Oh, poor LuAnn’s not happy. Her unhappiness is self-inflicted, of course, because she just can’t stand the fact that Princess Radziwill is a fact and the Countess de Lesseps was Made in China – maybe by Ralph Lauren. It’s bothering her so much that she is going to great lengths to prove her elevated station by trying to beat Carole into the ground and declare herself the winner in the “who is more royal among the Housewives” competition. The only thing she didn’t take into consideration is that Carole has her outwitted, in the most literal sense.
First there was the car ride from the hotel on the way to a croquet match. Carole mentioned that her mother had five children. LuAnn countered with her mother bearing and raising 35 children – all of them only five years apart. That’s just how good LuAnn’s family is – hard to top that one. There are twins in Carole’s family. LuAnn’s gene pool allows for octuplets. Moving on to a simple game of croquet or croakie, as Sonja says it, LuAnn wants desperately to win this stupid game, but, sadly, it doesn’t happen. At dinner that evening, their last in London, Carole is talking about the process of writing and publishing a book. She had the audacity to compare it to childbirth – even saying that delivering a successful book was harder than delivering a baby. LuAnn has done both, maybe not the successful book part, but she’s an expert on babies and books, anyway. Carole hasn’t had a child so what does she know?
Watching this exchange, and during a few moments alone with LuAnn, even Heather is beginning to understand that the woman is not only humorless, particularly when it is directed at her, but doesn’t quite get a little sarcasm, either. She’s a prickly one alright – easily offended and never about to concede, even when concession is long overdue. The Countess would prefer that you talk about other people, like she does, and not about her, unless you’re lavishing praise upon her royal connections and superior cultural and social skills. When Heather mentions that she once was interested in gymnastics, well, you got it, so was LuAnn. Carole isn’t having it anymore and states that she did gymnastics, was on the softball team, the football team and the basketball team. What LuAnn hadn’t explained was what she meant by being involved in gymnastics. Given the fact that she’s about seven feet tall, she was the perfect size to be used as the balance beam.
Aviva and Ramona are seen in New York, planning the five-year anniversary party for Aviva and Reid – you know, the one that Sonja is also in charge of planning. The two ladies are at the Empire Room and seem to have most of the details under control. When Sonja does arrive at the venue, she arranges some flowers and tables, and breezes out, assistant in tow, to choose her evening attire. I think she might have been better off having stayed in New York, instead of going to London, working on the event, or her toaster oven cookbook, because this party was missing a lot of things. In fact, I don’t think it’s going to get her many future jobs.
When the guests arrive, there is alcohol, including Ramona’s Pinot Grigio, and a cake. Silverware and flatware were nowhere to be found. Then there is the band. The lead singer, who looks like the poor man’s Madonna, is confused about the music. From the stage, she addresses her concerns to Sonja, in front of the guests and on our televisions. There seems to be some question about the music and whether there was a rehearsal or whether the singer and the band have even met before. After some harsh words from the hapless event planner, the group does break into some song – intelligible, off-key and just a really bad choice all around. After the first disastrous tune is finished, the singer begins gyrating with a couple of male dancers. I think it was another failed attempt at imitating Madonna. It really didn’t matter anymore. LuAnn, and I hate to say this, did a better job with Natalie Cole than this crew did.
Heather did manage to give us some moments of pure comedy as she chased Ramona around the party trying to repair their broken relationship. I didn’t see a relationship to begin with, but Heather’s scurrying about did get under Ramona’s skin. Even Sonja knew better than to get in the middle of this one, choosing to watch it escalate until Ramona decided that she had to leave. LuAnn loved it, too, and told Heather that she was now on her team. Anyone who doesn’t like Ramona is good enough for her. For LuAnn, the enemy of my enemy is my friend and LuAnn has a lot of enemies. She may have found a friend in Heather.
As always, enjoy reading Carole’s blog:
Empress
realhousewifeofaiken 
Made in China 😆
The home of some of the most cheaply manufactured sub-par goods in the world. Funny you should use that reference in regards to the countless.
I can’t imagine why I would make such a comment. I’m sure it was just a coincidence. 😉
On WWHL, LooAnn CSBHH didn’t disappoint me in the joolry dept. That golden two-tiered breastplate flashed so much I had to put on my sunglasses to watch the episode……even with the lights out in the room. 😎
I love the China reference. 🙂 I wonder if the factory manufacturing her rumored (I’m not looking forward to its debut) joolry line will need to
install suicide fencessupply sunglasses to their workers because you can’t fix ugly? 😳Maybe they’ll insist LooAnn not reveal their corporate identity….. I hope no birds will be harmed and she won’t steal Kelly’s feather motif. I don’t have any more faith in her abilities as a joolry designer than I do in her caterwauling. Hopefully they will just show her a picture book and have her point. Voila she’s a joolry designer, 😉
If and when CSBHH does finally produce a joolry (thanks for that one) line, I think she should have Target – pronounced Tar-zhay, in honor of her French Canadian roots – carry it, right next to Ramona’s Pinot. 😉
😆
Hopefully the joolry will arrive in Tar-zhay right after Zsa Zsa Gabor has the new child that Prince Frederick has been talking about in the magazines. 😉
OK, you forced me to go find the story. Zsa Zsa is only 94, so what’s the Countess’ excuse? Eggs. I knew it. It’s all about the eggs.
Thought I’d share the link so everyone will suffer with us through our own imagined -and icky – visuals.
http://articles.cnn.com/2011-04-14/entertainment/gabor.baby_1_prince-frederic-von-anhalt-zsa-zsa-gabor-francesca-hilton?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ
Great link! Maybe they can go to acupuncture sessions together and share a birthing suite. 😆
And debate their respective royal titles. I’d put my money on Zsa Zsa.
No offense intended, PRINCESS Zsa Zsa.
;D
Can’t Louie-Ann just buy a cheap new knock off of Female Reproduction Organs from her joowlry manufacturer in China? I find LuAnn’s half hearted quest to become pregnant hilarious. If Carole offered to give her the Princess Radziwill title as a new mommy gift LuLu would go through with it, she would even marry Jacques to get the better title.
Well howdy hi all….. been overwhelmed here with caring for sickie mr ford..and dealing with laptops that are having their own issues,,not a virus issue ,,,that i can fix….hardware issues…so borrowing one ,,,OMG…would love to throw this one in the LAKE…BUT….LOL
Mr Ford is being prepped for angiogram sometime next month…he has to be tobacco product product free for 30 days…….he is down to 6 a day…FINALLY found an AMERICAN SPEAKING CARDIO DR… We can understand him and know the full extent of his illness..the new Dr has put him on the “critical” list and is just totally PISSED OFF at how we have been treated by other Drs in the cardio field..SHOCKED at how he was let go from the hospital the first time in the condition he was in and explained to mr ford at how lucky he is to still be here…It was really comforting to spend time with a caring professional who took all the time WE NEEDED to understand what really was going on…..He also told me I was doing a good job as caregiver….Mr ford ditto that sentiment..LOL Smart reply…winks
have not been able to stay awake to watch full episodes yet…weird how i fall asleep 10 mins into the start of the show and wake up 10 mins after its over !!!! LOL ,,,,hmmmm
will try and catch it in reruns..
even fell asleep during oc part deaux reunion…maybe I will lock myself in my room this weekend and play catch up…
and then come back and comment….
hugs and peace
Diva
Hey dd! Hasn’t been much music and dancing without you. You know that you are never far from all of our hearts. Mr. Ford couldn’t have a better caregiver. Know. That.
You’re not missing much at Bravo, btw – SSDD. 🙂
Rest when you can. Come back and chat when you can.
C & C
Nice to see you Diva. Best to Mr Ford on some real recovery.
Hi Diva,
I’m very happy to hear from you. I’ve been thinking about you and Mr. Ford and wondering how the two of you have been holding up. Glad you found a good Doc. that makes all the difference. I know there are lots of bad Docs here. Hope that is giving you some relief. Hugs to you and Mr. Ford from Tigre and me.
Good to see ya Diva!
Diva!! Good to see you again. Sorry to hear of your troubles but not surprised to hear of your prowess. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Does your DH read? A book, The Easy Way To Quit Smoking, is being lauded by my cousin for helping her to quit. She was a hard core smoker. Best wishes to you and your DH.【ツ】
That is prowess at caregiving.