The Real Housewives of Orange County – Whine & Cheese

California is a community property State, and Donn got half of Vicki’s brain and common sense during the division of assets.   There is no other explanation for her behavior and romantic involvement with Brooks Ayers.  She’s simply not operating on all cylinders.   This is not the same woman who lectured Gretchen about financial security when Gretchen’s boyfriend, Jeff, was dying of cancer.   This is not the same woman who touted the fact that she is a self-made businesswoman, and once protected her own finances with the same stealth and skill rivaled only by Seal Team Six.  Brooks is playing her, and everything she has, and Vicki is the only one who doesn’t see it.  As a team, they should do a better job at keeping their stories straight.  Tonight they said that they have been dating for about six months.  Brooks is on Bravo’s website, where it says that the two met in 2007.  Maybe I just don’t understand the new dating secret code words.  It has been a while for me.

Anyway, Vicki certainly has herself a real charmer – and if ever there was a time to say this – Bless His Heart.  He’s laying it on so thick, Vicki could reseal her driveway with that gooey stuff that comes out of his mouth and his greeting cards.  So, not only does he have that very sketchy diverse job history, but has left his three children, in two different States, to be with his beloved  gal.  I really have to hand it to him.  He’s actually smarter than Slade on that child support thing.  He’s moved to California, and neither Mississippi nor Indiana are going to chase him for any money he owes to those kids.  As long as he doesn’t revisit those locations, he can avoid both his obligations and another stint in jail.

Vicki said that this poor Southern gentleman got a little behind on his payments due to a downturn in the economy.  Sure, Vicki.  I’d take his word on that.  He also told Tamra that her son Ryan had big things in his future – just another pearl of wisdom from Brooks.  I guess he hasn’t seen the same Ryan that we have.   If that wasn’t enough, he also told Michael, Vicki’s son, that the two of them had a lot in common.  Michael wasn’t quite ready to hear any of that, any more than he wanted to discuss Brianna’s marriage with a man, who for all intents and purposes, is both a stranger and an interloper.  Brooks just loves everybody, like family – well, at least the way Brooks sees family.   Everybody, in his view, is great and smart and a ball of fire and okay, that’s enough, you get it.  Vicki loves him, so she probably knows better than we do.   I’m sure that all of the secrecy surrounding Brooks is just a result of our overactive imaginations and he’s really a standup guy.

Vicki has been carrying on about her hurt and her disappointment and her anger with her daughter for eloping to Las Vegas.  She says that their marriage isn’t all about them, and that Brianna has been thoughtless.  Brianna, and even Michael, know their mother better than she knows herself.  The new bride knew how her mother would react, no matter how this wedding was to have taken place.  Vicki would have been Motherzilla of the bride.   The fact that Brianna is willing to have a vow renewal says a lot about her, and the concessions she is willing to make.  Vicki is not one to concede anything.

An event was held, hosted by Vicki and Tamra, to introduce a wine club – Wine by Wives.    Vicki has decided that she is going to announce her daughter’s marriage to the entire group at the gathering.   The newlyweds were looking forward to this with about as much enthusiasm as one would have for a root canal.  When they did finally arrive, Vicki made her big announcement, with as much drama and as many tears as she can possibly squeeze out.  She also surprised them with the reveal of Uncle Billy, Vicki’s brother.  Finally, something that Brianna could actually be happy about.

Vicki, before the gala, said that she was not going to make this night all about her.  We all knew better, didn’t we?  The other day I compared Vicki to Caroline Manzo regarding the fact that they are oblivious to what they have done to their families.  I want to recalculate that just a bit.  Vicki actually has a slight edge over Caroline when it come to boorish behavior and poor parenting.   All of her selflessness and good feelings just went out the window.  She has determined that Brianna and her husband should have a “family” moment with Brooks and herself.  Brianna looked as though she is having trouble keeping her wine and cheese down.

As the foursome exchanged introductions, which included a hug for Brianna by our Tupelo carpetbagger, Vicki says that Brianna should accept Brooks just as she accepted her new son in law, Ryan.   Well, Vicki got exactly what she wanted.  Brianna gave her mother, her mother’s boyfriend and their relationship the very same reception – in spades.  She began muttering that it was different, so very different.   Brianna sees no similarities in the two relationships, and rightfully so.  Vicki is stunned and insulted.  She tells us that she did not raise her daughter to be so rude and disrespectful.   No, Vicki, you didn’t, and she isn’t.  She and her brother have simply seen a lifetime of your own self-centeredness, and now they think you are acting like a middle-aged fool. (Sorry about that. I got carried away and thought that Vicki could actually hear me)  They’re right, and she should listen to them, especially Brianna.  This young woman is wise beyond her years.  In this case, mother does not know best.

There were some other things that went on during this episode, and this is my very poor excuse for a recap.  Slade asked Gretchen’s father for permission to marry her.  That didn’t go well.  It’s okay, though, because Gretchen isn’t thrilled with the marriage idea either.  Vicki and Tamra went to shop for bras, and had fittings, since Tamra doesn’t know what size she is since her implants were removed.  Tamra also thinks that Europeans use metric alphabets – D=F in France.  I see a Mensa membership in her future.


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19 Responses to The Real Housewives of Orange County – Whine & Cheese

  1. tuzentswurth says:

    Funny recap, thanks Empress. Does Vicki think viewers just fell off a turnip truck? Child support is based on income…..everywhere. When your income goes down, you file to have support reduced….see Vicki, for a smart business woman and divorced mother of two you don’t know much. Sorry, I think I caught that virus where I too believe that Vicki can hear me!

  2. thedesigndiva2 says:

    David Brooks Ayers will still be subject to the UNIFORM RECIPROCAL CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT ACT…. LOL
    Doesnt matter where you live or try to hide or whose dress you stick your head under… that act will track your non paying ass down and you will pay…. your DL can and will be suspended and you will NOT get a DL in the State that you moved to because you have been TAGGED in MISSISSIPPI..KNOW THAT…. If any of the baby mommas files for any kind of AID to DEPENDENT CHILDREN the STATE issuing the aid will HUNT your NON PAYING ASS DOWN..KNOW THAT…
    My sources say that Vicki met David in WPB at a bar on Clematis Street back around 2009.. I have a YELLOW FOLDER for DAVID BROOKS AYERS and YES…he has been a busy busy CON…er business man.. everything he touches turns to MISSISSIPPI MUD…. hahahahahahaha
    He can run WEST but he cant hide… and his acting SUCKS…. Cant wait for the JUDGE to see his line of BS…..

    • dd, Thanks for the child support info. I wasn’t aware of it and appreciate that you are. Might explain Brooks’ aliases – and yes there are more. 🙂

    • Prickle&Goo says:

      Seems this designdiva person knows how to find out things about people
      Is she a investigative reporter or something ?
      I have spent many hours reading her posts here and elsewhere on the intel she gathered about Shana Hughes,sorry Taylor Armstrong as she is presently called
      My wife and I are most impressed with all the news out there about her
      We wonder how soon before she has another emotional breakdown.

    • melthehound says:

      I believe I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. Remind me never to piss you off 😀

    • Donna says:

      I would love it if you would do your detective work on the Manzo/Laurita/Gorgon oops Gorga/Waklie clans

      • diva says:

        Donna.. started on them last season… You will start to see all them fall down… Especially LITTLE JOE and Mel…hahahahahahaha wanna be’s that they are….
        Lauritas are next…then Carolwhine…. then wakiles.. Rich has some questionable associates in his CAR REPAIR /SERVICE stations….hahahahahahahaha

    • Vegas Chick says:

      Yikes, Diva… how many folders do you have? Remind me to stay on your good size… jk Love your posts.

      • diva says:

        vegaschick… My good SIZE ?? hmm…that changes it seems daily..hahahahaha
        I have many colored folders…I have gotten so good at digging up bones I should be a grave digger.. I LOVE researching people and HATE LIARS….
        I have also honed by craft of finding KEY words that exposes folks and then it’s off to the races….
        As I tell the kids..Dont fear God Fear DIVA

  3. Pickles says:

    So wait, Vicki has a thermal narccissitic meltdown about Brianna eloping but she foists Rhett Butler on her kids while they are still dealing with her divorce fom Donn? How sensitive of her. Oink.

  4. melthehound says:

    Nice writeup Empress, as usual 😉

    I don’t watch the show beyond the first couple episodes at the beginning of the season. I keep reading though since I now know at least who these characters are. I take that back. I subjected The Hound to Gretchen’s caterwauling in Las Vegas. Too much, he said turn it off and I didn’t even see that full episode. Anyway, I keep hearing/reading that this Brooks guy is some sort of ‘Consultant’ just like his OC Counterpart, Slade(?). There are two types of consultants in my experience. The first typically owns or works for some sort of firm that specializes in a certain subject. They typically have an impeccable and completely up to date view and knowledge of that which they are hired to ‘consult;. Then there’s the other kind. The one I would typically call the bullshit artist. That is, if you can’t impress them with what you know, Dazzle them with Bullshit. Whatever label he chooses to put on it, the latter definition is where I see this Brooks guy fitting in to the world of ‘consultants’. So which is it? Is he a bullshit artist or does he actually have any useful knowledge that someone would pay him for sharing? Mz Vickie better hold on to her purse while she’s getting her ‘love tank’ filled. 😯

    • thedesigndiva2 says:

      Early a.m. kids !!!! YIKES
      Here’s the deal with Vicki and DBA… He is a CONsultant.. Vicki needs to always be in CONtrol. She has met the CON of her dreams. She can mold him, dress him , teach him the fine art of being um whatever she is and by God she will make sure to remind him each and every day that he owes her…HAHAHAHAHAHA
      She’s gonna have her hands full with that one…She’s lost CONtrol of her kids so she is replacing them with HIM..and as long as he THINKS he can still have his something something on the side with Vicki footing the bill.. this CON from MISSISSIPPI thinks he has hit PAYDIRT….

      • Donna says:

        LOL everytime I see the word Mississippi it reminds me of a childhood rhyme.. m i s s i p p n your i

        • Lisa Renee says:

          Good Morning Empress, hope all is well with you. Another great read. I read Icky’s blog where she said to be careful what you ask for. So if I understand her point, she prayed for her child to be healthy & happy. Vicki is now pissed Brianna is not only healthy but beyond happy. Vicki forgot to pray that B’s happiness be on vickis terms. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. My DD asked me once why my sister never had children. I told her that is because her Aunt starts EVERY sentence with “I” or “me”, not a great trait for a successful parent/child relationship. Sums up Vicki to a T. Have a great day, Lisa

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