The Real Housewives of New York City – Vacation, All I Never Wanted

I hope I make it through writing this post.  I’m a bit older than Ramona, and Reid thinks she’s old, so I made it to my computer with the assistance of my walker.  I have my Life Alert on a chain around my neck and I’ve taken some Ginkgo Biloba so I won’t forget what I’m writing about.  I’m on the puny side, so at least I have that going for me.   Anything over a size 2 is overweight to him and I just would hate it if he found me fat.   I’d probably just wander out of my assisted living center in complete despair, wearing my muumuu, returning only for Bingo night.

Ramona and Sonja Googled the term “white trash”.  Now that was one of the funniest things these two have ever done.  Having done their research, they realized that they really had been insulted.  The definition they found referenced the words “hillbilly” and “redneck”.    Now, that’s not entirely correct, at least according to my very own experts.   I did some research by consulting with a couple of young men who had stopped by The Farm this weekend to do a little work and have a couple of beers.  According to them, and I have to consider them more familiar with these things than I am, being called “redneck” is actually a good thing, and they informed me that they call each other that with pride and affection.  On the other hand, calling someone “white trash” is an invitation to a smackdown.   So, whether Aviva realized it or not, she picked  some real fighting words.  If any of you have more information about these terms, I’m happy to hear it.  I would hate it if I failed at “redneckology”.

Aviva did clarify how her arrival should have been celebrated.  It wasn’t about a party or a red carpet.  She wanted a banner that said “Welcome Aviva – You Did It – Rah Rah”.   The banner should have been strung across the front of Ramona’s and Sonja’s double wide with some flowers planted in an old bathtub, you know, just to make it look all cheerful and pretty.   Of course, she was screaming this while channeling Jack Nicholson, or as Kelly would have said, Al Sharpton, with “you can’t handle the truth”.  Ramona said that she was going to be like Tom Cruise, all cool.  Has Ramona seen Tom Cruise lately?  Did she not see him on Oprah’s couch?  At least we know what she meant.

The same problem that started this whole thing, the girls’ getaway gone awry, had escalated into a full-blown disaster.  It didn’t help matter when Ramona, Sonja, Heather and LuAnn found out that they were not invited to a “couples” dinner.  Reid, Aviva, Carole and Russ had made arrangements to dine without the rest of the women.   When the women went to lunch together, Carole tried to invite the others as a way to smooth things over.   It didn’t go over well, maybe because no one really wants to be invited to anything as an after thought or to placate them.  I know I wouldn’t, but, then again, I don’t think I’d really care where they went as long as I could stay in a villa on St. Barths – all expenses paid.  I’d even let little fish give me a pedicure if someone else was picking up the tab.

Aviva wanted to drill home the fact that she survived the flight and landing of the small plane.  She went on and on about it so much that it finally broke Carole, who has her own, probably more appropriate, pain trigger when it comes to that.  She left the table in tears, telling us in her talking head, that that was the one subject she wanted to avoid.  I imagine that being on the island, at the same house where she had spent time with her husband must have brought on a flood of memories – good and bad.   Not acknowledging, or perhaps, too self-absorbed to even recognize the fact that she had caused the tears, Aviva went to comfort Carole.  They both decided to let those fish munch on their feet as a sign that all was forgiven.  Heather confronted them during the pedicure to let them both know that she wasn’t any happier than the rest were about the couples dinner and being excluded.  She walked away from them, making Carole find her and apologize.  Heather looked as if she wanted nothing more than to just go home.

Their last night on the island was to be about a concert where Russ was performing.  The group of women made it to dinner and all of them were to meet at a pier to watch his performance.  Ramona and Sonja took a detour and went back to the house.   Carole was rightfully angry and disappointed.  When the rest of the group returned to the villa, it was obvious that Ramona and Sonja had put a serious dent in the liquor supply.  Ramona was looking for a key and her passport, and Sonja was blow drying her breasts and other girly parts.  It would have been funny if it wasn’t so unfunny.   LuAnn said that Ramona can drink all day and Sonja can’t.  That was obvious to all of us.   There were other things about Sonja that were obvious, like her flirting with one of the house staff and the fact that she is either pantiless or flitting about wearing nothing but panties and a skimpy negligee.     Her own comments about being old were telling, too.  It’s as if she sees her youth and beauty, things she considers her best attributes, slipping away, and  alcohol helps her to forget for a while.

The week ended with all of the women in the pool, in various states of undress.  That should have been how that whole vacation went.  Old ladies gone wild – it sure looked like fun to me, but what do I know.  I’m still trying to find the publish button on this damn blog.  P.S. LuAnn is still a two-faced, double-dealing player with no life. So there.

Here are the ladies’ blog, well, at least those that were available.  I’ll post the rest as soon as they’re on Bravo’s site. Carole apologized for being late and Sonja is MIA.  Maybe she’s still smarting from that Ana Nicole Smith remark Aviva threw at her.

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43 Responses to The Real Housewives of New York City – Vacation, All I Never Wanted

  1. SweeetBea says:

    Oh, Empress!! Absolutely hilarious recap from begining to end!

  2. dickens says:

    So glad you remembered where the publish button was! Your care-givers can put you to bed now. Sleep tight. 🙂

  3. Angel says:

    I am fed up with Aviva. She is not a nice person driven to name calling from provocation. She is a down right bitch with a bastard husband. Who plays on a moving manure conveyor-how more ignorant, redneck, white trash can you get than that!!!

  4. misszippity says:

    Great recap, but…..not really sure if Carole had the right to be upset w/ Ramona and Sonja for ditching Russ’s concert when the two couples ditched the other 4 ladies for a “couples dinner” – as if it is okay for Carole to invite her friends as an after thought to her private dinner, but not okay for R&S to skip the concert for something else?? Carole was pissed because it involved HER GUY but probably wouldn’t have cared if it had been someone else’s guy. Yeah, I personally would have thought it was rude if I hadn’t gone, but that’s my strict upbringing w/ great attention to manners speaking. When I travel w/ gal pals, we have an understanding that we plan things together but no one gets upset if someone wants to do something else occ. and then goes off to do it – the purpose is for each person to enjoy themselves, not control all the others.

    • Carole was all over the place during this trip. She said that it was easier to be aboard a C130 over Afghanistan than it was to be with these women. Now I’m thinking she was only half kidding. You’re probably right in that what she was most upset about was that R&S were disrespectful to Russ by not attending his concert. I don’t know if she would have even cared if he wasn’t in the picture.

      • Vegas Chick says:

        I agree but think it’s only part of it. The small plane convo wasn’t really the catalyst. She said that she was at the same restaurant where the ladies were having lunch with Anthony. I don’t know how she really held it together because I would have lost it too. She must have had a ton of emotions that she kept surpressing throughout the trip so when they ditched Russ’ concert, it hit her and she finally let a little of what was going on with her come out. I can’t imagine how she felt and feel the audience is being really hard on her considering. Aviva may have gotten up to go after her, but she was still being DivaAviva. No one else even cared enough to think about anything but themselves – bunch of megalomaniacs . Carole is still the bomb in my book.

      • Becky Grey says:

        That being said, R&S should have gone out of respect of the hostess. That was one of the reasons that they were going to St. Bart. Though Carole should have been disappointed but to be upset was a bit insensitive. R&S had been berated by Aivia and to spend their last day on the island with Aivia the downer (especially after Aivia had just scolded Sonja again!) would then allow Avia to spoil the entire trip for them. I would have said my apologies to Carol before and send my love and apologies to Russ. After the concert, if necessary I would tell her that I just wanted to enjoy the last day without Aivias persisting condensation.

  5. Tracyshea says:

    I was a bit unhappy with Carole last night. She was the hostess and she allowed this double date. And it seemed like she planned it. She knew how things were going with the group. Why add more fuel to the fire? It seemed like Carole’s big thing was spending time with Russ. That is great! More power to her but I think she might have been happier NOT going with the group. Of course Bravo paid..blah blah.
    Aviva is a nasty self important mean girl! Remember in the beginning of the season how she wanted to be with the cool girls? I think that may be very telling about her insecurities.

    Loved the episode. But please do not bring Aviva back!

  6. Mrs. Noogent says:

    Great recap, you really nailed it!

  7. Flowers (preferably plastic) in an old toilet on the porch or in the front yard are much more prestigious than flowers in a bathtub. Oh, and having a broken down washing machine or refrigerator on the front porch is a must. And don’t forget the old car being worked on in the side yard, with another broken down car there for parts. 🙂

  8. Well Chit.. If all else fails..the gals can audition to be STARS of this production…LOL LOL LOL

    Enjoy…pure White Trash…hahahahahaha

  9. thedesigndiva2 says:

    WAIT !! I found the better trailer trash one…. This is a web series and YES…I did in fact watch all of them..they were comical for sure…..

  10. FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

    Another wonderful, spot on blog, Empress! Now, if I could only find some white paint for the used tires I need to bury standing up half way, and the marigold seeds to plant in the middle of the openings……

    • FLG… and dont forget..used tollet seats to play horseshoes with !!!! I’ll bring mine to the next BBQ … LOL

    • Hi, FLG. I may actually be able to help you with those items and add some more used tires – I have an assortment of sizes, tractor, truck and trailer. Just let me know, OK? Perhaps you could create a border for your front walk. 😉

      • catmom1 says:

        Don’t forget the couch on the front porch.

      • FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

        Empress and Diva: ROFLMAO! How about I make us a super-sized horseshoe pit with all of Empress’s biggest tires (I’ll find those darned marigold seeds) and we can fling Diva’s biggest wooden horseshoes all over the place. Diva, if you make sure that all of those toilet seats are white, they’ll match the tires, once I’ve finished paintin’ ’em all up purty!

        • FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

          After all, Mr. Tigre won’t be pleased if it looks tacky…… :LOL:

        • LuAnn is smiling right now. She found a castmate who could deflect our attention off of her own brand of snobbery and joolry. In her honor, I’ll put some of my tires aside to make her a lovely pendant.

          • FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

            I’ll happily donate the chain for the pendant. 😉

            • FLG…I have some left over ‘anchor’ chain i can donate to the cause !!!

              Home from a semi B O R I N G day at the “office”… Actually helped to capture a burglary suspect today…So EXCITING !!!!
              Was standing outside having a smoke when this guy POPPED around the corner of the building.. Our towns super wal mart is behind our building…
              He was filthy dirty and I could tell he was higher than a kite… He asked if he could use the phone and I politely told him no that it was a business phone and I was waiting for a call, which I was… Something about him gave me the HEEBIE JEEBIES….so he went into the leather store two doors down …. SOOOO… I go back inside and then 2 cops show up and talk to the kid outside holding the sign.. They leave..I go out and ask the kid what did they want..and of course they are LOOKING FOR THIS GUY for burglary in the wal mart parking lot…I asked the kid..did you tell them he went into the leather store ?/ UMMMMM no I forgot… was like 5 minutes ago !!!..what a dip shit…
              So just then here the guy comes out of the store.. crossing the highway acting all kinds of squirrely looking around like he’s checking to see if any cops are around..he goes across the street to a dumpster and tries to cover himself up with cardboard..Sorry this point I cant help but laugh outloud… So we call 911 and WHAP…4 cop cars… the guy starts to run..IDIOT… they fling him around and he acts all kinds of dumb..UH WAT DID I DO OCCIFER ??? the cop yells at him..put your effing hands on the hood of the car and spread your legs….So after going thru all his pockets and putting what they found in plastic bag..they loaded him up and took him to county for 3 hots and a cot…. A few people had gathered to watch all this taking place. and this short heavy set lady in a colorful moooomoooo says…now thats there some “white trash ”
              OMG..I had a mouthful of lemon tea that just came spewing out my mouth when she said that…I kinda laughed at her and asked her if she was KIN to Aviva….. she just gave me that WTF look…I told her it was a long story ….. and laughed and went back to the “office”…
              So that was my tuesday…!!! whoop whoop….
              Hope Wed is just as much fun !!!!!


              • FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

                Oh, Diva, you are a priceless gem. I would have spewed my iced tea right with you! I’m happy to know about your spare anchor chain…..that’s exactly what I had in mind for LooAnn’s neck. The chain has to be the right scale to go with Empress’s tire pendant. We might need your extra, because I don’t have any clasps for the anchor chain so it will have to be long enough to fit over LooAnn’s head….. 😉 😉

              • And you were worried that it would be boring. Thanks for the offer of the chain. I can’t wait to see the Countess in our designs.

              • Vegas Chick says:

                Holy crap… shame that you didn’t catch on video. Stupid me would have thought he was homeless and given him five bucks, lol.

                • Vegaschick…. I wont give any of our homeless people here money..Food !! YES…. Blankets and clothes YES …. with the money they buy $8.00 pack of smokes and booze..or roxies…..
                  When I worked at the burger barn I would give away food to some of the areas hungry folks…The bosses didnt like it but I told them , that sometimes, one must give to receive..

                  We have to keep our eyes open where we work…. There is a gold buying place next dr and we both have large amounts of cash on us….So always on our toes…I keep the back dr locked AT ALL TIMES… Told the guy next dr what I dont care if the person knocking tells me they are the second coming of Jesus…he’ll have to go around and use the front dr…
                  Happy Hump Day All…

                  Hugs and Peace

  11. Donna says:

    I haven’t been watching NY but I enjoy reading the blogs, thanks for the ROFLMAO

  12. windycitywondering1 says:

    Everybody knows (in my best Pheadra voice) that you stand the bathtub upright, bury it half way up, put a statue of the Virgin Mary in it and then plant plastic flowers around it!
    Seriously, a WASP calling someone WHITE TRASH is a slur and reference to class distinction made only to make one’s self feel superior. Aviva proved that any label other than a designer’s label is a reflection of a borish, classless and insecure character.
    Empress you nailed this episode – many masks came off and a great deal of ugly was revealed.

    • catmom1 says:

      Excellent points. Great blog Empress.

    • wcw, Both Reid and Aviva insulted most of the people in the country with their offhanded and snobby remarks. You’re right. There are Aviva and Reid, and then there are the rest of us. She can’t write enough blogs offering apologies to fix this PR nightmare.

  13. FLG (Mr. Tigre's Butler) says:

    Somehow, Aviva’s apology blog this week struck me as being just about as sincere as last week’s Rush Limbaugh apology blog.

  14. klmh says:

    Laughing out loud reading this one Empress. Tx

  15. If you haven’t read this, well, you really should. This is a terrific post by a very funny blogger, giving Aviva more that just a piece of her mind. Enjoy!

    • melthehound says:

      Real Old Fat White Trash Housewife

      She forgot, Gone Wild 😆

      Bottom line is Aviva threw a 3yo temper tantrum when she didn’t get her exact way and now she’s probably surprised at the backlash.

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