I’m parking this here kind of early because I don’t know what today holds for me.

What is the goal of this show? Is it to showcase the singing talent of the contestants or is it to showcase everything else? Is it to bullshit the public into believing that each week sets a new record for voting? Is it to highlight Randy’s clown costumes or Jennifer’s latest releases (as well as the rest of the people they dredge up)? Is it to showcase some crappy choreography that they put these contestants into? Is it to show how ridiculous these ‘stylists’ can make the contestants look? I don’t believe there are any accidents on this show and I believe it is all finely tuned to make us think that We, The Public, are choosing THE American Idol.

Now, I don’t want to take anything away from most of the contestants this season. They’re all good in their own right. They each have something to offer and many have fine tuned who THEY Are. Phillip Phillips is an example of this IMO. He projects the persona of I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. In reality, he Has to. If everyone Hated him, he may as well stay on the little corner stage of some obscure little bar. I know that what he means is Here I Am, Take It or Leave It. At this point American Idol America has chosen to take it. For now.

Jessica Sanchez.. I’m Over the Cute. Fact is, I would never pay to see any of these people in concert so what they look like doesn’t matter to me anyway. She is a ballad singer and a damn fine one at that. Again, I don’t want to take that away from her. When I see her though, I just want to toss her a cheeseburger. When she tries to step out of that ballad box however, I think she falls Very flat into the mediocre range. She’s shown her Growl. I like a growl from the right singer on this show but it isn’t Jessica. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I Loved Haley Reinhart last year. Still do. She is a singer who can pull off that growl. Some said she went to it too much, I say she went to it just enough. Jessica just can’t convincingly give the performance that has to go along with it. It belongs to a jazzy type singer and that was Haley. It isn’t Jessica. Stick to what you know sweetie and you’ll be fine.

Joshua Ladet.. He’s my Church singer. He’s a gospel singer who with the right song, can Really deliver. Even with him though, when he tries to break away from that box, it doesn’t quite work for him. He just isn’t someone who can hold it back from what I’ve seen on the show, and get away with it. He’s well loved so I don’t think he’s in any trouble at this point. When Arsinio Hall had his late night show, he would talk about the performances his ‘posse’ would give. He would talk about the facial expressions he imagined and saw while the group would perform And, From the group. That look like you have just smelled something Real bad and can’t get away from it expression. Joshua is a singer who can pull that off. He HAS to take it to church to do so though.

Then we have Hollie Cavenagh. The girl with the crazy accent who can sing, Well. What a little cutie she is unless you happen to be a voting tweenie. This young lady has spent the entire season, sans one week I think, at the bottom. She is also the one (left) who consistently received bad critique from that panel of deadbeat clowns called judges. Their ‘critiques’ have always left me wondering if they were listening to the same thing I was. This bullshit about ’emotionally connecting’ and not Seeing it. It doesn’t matter anymore I guess. They’ve succeeded in getting rid of her.

Of course, I can’t let this esteemed panel of clowns judges escape unscathed. Please, American Idol, I Beg you. Replace these assholes. Start with that idiot Randy ‘Yo’ Jackson. Consistency is NOT his Forte. Just like the rest of us, these judges have their favorites and there’s nothing impartial and critique-like in their comments to these contestants. Jenni ‘I’ve got goosies, most beautiful woman, let me get my autotune out and torture America with another shitty song’ Lopez. Need I say more? There are very few women in this world I’ve ever wanted to slap but She is one of them. Does anyone here think that babydoll nightie looking dress she was wearing looks cute on a 40+ year old woman? I sure as hell didn’t think so and I’m perpetually a dirty old man (going to be one til I’m a Dead old man too). That leaves us with Stephen ‘I’ve pickled my brain’ Tyler. He’s off in his own world and as the front man of his band, I think he’s still great. However, as a judge on this show, Again, replace him, Please.

The Results show. It started with the group song. California Dreaming on a Red Carpet with the front row mosh pit of tweenies manning the ropes simulating the crowd at a big event. Could these kidbop group songs suck any more? I doubt it. I keep expecting the Brady Bunch to come out in their jumpsuits as backup singers. If you enjoyed it, friends, we’ll just say different strokes and leave it at that. The Ford video is a behind the scenes look at how they make the videos and then they show the video. Phillip Phillips was absent from this video. They didn’t mention it nor did they address why. Then it’s time for results. The only reason Ryan Seacrest has his job on this show. He’s the king of the fake out when it comes to these ‘results’. So Dim the lights, here we go. He calls up each one, and tells them they’ll get their results later in the show. For now, Jimmy Iovine has a few words, his weekly critique. What they all boiled down to is each contestant did great on one song, kind of sucked on the other. Maybe not Sucked but could have done better or picked a better song. By the way, the theme this week was California songs and The Song you wish you had written which gave them free rein on the second song choice. Next they wheel out David Cook to sing his new single. Honestly I couldn’t tell you what it was. I didn’t like him on his season, I don’t like him now. I was more interested in looking at the guitars his band was playing than anything he was doing. One of them had a killer Gretsch Penguin that I’ve been lusting after for years. Hey, we see different things when looking at the same thing. David and his performance, I’m sure, will be more of different strokes. Anyway, More results, Ryan calls up the other two, Jimmy gives his critique while they are setting up the Autotune for what comes next, and Ryan sends the contestants back to the couch. Same critique by the way. One could have been better, the other song was great. Moving on… Now the star attraction for the night. Jenni from the block and her stage full of half nekid dancers. Put some clothes on the dancers Jenni, and go back to the block. Please. Results time. Ryan calls all 4 to center stage, Dim the lights, Here we go. Jessica, Safe. Joshua, Safe. That leaves Phillip and Hollie. If you’ve read through my entire rant, you know what happens next. Hollie is out. The other three get to do the hometown hero tour so tune in next week to see it all in living HD color.

Vote count. 70,000,000.. cough cough Bullshit cough cough. What’s the matter AI producers? The 2mil jump each week, with one less contestant, wasn’t enough for you ? Not exciting enough? Gotta make it 10 Million? Please. The turnip truck I fell off of disappeared into the horizon many years ago. It didn’t Just happen.

Two more weeks of this mess and it’ll be over for another 7 months until they start showing us the results of their preplanned hand picked Hollywood contenders audition tour. I’m not surprised by the current results but I no longer have a pony in this race. Therefore, I no longer care who wins. My Bet however is Joshua Ladet. He’s beginning to pull out the AI tricks from the handbook at the right time. Shedding tears on the show as Hollie sang her swansong and the production manager gave him his camera time at that point. Idol trick #991 and it works every time to boost their vote count. Most usually play it too soon though. Scotty McCreepy did it last year while touring storm damage in his hometown. At that point, I knew he had the win in the bag. For Joshua, Just like his first Idol trick, #293, ‘almost didn’t get on the plane’ cough cough Bullshit cough cough.

Til next week friends,

Peace.