California is a community property State, and Donn got half of Vicki’s brain and common sense during the division of assets. There is no other explanation for her behavior and romantic involvement with Brooks Ayers. She’s simply not operating on all cylinders. This is not the same woman who lectured Gretchen about financial security when Gretchen’s boyfriend, Jeff, was dying of cancer. This is not the same woman who touted the fact that she is a self-made businesswoman, and once protected her own finances with the same stealth and skill rivaled only by Seal Team Six. Brooks is playing her, and everything she has, and Vicki is the only one who doesn’t see it. As a team, they should do a better job at keeping their stories straight. Tonight they said that they have been dating for about six months. Brooks is on Bravo’s website, where it says that the two met in 2007. Maybe I just don’t understand the new dating secret code words. It has been a while for me.
Anyway, Vicki certainly has herself a real charmer – and if ever there was a time to say this – Bless His Heart. He’s laying it on so thick, Vicki could reseal her driveway with that gooey stuff that comes out of his mouth and his greeting cards. So, not only does he have that very
sketchy diverse job history, but has left his three children, in two different States, to be with his beloved gal. I really have to hand it to him. He’s actually smarter than Slade on that child support thing. He’s moved to California, and neither Mississippi nor Indiana are going to chase him for any money he owes to those kids. As long as he doesn’t revisit those locations, he can avoid both his obligations and another stint in jail.
Vicki said that this poor Southern gentleman got a little behind on his payments due to a downturn in the economy. Sure, Vicki. I’d take his word on that. He also told Tamra that her son Ryan had big things in his future – just another pearl of wisdom from Brooks. I guess he hasn’t seen the same Ryan that we have. If that wasn’t enough, he also told Michael, Vicki’s son, that the two of them had a lot in common. Michael wasn’t quite ready to hear any of that, any more than he wanted to discuss Brianna’s marriage with a man, who for all intents and purposes, is both a stranger and an interloper. Brooks just loves everybody, like family – well, at least the way Brooks sees family. Everybody, in his view, is great and smart and a ball of fire and okay, that’s enough, you get it. Vicki loves him, so she probably knows better than we do. I’m sure that all of the secrecy surrounding Brooks is just a result of our overactive imaginations and he’s really a standup guy.
Vicki has been carrying on about her hurt and her disappointment and her anger with her daughter for eloping to Las Vegas. She says that their marriage isn’t all about them, and that Brianna has been thoughtless. Brianna, and even Michael, know their mother better than she knows herself. The new bride knew how her mother would react, no matter how this wedding was to have taken place. Vicki would have been Motherzilla of the bride. The fact that Brianna is willing to have a vow renewal says a lot about her, and the concessions she is willing to make. Vicki is not one to concede anything.
An event was held, hosted by Vicki and Tamra, to introduce a wine club – Wine by Wives. Vicki has decided that she is going to announce her daughter’s marriage to the entire group at the gathering. The newlyweds were looking forward to this with about as much enthusiasm as one would have for a root canal. When they did finally arrive, Vicki made her big announcement, with as much drama and as many tears as she can possibly squeeze out. She also surprised them with the reveal of Uncle Billy, Vicki’s brother. Finally, something that Brianna could actually be happy about.
Vicki, before the gala, said that she was not going to make this night all about her. We all knew better, didn’t we? The other day I compared Vicki to Caroline Manzo regarding the fact that they are oblivious to what they have done to their families. I want to recalculate that just a bit. Vicki actually has a slight edge over Caroline when it come to boorish behavior and poor parenting. All of her selflessness and good feelings just went out the window. She has determined that Brianna and her husband should have a “family” moment with Brooks and herself. Brianna looked as though she is having trouble keeping her wine and cheese down.
As the foursome exchanged introductions, which included a hug for Brianna by our Tupelo carpetbagger, Vicki says that Brianna should accept Brooks just as she accepted her new son in law, Ryan. Well, Vicki got exactly what she wanted. Brianna gave her mother, her mother’s boyfriend and their relationship the very same reception – in spades. She began muttering that it was different, so very different. Brianna sees no similarities in the two relationships, and rightfully so. Vicki is stunned and insulted. She tells us that she did not raise her daughter to be so rude and disrespectful. No, Vicki, you didn’t, and she isn’t. She and her brother have simply seen a lifetime of your own self-centeredness, and now they think you are acting like a middle-aged fool. (Sorry about that. I got carried away and thought that Vicki could actually hear me) They’re right, and she should listen to them, especially Brianna. This young woman is wise beyond her years. In this case, mother does not know best.
There were some other things that went on during this episode, and this is my very poor excuse for a recap. Slade asked Gretchen’s father for permission to marry her. That didn’t go well. It’s okay, though, because Gretchen isn’t thrilled with the marriage idea either. Vicki and Tamra went to shop for bras, and had fittings, since Tamra doesn’t know what size she is since her implants were removed. Tamra also thinks that Europeans use metric alphabets – D=F in France. I see a Mensa membership in her future.