The Gorga and Giudice children went back to school and it Milania’s first day of kindergarten.   Juicy had put her name tag inside of her lunchbox and there was some concern that the teachers wouldn’t know her name.  I’m pretty sure that, by the end of that day, her name was burned into their brains, and it might take them a long time to try to forget her.  Since this was filmed a year ago, she’s probably already calling the principal an old troll, has commandeered the cafeteria making sure that they serve pizza and has formed a gang which rules the playground while selling Birkin bags out of the back of a truck.   Going along with the theme of education, Victoria Wakile and her family toured the University of Maryland.   Rich Wakile should not be touring any college campuses, nor should he be allowed anywhere near our Nation’s Capitol.  The family did seem a bit confused between the Capitol building and the White House.  Milania would have known the difference, but she’s 6 going on 35 and she may already be eying the White House – not so she can be President, but as a fixer upper that she can flip for cash.

Caroline was given a guest shot at SiriusXM radio to talk about – oh my word – families, raising children and friendships.  Of course, her children, and husband Al, tagged along.  Albie, Chris and Lauren really don’t have anything else to do and Big Al looked like he wanted to take a nap, just like he did in Napa.  Caroline said that she couldn’t understand why people would want to hear anything she had to say because she’s “just Caroline”, and that there’s “nothing special going on here”.  She said it, I didn’t, but I think we all nodded out heads in weary agreement.   Now, if only she really believed that.   She introduced herself and the rest of the Manzo’s and waited for the phones to ring, and waited and waited.    When a couple of calls finally did come in, one caller asked about her relationship with her sister, Dina.  Her answer wasn’t even worth the breath it took to respond.  They’re a big family, they love each other, they have their differences – okay, but it still didn’t tell anyone what the problem is.   We know that it’s Teresa who caused the rift.  The family that’s thick as thieves is falling apart because Teresa is that powerful, and Dina is simply to weak to fight the force.

Teresa was having a party to introduce her Fabellini line of cocktails and Dina was invited.  Neither Jacqueline nor Caroline were.   On her way in, Dina fell off of her silly shoes and was nearly decapitated by the sign at the step and repeat.  Even that couldn’t deter her, as she recovered and strolled on over to greet Teresa with a kiss.  The two discussed the problems Teresa was having with Caroline, you know, cookbook-gate,  much of which Dina laughed off as ridiculous reasons to hold a grudge.  Most of us agree with Dina, and we’re still waiting, just like that radio show caller, for the real reason – like Punta Cana, maybe.

There are a few things that were wrong with this episode.  First, if I’m correctly reading what is being put out on the internet, the Fabellini party took place after the annual Posche fashion show.   This wouldn’t be the first time that Bravo not only took words and scenes out of context with their own special style of editing, but timelines have become problematic as well.  It’s more manipulation of viewers and a real sign that the network isn’t even trying to keep up the ruse of a “reality” show.   As long as we’re willing pawns, I guess we really can’t complain, so I’m going to try to treat it as if we’re now all in on the joke.

The other problems with this episode came not from the show itself, but from other things that were going on during the past few days.  We’re all aware that the Reunion was taped on Friday and that it lasted 10 hours.  Housewives, Househusbands, Houseoffspring, etc. were all in attendance.   The aimless Manzo children were tweeting up a storm,  sending off picture of themselves with Andy’s question cards.  Lauren was sending tweets about how she wasn’t feeling well and was laying in bed with her Mom.   First, there are situations when “bed” and “lay” could be used correctly but this wasn’t one of them.  Secondly, having seen Caroline’s very orange look from the Reunion, I think Lauren may have inhaled too much of the spray tan fumes and had a case of the vapors.   Rich Wakile, Chris Laurita and Joe Gorga also tweeted pictures of themselves, with Joey trying to look taller by standing on a window ledge.  Joe Giudice wasn’t in that picture.

Jacqueline showed up for the Reunion.  We don’t know if she stayed awake through the whole thing or fell asleep in Melissa’s lap.  She tweeted that it was difficult and that she became emotional, sos much so that a member of Bravo’s staff had to give her a Xanax.  She said, a few minutes later, that she was joking about that, but I don’t think any of us would be surprised if Bravo had their own pharmacy just full of anti-anxiety medications.

A very odd and interesting thing happened on Twitter Saturday night.  Chris Laurita suddenly started an account.  It showed up around 7PM and by midnight, he had 20,000+ followers – 4,000 an hour.  Not bad if you believe it.  Watching the numbers multiply exponentially during the evening and beyond caused more than a few people to begin to question their legitimacy.  Jacqueline said that they weren’t purchased followers, but were real numbers.  They were real numbers, but there were more than a few that didn’t look like real people.  Caroline jumped in to tweet that Chris’ tremendous following was the result of his big “baby blues”.  Yep, I’m buying that.   What I pictured was Jacqueline, in her jammies, with a glass – no,  a bottle – of wine and a credit card, ordering up 1,000s of eggs for her dear husband.

We won’t see the blood bath known as the Reunion for a while, but it doesn’t sound like it went well or that much has really changed among this group.  Bravo wanted us to hear the cell phone call between Juicy and whoever, in case we hadn’t heard it the first dozen times it played.  When the Reunion was finally over, Andy tweeted that he needed a drink.  Probably all of us will.  The voice of reason during this episode was Joe Giudice.  The only couple to tweet a picture of themselves together during the taping of the Reunion were Juicy and Teresa.  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  Oh, and Melissa shouldn’t make banana bread.  I thought it was meatloaf.  It must have been one of those  controversial family recipes.

Programming note:  Jacqueline will be appearing on Anderson Cooper on Tuesday, September 11, to discuss autism.

Empress