There’s a setting you can use on a WordPress blog site that allows you to rate the content, just like the MPAA does for movies. Thanks to Bravo and the Housewives, I’ve moved it all the way up to an X rating. The title for this episode was decided on by Bravo, so don’t blame me. That wouldn’t have been my choice. I think I would have called it “There Isn’t Enough Xanax on St. Barths”. All I could think was that this was such a waste of a beautiful island retreat. I’m sure that a lot of us would have given our right arms – sorry Aviva – for a getaway like that, and probably wouldn’t have spent our time trying to destroy each other. I was exhausted just watching them, so that island is looking damn good to me right now – now that the Housewives have departed.
Everybody had an agenda during this episode. Ramona was trying to get the Captain Jack Sparrow guy to admit that he spent the night with LuAnn and Sonja was trying to get him to do the same with her as he’d done with LuAnn. I know that they kept comparing him to Johhny Depp, but I’m pretty sure that if he’d looked like Edward Scissorhands he might not have seen as much action as he did. Anyway, Sonja did have her own encounter with the island gigolo which, according to Carole, was something that was once “illegal in 37 States”. She described it even more succinctly than that, and for that I thank her, because I won’t have to write anymore about it here. He did manage to dodge the answer to the big question that Ramona had tried to waterboard out of him and the Countess was allowed to play coy for another evening.
Of course, the bigger and more anticipated part of this episode was the plane ride and arrival of Aviva and Reid. Aviva did tell us, again, that she was caught in a conveyor belt and lost her foot. I think I’ve got it now, and won’t forget before next week. She white-knuckled it out on the 10 seater plane with her husband clutching her hand and her head and her shoulder. She listened to Chaka Khan to keep her mind off of the ordeal. She must have been playing “Tell Me Something Good”, because she managed to land without having a complete meltdown. She saved that for the villa.
Now this was the part that threw me into an anxiety attack. Reid and Aviva greeted the women, who were either poolside, or in Ramon’s and Sonja’s case, swimming topless in the pool. It was a stunt by the dynamic duo. They knew when Aviva and her husband were coming and they could at least have put their tops on and dried off. Hollering “we’re naked and we can’t come out” wasn’t just passive aggressive, it was a statement. It was meant to tell the couple that the presence of Reid was not only an inconvenience for their “girls” getaway, but he was not going to be tolerated there at all. Anal intercourse is one thing – husbands are taboo.
Of course, this escalated into another war. LuAnn jumped right on in, making sure that Aviva was aware of the conversation that the women had regarding how to get Reid to go to a hotel. She probably wanted to deflect the issue of her own little escapade by stirring the pot in a counter-clockwise direction. It worked. Aviva was off to the races. She blew up at Sonja and Ramona, telling them that they were terrible friends. Actually, what she did sounded like a scolding to me, and it wasn’t the first time she’d dome that with Ramona and Sonja. She expected that they were all going to roll out the red carpet, throw a party, kiss her ring and give Reid a medal for getting his wife to St. Barths. Oh, and yea, they’re “white trash”. I think when you hold degrees in language and the law, you might have a better grasp and a wider choice of words at the ready. That wasn’t a very wise decision and it didn’t sound very smart or nice.
Carole tried to act as intermediary, again, while LuAnn drifted around from room to room, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. I think she even licked her paws and groomed herself a bit. Then Sonja decided that she would smooth things over with Aviva and tried to make peace by offering an apology, an explanation and a hug. That didn’t work very well, or for very long and Sonja dissolved into tears with Ramona as a sounding board, while she let her anger boil over. A perfect setting for a group dinner if ever there was one. Aviva was still loaded for bear when they arrived and started on Ramona before they even sat down. Ramona was unhappy with the seating arrangements and Aviva wanted to make an issue out of it. It seemed as if everything was an issue with her. She said as much when she made the statement that she’s relentless. Carole tried to tell her that that isn’t a good character trait, but it was too late and it went unheeded by Aviva. Maybe she just didn’t care.
It looked as if Aviva came to St. Barths, with her husband in tow, to settle some scores. She hadn’t really forgiven Sonja and Ramona for their excuses for not coming to her charity event. She made things so much worse than they needed to be and, for some reason, I think LuAnn had a big hand in this. She’s done this type of thing in the past. She’s always enjoyed watching the aftermath and bloody battles when she’s been whispering things in people’s ears or just jumping right in with both feet. She did it with Jill and Bethenny and, although she may not have been on Scary Island, she certainly made sure that Kelly was even more ill at ease before that trip even started. Here’s a tweet. You can make what you want of it.
@CountessLuAnn for the info! Xo
Aviva has to cut it out, too. I’ve already written about what I think some of her problems are, and, just maybe, she’s seen what she looks and sounds like on the show now and has learned to take a deep breath. It’s going to be hard to keep giving her any leeway if she keeps trying to be the one in control over this very out of control group of women. She said, in her talking head, that her “white trash” remark was a poor choice of words, in the same way Rush Limbaugh’s use of “whore” was when he talked about that student. I cringed a little at that one. Comparing herself to Rush Limbaugh and his ridiculous non-apology isn’t going to win many people over to her side. In the end, it wasn’t Reid who changed the dynamic of the group. Sadly, it was his wife. Perhaps she realizes that now. There’s still another week on that island and I think we’re going to need more Xanax.
The only blog posted on Bravo at this moment is Aviva’s. So here it is. When the others post, I’ll add them.
Carole and Sonja have posted their blogs. We’re still waiting on LuAnn…
Okay, these women should have a deadline. Here are Heather’s and LuAnn’s blogs. Ramona must be writing the great American novel.
Finally, Ramona has written her blog.