Bravo has been showing reruns of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” for a few days now. As I didn’t start watching this franchise until Season 3, at first I found it interesting. Then it became a little annoying, like when you’ve got the theme song from Disney’s “It’s a Small World” stuck in your head. After a couple of days it just turned into something like waterboarding. I was ready to tell Bravo that yes, it was me on the grassy knoll. I should be grateful for small favors, however – at least it wasn’t a weekend of “Millionaire Matchmaker”.
I did learn a few things, though. I met people like Quinn, Jo and Laurie. I also noticed that Slade has had his very own storyline through the years. I am now giving Slade the edge over Simon Van Kampen as the man most driven to be a Housewife. I only bestow this dubious honor because I never thought that Simon wanted to seduce or bed down with Luann or Jill. Slade has covered more territory at Coto de Caza than the landscaping company. Coto de Caza, by the way, means “game preserve” in Spanish, and the original plans included a hunting lodge – insert your own jokes here.
Tonight we meet Heather Dubrow, aka Heather Paige Kent, who tells everyone that she is an actress. She is. Really. I looked her up and she does have a number of roles to her name. I didn’t recognize many of them, with the exception of a short-lived TV series called “That’s Life” and that’s only because it starred Paul Sorvino and Ellen Burstyn. Her husband is a plastic surgeon, Terry Dubrow and he is a reality show veteran. His television biography lists him as having appeared on “The Swan” and “Bridalplasty”. This has to be a West Coast phenomenon because I’ve seen a lot of doctors in my life and none of them have been regulars on TV shows.
Gretchen and Tamra go to lunch, despite Slade’s objections, in an attempt to resolve their issues. It seems to go fairly well and Tamra gives Gretchen a bracelet which is supposed to lock up their past or unlock their future or something. What both of them are most worried about is how Vicki is take the news of their reconciliation. Frankly, they’re just afraid of Vicki.
Vicki is selling the family home and Donn is still living there. She says she’s okay with that because she needs his paycheck. Apparently he wants hers, too, in the form of spousal support. Tamra shares her divorce stories with Vicki at another lunch, this time at Vicki’s office, because we know that Vicki works very, very hard and can’t leave work until the middle of the night. It is very sad to hear how both of their husbands ran off with younger women. I didn’t remember it that way, but it has been a while since we saw what really happened, so I guess a little revisionist history between friends is alright. She does tell us that her new boyfriend, Brooks, fills her love tank but, then again, Brooks lives in Tupelo, Mississippi, so maybe it doesn’t need filling very often.
Tamra is showing a building lot or two to the new Housewife, Heather. That is such a coincidence. Tamra asks Heather to meet her for coffee and, well, so far so good. Tamra invites Heather to a party that Vicki is throwing because she and Vicki are like sisters. I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’d say that out loud. Given the kitchen conversation between Tamra and Peggy about Jim, I think that Tamra’s invitation is just another way to torture Alexis.
Speaking of Alexis, she is doing live commentary one day a week for the local Fox station. She’s getting ready, and it all very difficult. She is trying to run her home and fashion business and take care of her family and now this. I don’t know how she does it. Oh, and yes, she has to wake Jim up so that he can get the kids ready for school, but she forgot to set his alarm and doesn’t know her new home phone number, so she can’t reach him. Good thing she has an assistant to drive her around.
We get to see her at work during a segment for National Booty Awareness Month. Why don’t I know about these things? Is this a holiday? Will the mail be delivered? Anyway, she is supposed to appear with Dr. Booty. Alexis says he is very educated in derrieres. Who am I to question credentials like that? The good doctor has categorized booties according to his favorite fruits – the pear, the lemon, the apple and the cherry. It is a veritable badonkadonk salad.
Alexis is very proud of herself and believes that the sky’s the limit as far as her career opportunities, even announcing the possibility of going into space or becoming the next Katie Couric. Alexis, honey, Katie interviews women who run countries. There’s that whole “I feel safer with a man running the country” thing that might give you pause. From what we saw, she really should think long and hard about that journalism career. Maybe, in a while, she could raise her sights a little higher – like interviewing someone who is very educated in breasts and has categorized them within some other food group.
There are a couple of different conversations going on about that dreamboat, Jim Bellino. Tamra is pressing Peggy for dirty details about Jim, and Alexis is telling Gretchen that everything that has ever gone wrong in her life is because Peggy is still lusting after Jim. Jim isn’t going to be on camera very much this season, if at all. He says that he doesn’t like the other women. He may not like the Housewives or cameras, but that doesn’t mean he’s gone. Jim has started a blog called “getting REAL weekly”and you can find it on Alexis’ Facebook page.
Watch What Happens Live
Taylor Armstrong and Gretchen Rossi were guests. Gretchen looked nice. That’s all I’ve got.