Bethenny Ever After – The Damaged One

A good part of this episode takes place in Montauk.  Some of it is about business as Bethenny and her partner host the annual Skinnygirl party.  Another part of it is about Jason and Bethenny, Julie and her sister, Joanie, and Bryn.  In between is a smattering of Dwayne, Bethenny’s driver, who provides some much needed comic relief.  Dwayne loves having Bethenny as his boss, almost as much as he loves “lazy lingerie” and his wife’s 38DD Spanish knockers.

When Jason arrives, he and Bethenny exchange some words that show that they are still struggling with being a married couple.  Jason says that he is not allowed to say the things in public that Bethenny is free to say.  Bethenny says that she feels as if she is the tortured one.  Jason looks to Dwayne for some support on the male point of view.  Dwayne says that Bethenny may be the one who is innerly tortured but that she does torture Jason.

After the Skinnygirl party, where Bethenny played matchmaker for Joanie, Jason and Bethenny have some alone time.  They take a boat ride, courtesy of the manager of the Montauk Yacht Club.  While aboard, the couple talks about how nice it is to have some time without Bryn, and that they don’t have to be on duty, sharing the care of their daughter for a little while.  They also talk about the purchase of their new apartment and the fact that they can now afford things like that.   They are happy and loving, and are very excited to meet back up with their daughter and friends in Montauk.

Back in New York City, the couple meets with the team they have assembled to redo their new apartment – an architect, a contractor and a design team.  Jason just wants to know that he has a footprint somewhere in the new home and is assured that there will be a man-cave.  Bethenny is concerned about closets and storage space for her business-related inventory.   The team of professionals are told that they have three months to complete the work that would normally take six months.

The Hoppys are in the city to spend time visiting with their granddaughter and have taken Bryn out for the day.  Bethenny and Julie are alone and are talking about the changes the two have gone through together.  Julie says that she misses the fact that it isn’t just the two of them anymore.  However, she is also grateful that Bethenny has Jason and Bryn because Bethenny has changed her priorities to a degree.  It is not all about work, but has evolved into worrying about having evenings and weekends with family.  Julie says that the new apartment space as well as the new schedule means that Jason and Bethenny will have some privacy.  Julie says that she has heard everything.

Bethenny is talking with Dr. Amador who asks her if she misses Jason, who is visiting his parents.  Bethenny says that she does miss him and feels lonely when he is not there.  Dr. Amador suggests that the couple attend a relationship renewal workshop.  This will mean that the three of them take a boat from Long Island to Nantucket with Jason and Bethenny alternating the role of captain.  After each three hour watch, the two will undergo a debriefing period where their management style and coping skills will be discussed and critiqued.  The therapist says that it is a method for learning to deal with adversity, much like in a marriage.

Bethenny raises the idea with Jason, who is not comfortable with the idea of therpay and doesn’t want to spend a weekend being analyzed.   The two begin to bicker with Jason stating his distaste for being put under a microscope.  He feels that they may find out things about each other that they may not be happy about.  Bethenny responds with “like that we don’t like each other”.   She says that she accepts Jason as he is and that she has made changes since they have been together.  She also tells her husband that he doesn’t communicate the same way in public as he does when it just the two of them.

Jason tells her that he is tired of being called perfect and that he knows he is not perfect.  He says that she uses that in very one of their arguments as a defense mechanism.  Bethenny says that she is the damaged one and doesn’t measure up.  Jason responds that an apology is never enough for his wife because she never really lets an argument just end.  He also tells her that this very conversation has blown up all out of proportion, to which Bethenny says “as always”.

This is probably how it goes with this couple.  Bethenny does have issues with insecurity and abandonment, particularly with men she loves.   She pushes, just to see how far she can, and if the recipient will stand up to it and stay.  She also has, from all appearances, a mother who resents and envies her daughter.  Jason, with his proclamation that he doesn’t like therapy is, in effect, telling his wife that her own sessions are pretty much a waste of time.  Both are partners in this and Bethenny needs to work on putting her past in a big box and bury it.  On the other hand, Jason, as her husband, should make some effort to understand why his wife sees her therapist.  I’m not saying that he has to embrace the idea with some new found fervor, but a slightly more subjective and supportive stance might help things for both of them.  They’re partners, but they’re still new at this and they’re still speaking two different languages.  Neither one has surrendered yet.


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6 Responses to Bethenny Ever After – The Damaged One

  1. windycitywondering1 says:

    Nice blog Empress! I am sensing a Jason vs Bethenny conversation coming on – Jason isn’t perfect and Bethenny isn’t all that flawed. The different styles of dealing with marriage, conversations, disagreements and expectations is one that all couples go through to varying degrees – the journey is different for all couples. IMO, Bethenny is smart not to show just the good stuff and focuses more on showing the different relationships in both her personal and business life. And that baby is so sweet!

    • I pushed away some cobwebs and thought back to how my husband and I must have looked and sounded in the first few years we were married. I don’t think anyone would have placed a bet on that one, but 33 years later, here we are, and we still like and love each other.

      • PussyGalore says:

        Wow! Congratulations Empress and Emperor. I did not realize that you’d been together that long. So you met and married when you were 7 or 8 I gather.

        “She pushes, just to see how far she can, and if the recipient will stand up to it and stay”.
        And at some point she pushes too hard, too far, once too often and he doesn’t stay. Throughout the time Bethenny was on RHONY, which was three seasons I believe, I was a fan and I can’t recall even once taking an opposing side in any of her conflicts. I was firmly in her corner; she could do no wrong.

        That all changed with the advent of BEA. She must have felt the need to ramp things up because she maybe felt that she was carrying the whole show. Her once witty bon mots began to sound more caustic and in your face than witticisms. It was no longer cute and charming but rather irksome. And it’s just gone downhill from there, in my eyes, at any rate. She lost a lot of points in my estimation treating Jason’s parents so poorly.

        I don’t know when their new season will begin to air here but, as with all the other Bravo
        shows, I’ll tune in but it will be more like background music. I hope for the sake of Bryn that they’re able to weather the storm.

  2. Nancy says:

    Hi Empress,
    How is your husband feeling? Hope all is well.

  3. Adgirl says:

    I’m with you guys. I think this public examination of the Hoppy marriage is going to end up just fine. I think Jason knew exactly who he was marrying. He likes assertive & complicated women.

    Didn’t Jason and Bethenny meet when he saw her filming at a nightclub and then asked her “When are you getting that stick out of you a$$?” I rest my case.
    Both of these people would exhaust me to spend 2 days with. They constantly need people around and places to go to. Yuck.

    WTF about the racoons. That infuriated me.

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