There were two standouts in this episode, Dr. Amador and a sailboat called the “Maria Cristina”. Jason and Bethenny, as well as another couple, Chad and Luz, were on the boat ride, but the 22 hours aboard would have turned out very differently were it not for the doctor and his sailboat. The two couples, there for an exercise in relationships, took turns piloting, cooking and buoy spotting, and the therapist saw to it that they walked away with much more than how to maneuver around shoals.
Jason started off the trip, begrudgingly, and thought he had found an ally in Chad, who had similar thoughts about how and why he had come along. Both felt pressured to spend the day on a boat with their partners, and weren’t completely open to what they had imagined was going to happen. Dr. Amador, however, refocused both of the reluctant men, making the trip about their significant others, their relationships and how to understand themselves, as well.
Dr. Amador first laid out some basic guidelines for the trip by telling all four of them that if he asked them to do something, they had the right to decline, but that if he told them to do something, they were to follow his instructions and comply. He, ever so gently, and without judgment, made comments about what he had observed with regard to how the couples communicated. When Jason said that he liked to push Bethenny’s buttons because he loved her, the doctor said that he found that when he, himself, pushed buttons, it was because he was acting out of hurt or frustration. He told all four that almost everyone is nicer to others than they are to their spouses.
Luz said that she and Chad had problems arguing because he could become hot-headed, something with which Chad agreed. Bethenny said that if she had called Jason hot-headed, he would have responded with the fact that she is damaged. When Dr. Amador asked Jason what he wanted for himself in 10 years, Jason said that he wanted to be married to Bethenny.
Jason was dispatched to the galley to help his wife with dinner preparations, something that didn’t work out very well. Below deck, Jason became seasick, unable to stay below as he became increasingly nauseous, and went to the deck to get some air. When he returned, he went straight to bed. Dr. Amador talked to Bethenny and Jason, bedside, about their ongoing and circular arguments. Bethenny said that she felt as if her spirit was broken, and that, in order for Jason to love her, she would have to become someone she wasn’t. Jason replied that he didn’t want her to change, that he had, in fact, married herbecause of who she is. He also admitted that he had said painful and hurtful things to his wife.
Dr. Amador suggested that when Jason makes comments about Bethenny’s loss of a “real” family, that she should accept that as a fact, but not necessarily a fault. He told the two that Bethenny’s differences with regard to the definition of a family doesn’t mean that they and their daughter, couldn’t be their own family. Jason brought up how he felt about his parent’s marriage and Bethenny’s hesitance to let them in more. He described his parents as having unconditional love – a concept, which while romantic, doesn’t truly exist. All relationships have conditions. We love others because they support us, they don’t hurt us and they treat us with respect and dignity. Those are the conditions, as simple as they may seem, that keep relationships in tact. Should any of us fail to meet those basic requirements, and the relationship will begin to erode.
Bethenny said that she is making an effort to accept her in laws, just as much as she is learning to let Jason in, more and more, as their marriage grows. She is as much a stranger to her husband’s definition of family as he is to hers. For that, they are beginning to realize that they will make their own family, combining their experiences, rather than judging and dismissing them.
Dr. Amador then sends the Hoppys back to the deck to take their watch, relieving Chad and Luz. The doctor tells them that he has lost the GPS, that it has broken, and that he is trying to get them some help. He has called to Coast Guard in an effort to find another boat that might guide them to shore, as they are at the mercy of the tides and in danger from the rocks and shoals. The Coast Guard radios back that they have found a boat towing company that is willing to act as their guide to Nantucket, but that it will take some time.
All throughout the very long wait for the tow boat, Dr. Amador never appears to lose either his sense of calm or good humor. Although he says that, in his 30 years of sailing, he has never experienced the loss of an instrument, he did admit that he had been in his boat as the cabin filled with water from rough weather. When the tow finally arrives, Dr. Amador comments that “Life is what happens when I’m busy making plans”. I guess that’s it in a nutshell. While we are busy making lists and scheduling our activities, life sometimes has other ideas for us.
Back on dry land, Bethenny and Jason are ecstatic to see their daughter, and little Bryn is smothered in affection and kisses. At lunch, with Dr. Amador, the couple do seem to have learned some individual lessons. Bethenny realizes that she has never considered the possibility that they may not always be there for their daughter. Jason says that he had his eyes opened to the fact that he does push his wife’s button’s out of frustration at times, and that, perhaps, he should be a little more patient to her needs. The two agree that they have to find a way to get through things that bother them – big and little things. They both learned that no amount of money, or homes, or cars, or careers can make things better when you’re really in trouble. Dr. Amador tells them that he was impressed with the fact that they managed to experience the 22 hour ordeal without an argument or becoming defensive. For that alone, it was a day and night well spent.
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING !!! WHOOP WHOOP
Jason and B have a long road ahead…. and marriage is like being at sea and on a boat…. There will be highs and lows and lots of obstacles ..But in the end when you work WITH each other it’s all worth it….. B needs to learn the art of compromise…It’s not just about HER any more…..
Nice to see you out on this fine Spring Day. Hope Mr Ford is improving and gets home soon.
I’m having a problem with WordPress It won’t let me sign in as BrownEyedGirl. Grr
Great Blog again Empress. Hope everyone enjoys a wonderful day…
I am as frustrated with WordPress as everyone else is. I’ve noticed that SH and The Chirping Twit have experienced similar problems with comments not coming through as well as log-in issues. I assure you that I, just like those at the other WordPress blog sites, have changed nothing regarding my settings. I apologize for the problem, and hope you understand.
Empress I had to click on the twitter icon, login & then I could comment. People may have to login to google, facebook, or wordpress now in order to comment. This just started happening a couple of days back to me.
Thanks for the blog Empress. I couldn’t watch a marriage counseling at sea episode so I turned the show off.
I just wish these two people would stop being so self centered. There is too much Bethenny the Personality and Jason the Hero in their marriage. Jason I think learned during high school and college that he could get any girl he wanted. He went to the big city to get a big catch – a famous successful woman. Well, he got one. Too bad that successful people, himself included, are pretty egotistical and are accustomed to getting their own way. Being a success in Manhattan takes a certain amount emotional armor.
Going to the mattresses for psychological warfare is second nature to NYers. That is not a formula for a peaceful marriage.
JASON….. HERO ???
Well…. lets hear about it now…LOL LOL LOL
I think Jason views himself that way. Bigger than life. Better than life. If I can’t tame her nobody can!
I look forward to seeing this episode for myself but I thank you Empress for your interpretation of the story we’ve all heard so much about for such a long time now.
My first sailing experience was on a friend’s Flying Dutchman in English Bay here in Vancouver which was a lot of fun. Since then I’ve sailed in Hawaii, the Caribbean, around S. F., around Vancouver and Seattle. A friend and I took sailing lessons at a school in Berkeley and were out sailing on S.F. Bay in tiny little 12 ft boats. S. F. Bay has some very gnarly sailing conditions and every other year the St. Francis Yacht Club there hosts “The Big Boat Series”, with boats upwards of 70 ft. race around the bay. It’s a very exciting event and if you’re lucky enough to get up close, as I was, to watch the crews of these boats in their highly coordinated efforts to stay ahead of the pack, you’re going to see teamwork at its most magnificent.
The friend whose Flying Dutchman I first sailed on came to S.F. to buy a boat and we spent some time sailing on S.F. Bay so that he and his crew could get accustomed to the boat before sailing up the coast to Vancouver. The second time we went out one of the sails, the mainsail maybe, was torn to shreds by the wind and, for the first time with Michael at the helm, I was terrified. We got the boat all cleaned up and provisioned and after a couple of weeks of playing the boys set sail and headed north. A week later I got a call from Michael who told me they were renting a car and planned to return to S.F. They’d moored the boat in a town on the Northern California coast after a treacherous week of battling the Pacific Ocean, making very little headway and with the entire crew seasick. Michael had to hire a boat delivery crew to get the boat up here and when I hooked up with the guys again at least one of them had a haunted look in his eyes. He said he may never set foot on a sailboat again.
I’ve been scared on both big and small boats and while I feel that Bethenny frequently overreacts to many situations, in this case I have more empathy for her than I usually do.
Being out on the water always did scare me. I wouldn’t mind a short cruise on a calm day close to shore in shark free waters but that’s about it!
You’d better stick to boating on an inland lake if you want shark-free. Being the predators they are, they do seem to proliferate. I’ve seen sharks swimming close to shore and the Marin beach I frequented most, and I mean several days a week, had signs up a couple of times warning of shark sightings close to shore. It’s pretty scary for sure.
Watching Bethenny & Jason was pretty painful. I like Dr. Amador & he seems to know what he’s doing & stayed calm. After they get off the boat, it looked to me like Jason wanted to hug B but all she did was kneel down & kiss the boat landing! Guess she prefers that to Jason? They also seemed detached & cold to each other at the rental house with the scene with the nanny & Brynn. Looks like they have a lot of work to do before their relationship is warm & fuzzy again. Altho in my cynical mind, I suspect the other couple were paid actors, and the lack of warmth displayed is all “acting” as well, so that we can see their marriage get better in the episodes to come. The other day I caught B retweeting a msg from someone asking about her products. @happymomoftwo is an “egg” has 4 followers & 2 tweets (yesterday), now 1 tweet today. Both tweets I saw were to B asking about her product, & then her show….suspicious. Looks like a made up tweeter to me!
I find Bethenny incredibly annoying, and there’s no way I could watch this. I find it hard to believe that the psychologist/captain of a… what… 60 foot vessel? didn’t have a fucking compass on board. I’m no expert, but I have sailed from the Vineyard to Stamford in a 28 ft. boat w/ my ex, with a compass, a route which my ex had done maybe twice before, dropping anchor at night in fairly calm seas. Big deal. The only problem was that it was October and really, really cold above and below deck.
I can’t imagine that Bethenny’s skipper/psychobabblegist didn’t have a compass on board, or didn’t know his way around those parts. I just can’t.
I admire what Bethenny’s done with her business, etc. and I don’t have an opinion on her personal life, but I think her show is a really bad Bravo joke.
V5 totally agree with you – Bethenny is just one big infomercial blahblahblah buy my crap. On twitter she’s always retweeting something someone tweeted to her about her show/product(s)/book(s)/dvd(s) yadayada. HA! So not true. I looked up some of the “customers” tweeting to her & they look suspiciously like set up accounts just to tweet her & promote her crap. So over it, I can’t even watch the show anymore. Let’s see how the talk show goes….if she uses it as a platform to sell her crap then I’m out. Only going to watch it for the curiosity factor anyway. Yes I was a big Bethenny supporter buy I’m now jaded.
Wendy Williams is copying Bethenny/Joan et al by starting a jewelry & shoe line. The name is clever “Adorn.” Sorry ain’t buying that crap either!
I’d rather wear gold sprayed painted macaroni around my neck than to spend a nickel on ANY of the crap these people try to hawk to us…….
I am over all of them
B…never really cared for her to begin with…so no love loss there….. I think Ramona was right that day on the bridge…B will screw up her relationship with Jason and end up being alone..
B really is her MOTHERS DAUGHTER whether she wants to acknowledge it or not…and I think B knows it…..LOL
Diva, we must have had a “vulcan mind meld” lol I was thinking exactly the same thing just hours ago. Yep, Ramona got to know B pretty well & she called it. Bethenny spent her personality formative years with a spiteful, bitter mother….therapy can help but when you’re programmed to react a certain way, it’s tough to change. At this point the fact that Jason wants to be married to B ten years from now after what we’ve seen him do on the show (walk away before the boat trip, saying “it’s not worth it to me” etc) speaks volumes about the fact that he wants her money more than her love. At least to me. B is probably hard to be around for more than 10 minutes, sad to say.
Diva, praying for Mr. Ford & you too. Hope he’s getting better.