The Real Housewives of New York City – This Party is Toast

I’m going to type really fast to get through the icky parts of this episode.   Carole held a little dinner party she called the White Elephant Party – her version of a holiday gathering.  America’s sweetheart, George, was there and the guests exchanged Secret Santa gifts.  One of the gifts was a wine coaster which George said was a cock ring.  I think that only things large enough about George to need something that size are his ego and imagination.   Carole received a lizard which George said was a clitoris lizard, and Reid’s surprise was a ball gag.  Reid wore it on his forehead.   George should not attend any dinner where anyone other than his daughter and son-in-law are present.  The second thing I will get out of the way quickly was that Sonja showed up for her photo shoot and announced to everyone within earshot that it was her time of the month – and that she wanted a male assistant to fetch a tampon for her.  That’s it.  I finished that paragraph and I’m not proud of it.

Sonja was late for her toaster oven photo shoot.  Heather wasn’t happy because she’s a busy, busy woman and, in case you haven’t heard, everyone was working for free.  Okay, it’s always rude to be late.  To me it means that the people who are waiting for you don’t matter.  Having gotten that out of the way, Heather and her circle of experts were still pushing the naked guy holding the toaster oven idea.  There are a lot of male models in New York City, but, I have to tell you, I thought that this one should have been working for free.  I wouldn’t have bought a calendar featuring  this guy and his weird pecs, never mind a toaster oven.  I have to go off on a little tangent here about toaster ovens.  Are there still a lot of people buying these things anymore?  I want Sonja to be successful with her toaster oven venture, but I the last one I owned was when I was single and lived in a tiny apartment.  I made a lot of tuna melts with it.  Now that I think about it, I don’t even remember what was on the box – maybe a picture of it with some description of the features.  A half-naked model wouldn’t have determined my purchase, so I’m glad Sonja wanted to go with the photo featuring only her and the oven.  She photographs beautifully, by the way.

Carole had the ladies over to her apartment for lunch, to announce that she’d finished her book and to invite them all to St. Barts.  When more than two things are on the agenda, the ladies get confused and start to go a little crazy.    Carole offered to order pizza for lunch which went over like a lead balloon, or like LuAnn’s earrings.  She did have a bowl of personalized M&M’s with Sonja’s, Ramona’s and Heather’s businesses on them.  I didn’t hear anyone mention LuAnn or Aviva on those candies, but, then again, they don’t have businesses, or do anything that resembles work.    Aviva is hesitant about going to the island without Reid.  She also says that she’ll miss her kids.  LuAnn, who does know more than a little something about leaving one’s kids, tells her that it gets easier each and every time you do it.  So now we know what the Countess is good at and we know how well it’s working.  Aviva has more excuses for not going.  It’s a little island and it means that she’ll be on a big plane and a little plane and there’s water around and there are little boats.  The list of her phobias seems endless.  We all have fears.  Many of us have survived traumatic events.  This is a lot, though, and it all seems to have much more control over Aviva’s life than it should.  I hope she can find a way to move forward and live without some of those issues making decisions for her.

There was another party for the introduction of Ramona’s new red wine along with two magazines featuring her on their covers.   They were very air-brushed photos and some of the women thought that she looked more like Avery.  It’s never going to happen, but if some magazine wants to airbrush me to the point I look like a seventeen year old girl, I’m in.   I’ll wallpaper my entire house with that magazine.   Ramona was upset that Heather didn’t invite her to Sonja’s photo shoot.  She went all Ramonacoaster on Heather and then tried to drag Sonja into the middle of the argument.   Ramona makes me laugh and, normally, I just shake my head and watch her go into her crazy-eyed rants and forget about it.  This time I thought she needed to sim-mah-down-now.    She’d already given Sonja the help she needed and Sonja handled the photo session very well without her friend.  This seemed to be more about Ramona really disliking Heather than it did about her friend’s toaster oven pictures.

Okay, there’s still another party, this time at the home of a friend of Sonja’s.    Aviva thought this was the perfect opportunity to bring up the very old and very tired “let’s make a fool of Ramona” wine game with LuAnn and Jacques.  LuAnn tut-tutted Aviva’s criticisms as only a Countess can tut-tut.  I thought it also required a dismissive wave of the hand but what do I know, I’m no Countess.  Jacques took refuge from the discussion by playing the piano.  LuAnn and Jacques took their leave of the party which freed up the rest of the group to start discussing the couple.  It’s become an international incident, apparently, because even Jacques’ nationality and accent were questioned.  He can’t even pronounce jacuzzi for heaven’s sake.  If that isn’t proof that he isn’t really French, then I don’t what it is.

Everyone was on one side or the other or both, and the battles multiplied.  There were spies and double agents.  Ramona was eavesdropping on Heather.   Heather was eavesdropping on everyone else.  Heather was mad because they were talking about LuAnn and Jacques behind their backs.  Ramona was mad because Heather talks behind her back and lies.  Heather told Mario is wife is crazy.  Aviva told Heather that you can’t tell a man his wife is crazy.   She’s right. Mario already knows it and doesn’t need to be reminded.  It’s all more than a mere viewer, such as myself, can figure out.   Maybe Jacques is a spy. Maybe Homeland Security should look into all of these problems.   They should all be photographed, fingerprinted and investigated.  They are a real threat, not only to our country’s image, but, as soon as they arrive in St. Barts, we’re going to look like fools all over again.  There’s going to be a very little plane full of crazy coming at them.  Islands and New York Housewives haven’t worked out very well.

By the way, LuAnn actually was funny when she said that Ramona might be drinking her Pinot profits – typical mean LuAnn, but funny.  Avery was sweet with Ramona when they were trying to do yoga while Ramona just kept talking.  She knows and understands her Mom, that’s for sure.  I was also wondering why Heather insists on wearing t-shirts with glittery little messages on them.  I thought girls in junior high wore those. Maybe I just answered my own question.

Now where is Carole’s blog?   Carole Radziwill@CaroleRadziwill

Hey guys…tweet to @BravoAndy about getting my blog up by 10pm. I sent it to them at 7pm. FIgure it out. Trend #whereisradzisblog??

When I see it, I’ll bring it over.

Here’s Aviva’s blog.  It’s a little, uh,  different and she’s been tweeting about it all day.

Bravo has finally gifted us with Carole’s blog.  She cleared up the M&M confusion.  Aviva and LuAnn did have their own – with a nod to the Countess’ smash hit, Chic, C’est la Vie.  Carole didn’t strike me as the type to not include everyone.


This entry was posted in BravoTV, Real Housewives of New York City and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Real Housewives of New York City – This Party is Toast

  1. nohausfrau says:

    Empress as always you’ve hit the nail on the head. George is not fit to be in polite company. Ramona was irritating as hell last night. I’m not liking her much this season. Sonja has this entitled thing that is also irritating and TMI on the time of the month crap.

    I know I’m in the minority on most of the blogs but I’m on Heather’s side on ToasterOvenGate. She was doing Sonja a favor. Sonja was not her client or customer. Sonja, you get what you pay for and you paid for nothing. Being late to the shoot was just plain arrogant.

    The toaster oven idea isn’t going to fly. Those of us who use them already have one and could care less about buying a Bravocelebrity endorsed one. I use mine in the summer so I don’t have to heat the oven. I would probably consider buying a cookbook especially if the recipes were designed for one or two person households. That could be sucessful.

    Who cares what’s on the box? You buy an appliance usually by cost and by manufacturer that you’ve had sucess with in the past (or that has a good reputation). The only time I think about the box is trying to figure out how to get it in the recycling bin. A half naked man on it doesn’t make a bit of difference one way or another.

    I haven’t finished watching the episode as I decided I’d rather go to bed then finish it. I’m kind of feeling that way about all the housewives shows these days. I’ve been one of those superfans who has watched every episode of every franchise at least once (except the Miami one where they killed the pig–I couldn’t finish that one). From reading the blogs, I don’t think I’m in the minority.

    • You’re right that Sonja could have been more receptive to and thankful for Heather’s help – the woman does own a very successful company. Sonja seems to be trapped in her Lady Morgan society days. I don’t know why, but I feel sorry for her, so I give her the benefit of the doubt – probably more than she deserves. She looks lost and sad to me. Given that, I thought Heather’s favor was turning into some sort of “you owe me” routine. Yep, no good turn goes unpunished and Sonja, with her sidekick Ramona, can be punishing. Both of them also think that things are owed them, so the whole business arrangement with Heather ended up being a bad decision.
      Thank you for your toaster oven comments – “The only time I think about the box is trying to figure out how to get it in the recycling bin” – a cookbook would have been a much better idea.
      The second half of the episode was more fighting about nothing, while embarrassing Carole, who was kind enough to invite them to her friend’s home. I hope that I just saved you from wasting a half hour on worthless nonsense. 🙂

  2. Donna says:

    I haven’t been watch NY. After reading the blogs I am not one bit sorry. Bravo forgets that people have problems in real life and television is a means of escape. I have no desire to watch a bunch of females argue like they are on the Jerry Springer show. I prefer to watch people getting along, something to make me smile.

  3. Jo says:

    Hi Empress, I really enjoy reading your “reviews”. They are a lot of fun….You wrote: “Heather told Mario is wife is crazy. Aviva told Heather that you can’t tell a man his wife is crazy. She’s right. Mario already knows it and doesn’t need to be reminded. ” LOL…Sooooo true! – someone needs to shake some sense into Aviva who is obviously comfortable catering to dysfunctional people. I really like Heather and often feel as though she is the normal one of the bunch – yes, she’s far from perfect and her shirt reading “drop dead gorgeous” was innappropriate and passive aggressive, but I believe that she has a good heart, tried to help Sonia and Sonia thanked her by acting like a selfish, narcissistic creep during the meetings and photo shoot, giving her zero credit and then gossiping about her after the fact! I thought that Sonia was going to maul James when he got there and she kept talking about her period with the men and having them in the dressing room w/her..She really acted like a disgusting pig. Even still, Heather handled herself so professionally in my opinion.

    • Hi Jo, It’s nice to hear that you’re enjoying the blog. Your take on Sonja and Heather makes me smile. I always love to hear how other viewers see these episodes – different eyes, different POVs. Thanks for giving me something to think about. 🙂

  4. Good work Empress..BUT… I find myself wanting to watch marathons of Lizard Lick Towing than these people….. LOL
    RIP HORSHACK…. He passed away yesterday a.m. @ his Palm Beach Gardens home..Heart attack..Mr fords cardio dr was in ER when he was brought in…
    RIP Russell Armstrong..I am sure TIT will make this day ALL ABOUT HER !!!!!!

    • Hi dd, I see that Taylor finally worked out an arrangement with Russell’s family re: his ashes. Kind of makes you angry and sad at the same time. OMG, Bravo, send her away! Good wishes to you, Mr. Ford and PITA.

  5. Boycotting the shows, but not the blogs says:

    Thanks for the re-cap. I live in Canada so the Housewife shows aren’t shown here at the same time – they show months later, so I depend on the blogs to keep me up to date. I must say that Luann irritates the sh*t out of me. She really needs to go away (just as Jill Zarin did). We should not be rewarding such horrible people with huge paychecks. In the words of Alex McCord, Luann is a MEAN GIRL! Money, fame, television exposure certainly CANNOT buy this woman class!

    Keep up the good work!

    • Thank you for reading and for your comment. I don’t know how LuAnn isn’t irritated by LuAnn. I love your name and I’m glad I’m not included in your boycott. Bravo, however, could use a good wake up call. 🙂

Comments are closed.