I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so full of crap as Brooks Ayers is. Well, maybe a used car salesman, who is trying to sell a car, claiming it’s in perfect condition but it was actually recovered from a flooded street in New Orleans, two months after Hurricane Katrina. You know, “Sure darlin’, just a little water damage. It’ll be okay, as long as you don’t use the brake, or go over 14 miles per hour, or mind that the trunk is full of mud.” I’ll bet he’s even got a greeting card for that. That’s what he sounded like to me as he assured his sweet Miss Vicki that everything was going to be just fine between her and her daughter.
That must have been just what our little insurance mogul wanted to hear. It seemed to inspire her in some way, and Vicki’s imagination and excuses were off and running. Nope, it couldn’t possibly be all about her relationship with Brooks. Brianna must be mad at her biological Dad – oh, and Donn. Vicki was very happy with the way she took that responsibility right off of her own shoulders and placed it where it belonged – on those bad men. It doesn’t matter that Brianna loves Donn, Vicki knows the truth and now she’s told us – so there.
Heather and her friend Dina met up to discuss their fabulous careers in Hollywood, and whether Heather should legally change her name to Dubrow, which, she feels would be the end of her acting career. She and Dina discuss the good old days, when they were in full bloom, starring in things like “Men Behaving Badly” with Rob Schneider, which ran for one year. They mentioned IMDb, so I swung on over there to see what happened to this major hit and what roles the two women had. I checked the list of cast members, each and every name. I found Dina (Spybey) Waters – no sign of Heather, not as a regular, anyway. She did have a role as a guest actress in one episode, but that’s it. Not that she hasn’t had returning roles on other series, because she has, but those have lasted only slightly longer than the Schneider gig. Maybe those 17 hour days she was talking about happened while she was at Disneyland, singing and dancing at the Country Bear Jamboree, or wherever she was wearing that costume and wig.
Heather finally decided that she will change her name to Dubrow as a gift to her husband, and he will be happy because she is a great catch, just ask her. The two women also agree that not only are they to old to play Harrison Ford’s wife, they aren’t young enough to be Harrison Ford’s wife, even in real life – someone should tell him and the very ancient Calista Flockhart, because they must be doing something wrong. By the way, Dr. Terry was very happy and very moved by his wife’s gesture, which turned out to be the only nice moment of the entire episode.
Gretchen and Slade are still at odds in their relationship over his failure to meet his financial commitments to his son. He’s been promising for three years to do something about it. The doing something part seems to have come out of Gretchen’s checkbook, and she’s finally figuring out that maybe Slade is having the time of his life without even lifting a finger. They went to talk to a therapist, but I’m not holding out much hope that Coto de Caza’s resident bum is going to change very much. So far, it’s worked pretty well for him – new housewife every couple of years, same excuses.
Tamra was just annoying. Okay, she’s always annoying. She wants to open a fitness studio and gets some advice from some epeople who have already done it. Then she auditioned some fitness trainers who must know Tamra, because at least one of them gave her a lap dance. She and Bravo saved her finest moments for those she spent with Alexis, however. To be honest, I don’t really care for Alexis. She just seems a little off to me, like she’s been staring at the sun too long or something. I have some thoughts about her marriage, which also seems a little off, but I guess it’s true – there is someone for everyone – so there is an Alexis for Jim and all is right in their world and Costa Rica is in Mexico.
Tamra wants to use Alexis to take out her own frustrations and insecurities, I think. Let’s face it, Alexis may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but that doesn’t matter much with this group of women. No, what bothers Tamra is that Alexis is younger and prettier – that’s all. Tamra stated her fears to Eddie about getting older, and losing him to younger, hotter women, and in her eyes, everyone under 40 is a threat. Using Dr. Terry’s unflattering and insulting comments about Alexis to defend her own jealousy was pretty stupid and immature, too. It wasn’t enough to tell Alexis that she was a snob and a phony. Tamra had to reach down, pull out her worst junior high school self, and tell her that yep, everybody hates you and nobody wants to be around you. I guess there were no puppies around for her to kick.