The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Poker Face

Albie Manzo has the thankless job – well, at least it’s a job – of delivering Ashley to the airport for her flight to Las Vegas.  Jacqueline is talking to her toddler, something which suits her very well, in an effort to avoid her daughter, and reality.  On route to the airport, Ashley prattles on about needing a drink as well as telling us that she prefers her Nyquil through a straw.  She says that she can’t wait to turn 21.  Yep, me too – it’ll be interesting.

Albie, apparently, was supposed to walk Ashley to the ticket counter, through security and fasten her seatbelt on the plane, because the twenty year old can’t manage even that much on her own, missing that flight, and a later one.  If any of us are foolish enough to believe that this little stunt isn’t part of Ashley’s master plan, then we deserve whatever future tricks she has up her conniving, manipulative sleeve.   Jacqueline and Chris didn’t seem very surprised by the news, but aren’t ready to give up on the plan to send the girl to Sin City.

Everyone is still reeling over the remarks in Teresa’s cookbook, but, in all honesty, it’s really Caroline Manzo’s reason to live – and stay relevant for purposes of the show.  She is seen taking her daughter, Lauren, to see Dr. Nicholas Perricone, to enlist his aid in helping the young woman to lose weight – that just might rank second in Caroline’s life, right after destroying Teresa.  Lauren has her own revelation about her hair and makeup business.  It seems that she closed up shop right after the grand opening.  Maybe Ashley could see that one coming, and knew better than to put a rush on the oh so important t-shirt design.

Melissa is recording another song, a ballad this time, which is dedicated to her husband.  The sentiment was very sweet – the singing still needs some work – okay, a lot of work.   Baby Joey and his wife also take us on a tour of the buildings he has developed and owns.  They say that there is going to be a building for each of their children, designed to guarantee their futures.  Joey tells us that there is no building for his wife because she has full access to “Tarzan”.  He’s a charmer, that one.  When Melissa prepares a romantic dinner for the two of them, Joey cannot help but bring up the most sparkling conversation concerning his buildup of poison.  With each passing week, I wonder if there are any more guys out there like him.   Any girl would be crazy to pass up a man like that – he really knows how to impress the ladies.

Juicy and Teresa have had to close the pizza shop.  I don’t know how much time he really spent working there as he didn’t even know the code on the alarm.  Juicy tells his wife that he is eying the gas station across the street and plans to build an over age 55 apartment complex.  We know that Juicy has been, for lack of a more delicate term, a slum lord.   He has been cited and sued by former tenants of his apartment buildings for just about every code violation on the books.  This could put him into a new category of offenses – like abuse of the elderly.  I hope that Teresa doesn’t spend a dime from her book sales to help her husband with this little plan – she’ll surely end up on the losing end of the bargain.

While Teresa is at a book signing, Juicy is in charge of the girls – I think that was the plan.  Juicy is making dinner for Chris, Albie and Christopher, and dinner comes with a price.  The guests are forced to ward off attacks by Milania before they are allowed to have their steaks.  Gia, who is now about 35 years old, has already overseen dinner with her sisters, cleaned up Audriana’s bloody knee and put all of the girls to bed.   She’s light years ahead of Ashley, and Jacqueline, for that matter.

Jacqueline is hosting a get together with the whole gang.  The men are going to play poker and the women are going to play Teresa.  When Juicy and Teresa arrive, there is no doubt that all of the rest of the group has been talking about them.  Teresa attempts to apologize, again, and Melissa tells her that it’s okay.  She says that all of them are willing to take a hit for the team as long as Teresa makes more money from her book.  So much for the new Melissa and that whole let’s be a family again.  Baby Joey isn’t bending over backwards to make any amends, either and goes out of his way to tell the group about all of his recent grievances with his sister.   Somehow, during  the poker game, Richie Wakile and Juicy get into some kind of argument which turns into Juicy trying to grab Richie’s package and leaves Juicy with a bloody nose and a black eye.  Don’t ask me to explain this – I have no good answer for how that stuff happens.  Oh, and Caroline is being, well, Caroline, with that “I just sucked a lemon” face in response to Teresa’s remarks and just about everything else within a fifty mile radius.

In the midst of all of this merriment, our errant Ashley walks in and announces that she has had a very bad day.  The airlines don’t understand her needs, no one gave her an instruction booklet on how to board a plane and she couldn’t find a Dunkin’ Donuts at the airport.  That is a boatload of problems and I completely understand her frustration.  Life is hard.  Stepdad, Chris, tells her that they will be at the airport in the morning so that Ashley can catch a direct flight to Vegas.  Maybe the third time will be the charm.

During this attempt, Ashley tells Chris how she has taken a couple of Xanaxes for stress, but that the only thing the medications are doing are making her sleepy.  Maybe she took them with a Nyquil chaser, through a straw.   Jacqueline is seen packing up boxes in Ashley’s room, and finds a photo album of her children.  She gets weepy and explains that Ashley is depressed.   That could be.  She certainly has some sort of problem, or maybe she just found a new way to get her parents’ attention, as well as some prescription drugs.   We’re left with Chris walking Ashley to the airport from the parking lot.  I’m not making any bets on her actually boarding a plane – that girl’s got a million little schemes going on.  After all, she was taught by a master.


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6 Responses to The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Poker Face

  1. Donna says:

    Jac, Ashley and Jac’s mom are 3 generations of the same.

  2. Buttercream says:

    How are the 3 generations all the same? Explain please ….very interesting …million little schemes …. what are they? She seems to a little light in the education dept to have all sorts of schemes. …..

    • Donna says:

      When Jac’s mom jumped into the twitter fray attacking Teresa. It was uncalled for.

    • Morning Buttercream,
      I don’t believe that a person needs a formal education to become good at scheming. The only thing Ashley has had to do is pay attention to Chris’s and Jaqueline’s behaviors, and then stay one step ahead of them. We’ve only seen 3 years of their lives, so I imagine that she developed this skill set based on her parents’ patterns long before any RHoNJ episodes ever aired. She messes up – they buy her a fleet of cars, let her sit at home planning nights out, without a job, pick her up when she’s falling down drunk, send her away to Texas, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, etc. She now claims that she’s depressed and has some sort of phobias that had never manifested themselves before. Her missing a couple of flights was just one more example of her ability to manipulate them. She pushes the envelope, looks at what they’ve done before and just thumbs her nose at them, winning another round. It’s always one more chance, over and over again.
      One of the definitions of a scheme is an underhand plot. Given that Ashley’s only focus in life is how she will prevail, in the moment, I’d say she’s got that definition covered. She plays her parents like a fiddle.

  3. Donna says:

    neat quote on my facebook
    “when you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out”

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