I hope I make it through writing this post. I’m a bit older than Ramona, and Reid thinks she’s old, so I made it to my computer with the assistance of my walker. I have my Life Alert on a chain around my neck and I’ve taken some Ginkgo Biloba so I won’t forget what I’m writing about. I’m on the puny side, so at least I have that going for me. Anything over a size 2 is overweight to him and I just would hate it if he found me fat. I’d probably just wander out of my assisted living center in complete despair, wearing my muumuu, returning only for Bingo night.
Ramona and Sonja Googled the term “white trash”. Now that was one of the funniest things these two have ever done. Having done their research, they realized that they really had been insulted. The definition they found referenced the words “hillbilly” and “redneck”. Now, that’s not entirely correct, at least according to my very own experts. I did some research by consulting with a couple of young men who had stopped by The Farm this weekend to do a little work and have a couple of beers. According to them, and I have to consider them more familiar with these things than I am, being called “redneck” is actually a good thing, and they informed me that they call each other that with pride and affection. On the other hand, calling someone “white trash” is an invitation to a smackdown. So, whether Aviva realized it or not, she picked some real fighting words. If any of you have more information about these terms, I’m happy to hear it. I would hate it if I failed at “redneckology”.
Aviva did clarify how her arrival should have been celebrated. It wasn’t about a party or a red carpet. She wanted a banner that said “Welcome Aviva – You Did It – Rah Rah”. The banner should have been strung across the front of Ramona’s and Sonja’s double wide with some flowers planted in an old bathtub, you know, just to make it look all cheerful and pretty. Of course, she was screaming this while channeling Jack Nicholson, or as Kelly would have said, Al Sharpton, with “you can’t handle the truth”. Ramona said that she was going to be like Tom Cruise, all cool. Has Ramona seen Tom Cruise lately? Did she not see him on Oprah’s couch? At least we know what she meant.
The same problem that started this whole thing, the girls’ getaway gone awry, had escalated into a full-blown disaster. It didn’t help matter when Ramona, Sonja, Heather and LuAnn found out that they were not invited to a “couples” dinner. Reid, Aviva, Carole and Russ had made arrangements to dine without the rest of the women. When the women went to lunch together, Carole tried to invite the others as a way to smooth things over. It didn’t go over well, maybe because no one really wants to be invited to anything as an after thought or to placate them. I know I wouldn’t, but, then again, I don’t think I’d really care where they went as long as I could stay in a villa on St. Barths – all expenses paid. I’d even let little fish give me a pedicure if someone else was picking up the tab.
Aviva wanted to drill home the fact that she survived the flight and landing of the small plane. She went on and on about it so much that it finally broke Carole, who has her own, probably more appropriate, pain trigger when it comes to that. She left the table in tears, telling us in her talking head, that that was the one subject she wanted to avoid. I imagine that being on the island, at the same house where she had spent time with her husband must have brought on a flood of memories – good and bad. Not acknowledging, or perhaps, too self-absorbed to even recognize the fact that she had caused the tears, Aviva went to comfort Carole. They both decided to let those fish munch on their feet as a sign that all was forgiven. Heather confronted them during the pedicure to let them both know that she wasn’t any happier than the rest were about the couples dinner and being excluded. She walked away from them, making Carole find her and apologize. Heather looked as if she wanted nothing more than to just go home.
Their last night on the island was to be about a concert where Russ was performing. The group of women made it to dinner and all of them were to meet at a pier to watch his performance. Ramona and Sonja took a detour and went back to the house. Carole was rightfully angry and disappointed. When the rest of the group returned to the villa, it was obvious that Ramona and Sonja had put a serious dent in the liquor supply. Ramona was looking for a key and her passport, and Sonja was blow drying her breasts and other girly parts. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so unfunny. LuAnn said that Ramona can drink all day and Sonja can’t. That was obvious to all of us. There were other things about Sonja that were obvious, like her flirting with one of the house staff and the fact that she is either pantiless or flitting about wearing nothing but panties and a skimpy negligee. Her own comments about being old were telling, too. It’s as if she sees her youth and beauty, things she considers her best attributes, slipping away, and alcohol helps her to forget for a while.
The week ended with all of the women in the pool, in various states of undress. That should have been how that whole vacation went. Old ladies gone wild – it sure looked like fun to me, but what do I know. I’m still trying to find the publish button on this damn blog. P.S. LuAnn is still a two-faced, double-dealing player with no life. So there.
Here are the ladies’ blog, well, at least those that were available. I’ll post the rest as soon as they’re on Bravo’s site. Carole apologized for being late and Sonja is MIA. Maybe she’s still smarting from that Ana Nicole Smith remark Aviva threw at her.
My blog will be up in the morning. I was late. On a plane sorry guys. Check back tomorrow. Love you guys
Today is the 11th anniversary of 9/11. We will never forget…