended this episode by showing us a part of last year’s reunion, the one that Jacqueline couldn’t make, and told us that it was 12 hours after the fashion show.    I don’t know how that can be true.  The fashion show was in September and the Fabellini party was in October.  Does this mean that Jacqueline was still upset over the fashion show or the fact that she wasn’t invited to Teresa’s party?  Was the reunion filmed the day after the fashion show?  I honestly don’t know.   I do know that they kept taping right through the reunion and beyond, but with the complete lack of an honest timeline, I’m at a loss as to why or when Jacqueline became too emotional to honor her contractual obligations.  I’m not dumb, I don’t like being treated like I’m dumb, but, right now, I feel absolutely clueless, and I don’t even care.  Maybe it’s all just a big coinkydink.

I’ve never posted a blog by any of the New Jersey Housewives, but Jacqueline has been proudly touting hers all day and night.  I hate to let her down.  So here it is.  Make a big pot of coffee, she has a lot to say.

Jacqueline Laurita

The Grudge

Why I believe this was a set-up and will stick to that:

1. I knew Kim D. didn’t like Melissa and neither did Teresa. Teresa talked obsessively about Melissa for the past two seasons, and it was NEVER good. Teresa would fake nice only for the viewers, to make them think she was trying to get along with her family. She wasn’t. I was a witness to that on several occasions.

2.Teresa is very close to Kim D. To this day, there are recent pictures of them together hanging out. I am also friendly with Kim. We talk. She knows how I feel about all of this. Why isn’t Teresa angry at Kim D. for setting up and destroying her family if she knew Kim was in on it? I thought she loved her family and was loyal to them? (Cough, cough…NOT!) How DARE Teresa try to publicly blame the set-up on me as if I would ever do that to Melissa. I like Melissa, unlike Teresa and Kim. Kim made it VERY clear that she didn’t like Melissa, was involved in the set up, and was enjoying it, yet Teresa wasn’t upset with her at all. God forbid Melissa chat with Danielle four times when she and Teresa hated each other. Melissa never even met Danielle in person and she never acted out on what Danielle wanted her to do. Nothing ever transpired out of that brief interaction, not even a friendship between them. Teresa was buddies with Kim while she was pretending to be so happy and close with Melissa. Teresa even joined Kim inside the restaurant AFTER the fashion show, after all the drama happened and even after Kim fought intensely with her brother, and they are STILL friends. Interesting isn’t it?

3. Why didn’t Teresa try to calm her brother down or sympathize with Melissa or even seem to feel horrible that had been done to them? Why didn’t Teresa try to leave with them after the fight like the Gorgas left with Teresa after the fight in Napa? There was no remorse, just smile after smile inside the restaurant after the drama without a care in the world. I think she was pleased with what came out. Although, I think she was mad at me for calling her out. At that point, I didn’t give a rat’s a– anymore! To me, she was scum. She was faking with me just like she was faking with her own family. It was all a charade… just like her marriage, her phony magazine covers with her fake dog, her hair extensions, and her fake boobies. FAKE! I just wanted to get through the season with no more drama.

4. Kim D. will protect her friends publicly, but will usually own up to her own mischievous ways and take accountability for her actions, right or wrong. I respect her for that. Even though she doesn’t always play nice when angered.

5. Teresa doesn’t own up to anything EVER and will try to get others to speak up on her behalf and let them take the downfall alone while she plays innocent. Teresa loves to blame shift! She’s a pro! This is why I did not choose to get involved in her schemes against her family. Why should I look like the bad guy and start fighting with her family while she pretended to like them and wanted peace? I had my own hardships that I was dealing with, but Teresa didn’t care about that. She only put MORE pressure on me to do her dirty work, then she would talk badly about me and I’d have to hear about what kind of a friend I was for not doing it. She just didn’t get it when I would try to explain to her my reasons why I didn’t want to get involved. I honestly just wanted her to fake it until she made it with her family. I thought the more good times she had with them, she would forget about the grudges she had against them, but she could NEVER let them go.

6. Teresa was doing things all season to sabotage her family in many ways, including business opportunities. She was never happy with anything they said or did or how they looked or dressed. Teresa had something nasty to say about everything. The atmosphere around her became so dark and negative to be around. Her phone calls to me were all about her feelings toward her family. She was irrational and immature at times. My head was spinning. I had my own issues I was dealing with that she never gave a sh– about.

7. Why would Teresa suddenly go to new salon to get her make-up and hair done when she has someone who came to her house to do it on a regular basis? Why didn’t Kim just go to Teresa’s house to get ready? Teresa would have NEVER agreed to go to someone else for make-up and hair like that unless she had an ulterior motive. (Which she did.) TERESA KNEW KIM D. WAS MAKING MELISSA THE TARGET THAT DAY! Even if she never knew all of the details of how it would go down, Teresa knew Melissa was the target and she was going to allow Kim to do whatever she wanted to hurt Melissa, while Teresa played innocent and clueless (which isn’t hard for her). I know she knew. I was told the truth by someone involved, who shall remain nameless, that won’t publicly “out” her friend. I’m not friends with Teresa anymore, so I don’t care. I’ll say it.

8. Conveniently, the bald guy worked at that salon for one day only. Really? He just happened to be there? What gentleman randomly goes up to women while filming, to try to “out” someone on being a stripper? That’s normal? This is someone who is supposed to be a professional? Yeah…OK. Why did he do it? He did it because he was carrying out his orders and was happy and very comfortable doing so, in front of BOTH Kim AND Teresa. Think about it!

9. Teresa knew Melissa wasn’t a stripper, because Melissa already told her it wasn’t true. Why didn’t Teresa try to squash those rumors on camera, even if she believed them, and get pissed at the guy for doing that to the sister-in-law that she claims to love so much? Why did Teresa even bring it up to Melissa ON camera in the bathroom with her audience? It seemed as though she tried to argue Melissa’s point about the rumors while seemingly trying to put it out there even more by keeping the conversation going. She kept trying to discredit Melissa instead of trying to help her. If her heart was truly even beating, it was out of GUILT and THAT’S IT! Teresa wanted the bald guy to put that out there about Melissa. She was ENJOYING that the bald guy put it out there. It is what she wanted out about Melissa all season! She finally got someone besides ME to do it. There is no love there and no loyalty to her family, like Teresa claims in public.

10. Why did Teresa cowardly leave the room when Kim D. and the bald guy were talking about Melissa? Could it possibly be to give them enough time to talk even more about Melissa? She wanted to make sure they got everything out. Teresa knew it started to look too obvious in scene so she ran away from it so she wouldn’t look bad joining them in the conversation. Why didn’t she shut them down immediately and get pissed off at Kim who was trying to humiliate her sister-in-law? She says the right words for them to stop talking about her family, but then her actions don’t match up AT ALL, as she allows them to continue talking. Instead, after playing shocked and appalled, she comes back in, drinks with Kim, jokes, then continues on with her day, smiling, as if it never even happened. WOW!

11. Why didn’t Teresa call Melissa up right then and there to warn her about what that man said about her on camera? She had ALL day before the fashion show to contact Melissa. There was NO call, NO message, NO text, NO attempt of anything!!! Not even a warning the second she saw her at the fashion show. Wouldn’t you warn someone you love of that? Wouldn’t you tell them what this scumbag tried to do to her on camera? Just isn’t adding up, is it? No, not really. Not if you’re smart.

12. Why, the second she saw the bald guy at the fashion show, didn’t she chase him out of there? Why? Because she wanted that interaction between him and Melissa to take place! She was waiting for it while relishing in her secret of what had already been filmed with him earlier. What would you have done if you knew some guy was on TV with the sole purpose of trying to humiliate someone you love? Would you wait for their interaction to take place or would you shut it down before it began and ask him to leave? This was not someone she was even friendly with. He was a stranger, right? The guy didn’t seem to respect Teresa earlier in the day, while lying trying to out her sister-in-law, did he? Actually, he seemed all too familiar and comfortable around Teresa for him to be talking the way he was about her family, especially after Teresa kindly asked him to not talk about them. (After he already did, OF COURSE). He wasn’t a Housewife, he wasn’t her friend, he had no business being at the Posche Fashion show. Didn’t he apologize once for offending Teresa for saying things in the first place? Why would he do it again? He did it because he was asked to do it. The bald guy said, (and I quote) “TERESA KNEW ABOUT THIS TOO.” And, “KIM AND TERESA WANT ME TO BLOW THE COVER ON MELISSA, because she plays the ‘holier than thou.’ THEY HAD ME DO THIS THING.” You know what “thing” he was talking about. GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! DON’T try to put that on me, Teresa, because you look like a FOOL!

13. My mutual friends with Teresa told me that Teresa knew TWO WEEKS PRIOR that this set up against Melissa was going to happen. WHAT? NO warning for Melissa??? As soon as I put all the pieces together and I knew that something bad was going on and that Melissa was the target, I was texting her to let her know. I didn’t know who the target was until I started getting texts on different details from a couple of mutual friends. It was not Kim G. as some of you think. She had absolutely NO part in this. Although I heard she was supposed to be there too. Mutual friends that you all wouldn’t know were texting me. I can’t expose them, because they are still friendly with Teresa.

14. Why was Teresa’s brother-in-law there when he never attended one of those fashion shows before? It seems to me as if she was expecting trouble? She stated earlier that the Posche fashion shows were always so much fun! (Usually because she starts the drama.) Where was her husband?

15. Why did Teresa’s brother-in-law hug Teresa after the drama and congratulate her after the confrontation telling her he was proud of her? Wouldn’t he be trying to fight the bald guy and be upset with Kim D. who set up her family instead of continuing to party with her? Weird, right?

16. ONCE AGAIN let’s not forget the incriminating evidence of this bald guy forgetting his mic was still on as he outed Teresa and Kim for knowing about it and asking him to do this thing to call out Melissa. He was bragging and laughing about it to his friend. He was proud that he carried out his orders and tried to humiliate Melissa! It was ALL CAUGHT ON TAPE, with subtitles in case you missed that! (But I’m sure you didn’t.) SHAME ON THEM!

Haters, you can keep on hating, but I KNOW you KNOW Teresa is just as guilty as the others, so spare me your irrational explanations on why you think she is innocent, puhlease! I’m not buying it! I’m very smart! (Even though I used the phrase “Teresa and I’s” in this episode) LOL! I have no idea WHY I said that, but it was pretty funny.

(Just a note – that had to be my favorite paragraph in Jacqueline’s blog.  Some of us are haters, others are irrational and she is very smart. OK, got it.)

BOTTOM LINE — The truth is Teresa never forgave her family for coming on the show. She STILL holds a grudge against ALL of them about it. She has held this grudge for the last two seasons. She HATED that fans were starting to like Melissa and that Melissa was treating her so nicely on camera. She thought Melissa was being fake (only because TERESA is fake herself, so she believes everyone else is). Teresa wanted to bring out something to make Melissa look bad so fans wouldn’t continue to like her. She also hated that Melissa’s relationship with her husband was MUCH greater, more genuine, and loving than Teresa’s relationship was with her juicy husband. She wanted to try to make everyone’s relationship with their husbands look as bad as hers. Anything that Teresa is guilty of, she tries to project that onto someone else. She will never take accountability for her wrong doings. To me, THAT’S A COWARD! Teresa is the most jealous, competitive person I have ever met and I am done, done, DONE!

If you want to know the facts about where I met my husband Chris, go to my website to read about our true story in my “About Me” section. Here is the link. Some of my texting you saw me doing on this episode was me flirting with my husband.

Thank you all once again for all of your love, tips and support regarding my son, Nicholas. I continue to learn so much everyday and I will continue to share what I learn with all of you. Love to all! XOXO!

So, there you have it.  With all of that information, I don’t know what she’ll have left to say during the reunion. 


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21 Responses to The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Strip Down Memory Lane

  1. dickens says:

    My brain is too scrambled right now to leave a coherent comment except to say that, as of now, Jac is my least “favorite” of them all.

  2. melthehound says:

    Well, Jacqueline doesn’t have an inch to talk. She could just as easily have warned MeGo since a ‘mutual’ friend (KimG – pissed about being thrown out of the Christmas party) had been texting her for 2 weeks about it. Nothing that woman says carries any weight, She can call me a hater all she likes because she’s right. I Hate Liars. Welcome, since I’ve never said it, Jac, to the long list of people who can just kiss my ass.

    Empress, Once again, I enjoy your unique way of putting it. Love the Inspector reference 🙂 I still look at this show for exactly what it’s intended to be. Entertainment. Sad, sick, yes, but entertainment none the less. I’ve chosen a side in this feud and have seen nothing to make me switch or even go neutral on it.

    • I don’t have a problem with picking sides – everyone sees these shows differently. Jacqueline’s version of “War and Peace” was, IMHO, an epic rant from someone who says she’s done and over it. Before my head slammed into the keycoard at about 1:30 this morning (far beyond my bedtime), I think I had counted over 50 uses of Teresa’s name. I do tend to get a little prickly when someone writes “puhlease” as a way of emphasizing how ignorant and ill-informed we all are. I’m glad she’s smart. Now she can show her grown daughter how to turn off a gas stove before she turns an L.A. apartment complex into a crater from the explosion.

  3. Vegas Chick says:

    I am in agreement with Jac’s point #11. Honestly, I’m glad it’s over and remain hopeful that RHONJ will somehow implode.

    • RHoNJ may very well implode. Please see my reply to mth upthread re: Ashlee and gas appliances.

    • misszippity says:

      Vegas, actually I disagree with that: let’s assume Teresa is innocent as charged by the vipers:
      just because this bald guy said Melissa had danced for him at a salon, why would Tre think he would show up at the fashion show? I would have been a little distressed but not nec. seen any future in his comments and probably blew it off since Joey is such a hothead and if Tre mentioned it, he would go off on her…..well, just like he did. When Baldy showed up, Tre looked absolutely nauseous and the wheels started turning in her head…..oh, crap, what is going on here? She looked pretty upset and Jaq just kept staring at her – she definitely knew something was up and took Melissa to the bathroom. It honestly appeared to me Teresa was confused and caught off guard. People see things differently: I thought Pete was congratulating her for getting through the evening w/ the vipers and not flipping a table or two, NOT congratulating her for being part of a set-up. He wouldn’t have been so obvious about it otherwise unless he wanted everyone to know “Teresa did it”…..Probably will never know the truth,
      BUT excellent insights and love your point of view and way of expressing it all.

  4. shamrock says:

    I have yet to watch this episode, but will probably try to watch it tonight – I don’t like any of these alleged ladies – not a one – the only ones who get a little sympathy from me are the children – and I do NOT mean the grown children – they are as pathetic as their parents – I hope Andy and his cameras leave Jersey and never ever come back –

    p.s. – for some reason, I am unable to see Lynn’s Place – my access to it has been banned here at work – not sure why – so – here I am – a little lost, but happy to be found! *hugs entire board really hard*

    • shamrock, You’re not lost, just a little off the beaten path. If you do watch, please do some yoga or a little meditation during the commercials. If that doesn’t help, our good friend Donna always suggests tin foil hats and she’s usually right. 🙂

  5. disgrazia4 says:

    Well, I hope the Blabbermouth’s head didn’t explode keeping the gossip for so long to herself for so long!! Poor little drama addict. What was it that Ashlee said about her as she threw her bambina on the Reality TV altar. How can she be believed when all of them have been revealed to be liars. But she should really know better than to call me, a viewer, a liar when she works for for the mother of all liars, Bravo TV. Dahling, didn’t your own mother tell you it’s difficult to win over people when you insult and berate them, and your own 30 shekels is dependent on their ratings. You wrote quite a bit, said not too much, and revealed much more about your own duplicity than you probably realized. I am not impressed.

    Empress, you are a marvel, and I hope you don’t mind that I quoted you on your brilliant first paragraph, citing you (of course) and linking your blog to my FB Group. Thank you for supplying some sanity to this goat rodeo. I don’t think I will watch the reunion. The thought brings on uncomfortable physical reactions in my abdominal region. Bravo and Andy and their cavalier profit making at the expense of family and friends…and worse, I am done with this show, done done done.

    • disgrazia4 says:

      ugh, the typos, I apologize 【ツ】

    • disgrazia, You are more than welcome to borrow anything you’d like at The Farm. I’m flattered that you even find it quote-worthy. I think I’ve made better plans for next Sunday night – I like The Amazing Race, Revenge, Dexter and Homeland. If I watch the reunion at all it will be after I enjoy some well-scripted television with award winning actors.
      BTW, typos are always forgiven on Mondays, especially after a finale over-produced and edited by Bravo. 🙂

  6. I laughed thru most of the episode…!!! It’s the frame of mind to have when viewing..just a sad sad comedy of other peoples lives…If only they took the amount of energy to hate on each other and used in a different way they all just might be able to find some happiness in their pitiful lives…
    I use my tried and true method with people….. dont come looking for lint in my belly button and I wont look for lint in yours….
    They all should head to Church and have a healthy and TRUTHFUL confession and a good act of contrition before it’s too late…

    • DD, ITA. At the beginning of the season, I wrote that these women had too much time on their hands. They should try doing volunteer work and maybe they’d have less energy for “lint looking”. A little soul searching and some time spent helping some people who need it would go a long way.

  7. When they all get thar cans kicked off Bravo I hope I get Joey Guidice’s glittery dresses, shoes and brars.

  8. Donna says:

    RHNJ my take

    The entire time Jac had a calm look, I’ve got a secret.

    Mel said where’s the bathroom, Teresa said she had to go to so she pointed the way.

    During the time in the bathroom Teresa always referred to him as that guy, the bald guy. Melissa told Joey his name is Angelo.

    Melissa didn’t want to approach him without her husband. So guess what Joey is coming to approach the guy. If he is 45 minutes away, how did he get there so fast?

    As for the Bravo cc’s I don’t trust them. Angelo said Johnny told him that Kim D and Teresa wanted to set Melissa up. That is 3rd party reporting.

    In a talking head, Melissa said Teresa was smiling ear to ear the whole time. Did anyone see her smile?

    Jac said she overheard the guy say it, next her friend overheard it and texted her, Teresa was standing next to the guy and her friend overheard it, her friend told her 2 weeks ago that Teresa was going to set Melissa up.

    Why was Pete there? My guess is Joe sent him there for Teresa, and/or the tweet that Jac said that was Joe cheating when it was really Pete and Sheila.

    Jac said she was helping Teresa? Helping how, by stirring the pot!

    Question. Melissa & Kathy drove alone to the PFS. OK when they went home all 4 were in one auto. How did Joey and Richie get there?

  9. Excellent summary of a totally unreal show Empress. I’m over the RHONJ, in fact I’m pretty much done with everything Bravo.

    The drama, fake/real/whatever it is a waste of my time. Bravo Andy is getting his kicks from watching women devolve into jackals. No thanks, I’m over contributing to Andy’s fortunes, & BravoTV. None of their shows are that great anymore.

    I’d rather watch Revenge & Walking Dead any day. Thank God before my head explodes from housewife overload, I have seen the light of switching the channel!

    Why don’t we send a loud message to Bravo and Andy? Don’t watch the finale. Watch it another time. You know it will be repeated ad nauseum….or just read an excellent recap. Your brain will thank you!

    • Well, bsf, I hope you’ll be happy to hear that I’ll be recapping Revenge. As you said, the reunion will shown over and over. I might have to chime in if for no other reason than it provides a reason to provide some snark. Other than that, you’re right – save those brain cells. 🙂

      • melthehound says:

        I’m glad you’re doing the Revenge recaps, Empress. Did you see the show recap that aired last night? Nothing new of course, just a review of all the past episodes.

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