The Real Housewives of Atlanta – From Motherhood to Haterville

The women are preparing to leave South Africa, and Marlo and Nene have a member of the hotel staff who they call “blue eyes” to help them.  Marlo has a list of instructions, particularly with the handling of her purses and shoes.  Each shoe and each purse has its’ own bag, and those bags are to be put into more bags.  Given the numbers of shoes and purses Marlo brought, that comes to about 75 bags, and we haven’t even gotten to the clothing, makeup and jewelry.  She also tells “blue eyes” that her sunglasses have their own cases, and should be placed in each case according to the labels they bear.

As the group exits the resort, the staff is lined up outside and they are singing.  I know nothing about the language they were singing in, but the melody sounded, at least to me, like “Georgia On My Mind”.  Phaedra  says that she was very moved by the experience and notes that material things don’t matter as she has never seen anyone “buried with a closet”.  It is also raining as they depart, which they think means Africa is crying about the fact that they are leaving.  Yes it is – tears of joy.

We see our poor overworked, and ever frazzled new mom, Kim, who is on her computer, trying to find a nanny.  She is looking for Sweetie to help her because she can’t do everything, even with her two housekeepers, Pincha and Fefe.  Pincha takes K.J. for Kim, who has spotted Sweetie poolside.  After getting Sweetie back inside, Pincha tells them that she has seven years experience as a nanny.  Well, there you have it – Kim can take a nap now because that web surfing is exhausting.

Cynthia is back at home with her daughter Noelle, and Peter, who wants to make it very clear that he had to take care of everything while his bride ran off to South Africa without him.  He tells her what an amazing cook he is, even better than his wife.  When Cynthia gives her daughter a couple of gifts she bought for her while in Cape Town, Peter whines about not getting any presents.  Noelle is gracious enough to sacrifice her elephant key chain (not a koala) so that Peter won’t pout for the rest of the day.

Having been placated, he says that he wants to throw a one year wedding anniversary party for them, and has enlisted Nene’s help.  While he’s on the subject of his good friend, Nene, he tells Cynthia that Bryson was arrested for larceny – he stole razors from Wal-Mart.  Peter, the spokesman for all enlightened males, says that a woman can’t raise a man, only another man can do that.

Peter and Nene meet with the event planner who worked on Cynthia’s and Peter’s wedding.  From the sound of things,  Peter paid him about a week ago – if the check cleared.  Peter tells him that he wants an event at a friend’s house for about 150 people, to be held between 7PM and midnight.  He also doesn’t want a lot of food, because when you invite that many people during dinner hour, they come hungry and eat a lot. Nene wants mermaids in the pool or maybe synchronized swimmers.  This is probably why there won’t be much money left for food and why these people should stop at Burger King on the way over.  When the poor event planner asks Peter if he brought his checkbook for a deposit, Peter says that of course he didn’t, and will give him money when he sees the final price.

Peter then tells Nene what he knows about Bryson and tells her that she should bond him out as Bryson has been in jail for 5 days.  Nene does not want to bond him out because she believes that he won’t learn anything if she keeps helping him.  He has also missed appointments with his probation officer stemming from a prior conviction.  Peter keeps insisting that Nene doesn’t understand what can happen if Bryson remains in jail.  He tells her that he knew young men, when he was younger, who never came out of jail alive.  Nene tells him that she will think about what he has said.

Kim is having a luncheon, which is being prepared by her chef, and has invited Kandi, Sheree and Phaedra.  On their way to Kim’s house, Kandi and Phaedra drive through some of the gorgeous neighborhoods that make up Buckhead, Georgia.  They also swing by Sheree’s building lot, which is still no more than a hole in the ground with a rusted backhoe nearby.  Kandi mentions that she has owned a lot for years, but hasn’t started building yet.

Sheree is first to arrive for lunch at Kim’s, mostly because she wants to further bury Kandi in the nonsense  started in Cape Town about Kim and black babies.  Now, we know what we saw and heard, but Sheree has her very own special way of interpreting things.  Kim tells us that she trusts Sheree and that Sheree has had her back for 10 years.  I guess that whole wig pulling thing was just a moment of girlish silliness between a couple of buddies.

Kandi and Phaedra arrive, and Kim is loaded for bear.   Sheree is licking her paws and grooming herself, grinning like the Cheshire cat.  Phaedra, who is always watching and listening, says that she’s pretty certain that they’re “gonna have to relive another episode of foolery” – something that should be the opening line for every Housewives franchise.  Kim goes right after Kandi about the black babies and orphanage story.  Kandi is now put into the position of trying to prove a negative.  Kim tells her, and us, that she is a nurse and went to college for years (?), because that is what she is as a person.  Kandi says that Kim hasn’t used her nursing skills in years, and that Sheree is painting a very different picture than what actually what was said and what was meant.

I agree with Kandi that all she meant was that Kim would not go anywhere if Nene and Marlo were there.  Kim would not be one to ride in a Range Rover to go on safari.  Hell, she complained about the accommodations on Kandi’s tour bus.  Kim would not go to an orphanage if she believed there were germs.  Generosity and altruism are not Kim’s strengths.  I don’t think that Kim is racist – I think she’s just a lazy, culturally and intellectually incurious, wig-wearing lump of silicone.   Sheree is following very closely in her footsteps and their rekindled friendship is by design.  Sheree sees Kim with a football player and just starts drooling.  So, I have a suggestion for Sheree.  Get a job.  Get on I-20, head east out of Atlanta and get off of the highway in Augusta.  They’re building a pair of nuclear reactors there.  You would just glow.


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4 Responses to The Real Housewives of Atlanta – From Motherhood to Haterville

  1. Rose Colored Glasses says:

    You have captured a quality I see in Sheree with that phrase “licking her paws and grooming herself, grinning like the Cheshire cat”. Spot on.
    Sheree should have spoken up at the time the remarks were made, in the jeep. Sheree and Kim have tussled in the past and I suspect you are right about Sheree’s motivations now. Sheree is still yanking Kim’s wig!
    Thanks for the recap. Hope the Emperor is OK.

  2. Designdiva says:

    Well once again Empress an AWESOME BLOG…

    Atlanta SUCKS…
    Sheree is just a nasty vindictive BEEITCH… and KARMA is coming to her for sure..
    Kandi…over her also..
    Phaedra… her voice is starting to grate on me…UGH
    Cynthia… NO WORDS……
    Nene…what a hoot she is… She got it right …let PITA sit his happy ass in County.. 3 hots and a cot … PETER… WHAT AN ASSHOLE… OOHH poor kid has to be in county with murderers and pedos…UM SURE… they are not grouped like that… They have tiers.. A block B block C block.. and different colored jumpsuits for each tier…. LOL LOL Guess Peter forgot basic County 101.. they weren’t keeping bryce locked up for shoplifting..they were keeping him locked up for
    VIOLATION OF PROBATION….. and PETER should get locked up for trying to CON bravo out of another PARTY for making it to one year with his bride..who gives a rat ass… not me…. ONE YEAR really !!!!! you party when it’s been TEN YEARS or more….. Take Cynthia to Five Guys for a burg and fries and let’s see where they are this time next year… FULTON COUNTY SUPERIOR COURT….. LOL
    KIM…what a waste of space….

    Kandis new show… BLOWS… wont be watching it ….
    flipped and watched GCB on ABC last night… so corny it was funny….. I will be watching… winks


  3. PussyGalore says:

    Hi Ladies……….Initially I found Kandy to be an engaging individual with an interesting story and someone with real talent and skills. I don’t understand why it was necessary for her to start dealing in dildos. Initially I found Nene to be interesting and pretty funny but I now see her as a complete bully and just another reality television narcissist. Phaedra was sort of interesting but by time she came along I’d pretty much lost interest in the Atlanta franchise. I imagine though that is due to the fact that I’ve pretty much lost interest in all the franchises and most of the women.

    At this point I feel somewhat vested in seeing the TA/MMR situation through to the legal proceedings in July. It’s important that TA be exposed so that Russell’s children, parents, other family members and dear friends are able to find some measure of peace and vindication. I’m hoping that will be the outcome at any rate.

    And depending on who returns next season with that particular franchise I may still be interested in watching but that will depend entirely on who stays on and who doesn’t. I most likely will watch RHONY when it finally airs here in Canada but from what I’m hearing about RHOOC I don’t think I have the intestinal fortitude to endure another season of Vicki and Tammy. I’ve never liked Vicki and she’s gotten worse and worse as time goes by.

    It all seems very tired and old to me at this point. While I am most grateful for the group of women who I’ve been so fortunate to have connected with because of these shows and the blogs, such as yours Empress, that discuss them, the shows themselves are holding very little interest for me lately.

    • Hey PG,
      Maybe Bravo really should throw out the baby with the bathwater. It is becoming increasingly difficult to write about these “ladies”, never mind watching them. We’ll see if the new NY crew brings something better. If not, then it’s time for us to rethink what we’re watching, writing and reading.

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