The Real Housewives of New York City – Unhappy Anniversary

Ramona’s back from Africa and she’s just full of stories about lions having quickies.   She and the group are at another charity event featuring jewelry designed by a friend of Heather’s.  Sonja is running late and Aviva isn’t there – also by design.   Heather begins to fill Ramona in on all of the Aviva/Carole drama and Ramona, who has found inner peace during her trip, wants Heather to meet with Aviva to see if the two can mend their very broken fences.  Heather isn’t so sure that anything good will come from a meeting and she really doesn’t want Aviva at her 10th anniversary party, and who could blame her?  She had originally invited Aviva, then uninvited her.   LuAnn is in attendance, wearing another set of coasters on her ears and is still keeping company with Jacques.  She’s shocked by  Ramona’s tale of the king of the jungle’s sexual activities and wants us to know that what happens in Africa should stay in Africa.  From what’s about to happen, maybe Ramona should have stayed in Africa.

Ramona, Sonja and Aviva are shopping at The Container Store and now it’s Aviva’s turn to argue her side of the story to Ramona.  Ramona, still channeling the Dalai Lama, tells Aviva that she should talk with Heather one on one.  Heather is holding a Yummie Tummie photo shoot with Kristen modeling leggings when Ramona calls. Ramona still thinks Heather should get together with Aviva and puts the conversation on speaker so that Aviva can pipe in when necessary.  The two own finally agree to speak, probably so Ramona will stop interfering.  They don’t know the depths of Ramona’s type of interference.

Ep 6: Unhappy Anniversary

Heather meets with Aviva and it goes pretty much as we expected it would.  Aviva starts rattling off everything anyone has ever called her and a few things she just made up for good measure.  She also repeats that Carole and Heather “verbally raped her” and adds “she took it up the butt.”   Where does she come up with this stuff?  It wasn’t that good the first time, so there really isn’t any reason to repeat it, other than for Aviva to continue her role as victim.   She also tells Heather she’s “deeply, deeply hurt”  and asks Heather if she has any idea why.  Aviva asks this over and over “Do you know why?”  “Well, do you?”  “Do you want to know?”, “Do you?” – until Heather finally tells her she’s being dramatic, to get a job and calls her Miss Vassar.  Aviva, in her talking head, points out the “stay at home mom” jab, hoping none of us remember that she has called Carole old, and insinuated that the writer is an outcast among the Kennedy clan.  I guess those comments don’t count and anyway – so what, Aviva?  Heather says that she doesn’t really like Aviva all that much and asks her if she gives a shit about her.  Aviva says she does.  Heather then says she was outraged about the comments Aviva made about Carole.  Aviva then asks Heather if she and Carole are lovers.  What is this woman talking about?  This sounded a lot like Kelly Bensimon asking Bethenny and Ramona if they were going to make out, tongues and all, on Scary Island.  She wants Heather to understand that Carole’s book is like having babies, or something, and says that Carole’s comments were akin to asking a new mother if she’d had natural childbirth or a Cesarean.  My right eye is starting to twitch.  Some sort of loose truce is brokered between them and Aviva asks Heather if she’ll help to mend things for her with Carole.  Heather tells Aviva she can come to the anniversary party.

A couple of scenes gave us a tiny break from all of the fighting, until more fighting started.  The first was with Carole, Kristen and Jonathan, Heather’s husband.  The three of them met to sample caviar because as Jonathan tells it, “Caviar is foreplay for Heather.”   They also share a little naughty talk about threesomes and pick out what they hope is the perfect caviar for Heather.  Ramona also had a few moments to lament the fact that her daughter is going off to college.  She tells Avery that she should have a job and Avery says that she wants to work for her father’s business because she’d rather spend more time with him. Ramona looked a little hurt to hear that.  The other scene was one we probably could have done without and caused my left eye to start twitching.   Brandi and Yolanda met with Kristen and Carole to have lunch and talk about sex.  Brandi tells a story about Kristen’s bachelorette party in Las Vegas and a kiss between Kristen and an Elvis impersonator.  Things that happen in Vegas don’t stay in Vegas if Brandi has anything to say about it.  Brandi wants to know about Carole and George Clooney, and Carole laughs it off, saying that they dated during the Eisenhower administration.  When Kristen says that she and her husband aren’t having a lot of sex these days, Carole, in her talking head, says that Kristen should practice blowing, because it’s all men really want, anyway.  With a shrug and an eye-roll,  she says “They don’t call it a job for nothin”.   If Bravo wants to do anymore franchise crossovers, then I hope they send Brandi to Atlanta, specifically to Kenya’s house.

Ramona and Sonja drop by Aviva’s apartment so they can get their stories straight about their true feelings regarding Heather talk about the strides Aviva has made with Heather.   Aviva announces that she got a text from Heather, uninviting her from the anniversary party, signing off with her signature “Holla!”   Ramona and Sonja are shocked, shocked, shocked by how mean Heather is being to Aviva, so they decide, then and there, to boycott the party as a sign of solidarity with Aviva.  If they can get over being called white trash or compared to Anna Nicole Smith, then Heather has a lot of nerve not being as forgiving as they are.

It’s the night of Heather’s party and most of the guests have arrived, including LuAnn and Jacques.  LuAnn is  licking her paws and smoothing her fur, just waiting for the opportunity beside herself with the burden of having to deliver the news of the boycott.   Kristen and Josh are walking toward the gathering and arguing over how late they, well how late he is.  She says that they don’t communicate and he responds that if not communicating is their biggest problem then they’re fine.   He doesn’t seem to be able to grasp that communicating is the most important thing in a marriage, but he seems to live in his own world, by his own rules.   Once everyone is in place and the party has been going on for an hour and a half, LuAnn makes the big boycott announcement.  Ramona and Sonja didn’t bother to tell Heather they weren’t coming, they just didn’t show up.   Heather is understandably upset, then tells the group that the people she wants there, are there.  She also tells them that Ramona is a shit-stirrer, the “Singer Stinger.”   Yes, Heather was right when she said that if she had done that to Ramona, there’d be hell to pay.  The battle lines are drawn – alliances have been formed.  Another group of Housewives are at war.

Heather’s husband gave her a tote bag filled with cans of caviar, which she loved.  She toasted him, proclaimed her love for him and danced the night away.  Amanda was nowhere to be seen – that’s good news, right?

This is a poem Carole wrote for Heather, at Jonathan’s request,  and was read at the 10th anniversary party.  We never heard it because that scene ended up on the cutting room floor.

Ten Years
You’re Super-wife to Jon,
and Yummie Mummie to Ella and Jax,
A friend to wayward Mermaid Queens,
An upstate girl, with big city dreams.

You can roll tough with Puffy, and still giggle with the girls.
Ride motorbikes in denim, or rock a black dress and pearls.
You always do what is right, and not just what’s popular.
You tell people your mind, without judgment or gossip-er.
You’re serious in business, yet playful in life.
Met Jon on a beach, now you’re husband and wife.

Like the Eagle and the Hummingbird,
the Lion and Lamb,
the Athlete and the Spectator,
Or Peanut butter, and jam
I draw from your strengths.
For our differences I give thanks
But also, for your cheshire cat smile
and those three-paneled tanks.

Cheers to your wonderful husband,
and your beautiful marriage,
and to our vodka-fueled cherry bombs.
and a friendship I chair-ish.

Empress

 

 

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The Real Housewives of New York City – Everybody Thinks We’re Drag Queens

LuAnn’s barbecue is still in full swing.  Amanda and Heather are arguing, with Amanda insisting that she doesn’t have to make a good impression.  Good thing she cleared that up because she really isn’t making a good impression.   Sonja starts to imitate her, calling her the “image consultant”.  Amanda decides that she should go back to where Aviva and Carole were last seen, also arguing, in order to play mediator.   Heather follows her, telling her to leave them alone.  Heather also tells LuAnn she should have Amanda leave the house.  She then turns to Amanda and tells her to “just walk out of here.”   Amanda says that Heather is insecure and goes right back into the middle of the Carole versus Aviva argument.  LuAnn offers Amanda some pie or cake.

Aviva and Carole are now fighting over well-wishers – who is and who isn’t.   LuAnn offers them fruit some fruit tart.   In Heather’s talking head, she says, “you don’t f**k with people’s careers”.  Aviva , in her talking head, says that Heather is a big, bad, femme fatale (?) bodyguard.   Aviva walks away from Carole and runs into Heather who wants to defend Carole’s position.  Reid steps in, after locating his cajones, and rallies to his wife’s side.   Amanda is lurking, always lurking,  garnering more camera time.  Now everyone is hollering at everyone else, except Kristen, who is just standing there, wondering why she ever signed a Bravo contract.  Heather says that Aviva is full of envy and when Aviva starts to respond, Heather tells her that she shouldn’t ever tell her anything – that was followed by Heather calling Aviva a name which involves a parental unit and an act of conscious coupling.  Aviva wonders if she learned that in prison.  I don’t think anyone had any pie, cake or fruit tart.

Sonja is holding a brunch at her borrowed Hampton’s house.  Harry arrives and kisses Sonja.  She lifts her coverup to show him her swimsuit and some other stuff.   The other guests are LuAnn and a girl friend, Aviva, Reid and their kids, along with Josh and Kristen and their two children.  Heather and Carole have made their escape, from Long Island already.  Sonja takes Aviva aside to tell her that the girls aren’t feeling her.  Aviva says that she doesn’t understand because she spends so much of her time helping and uplifting people.   Then Sonja’s tooth falls out.  Reid’s mother offers to help her out and they discuss their personal preferences in denture adhesives.

Back in the city, Carole, Heather and Kristen are at Abracadabra to find mermaid costumes, as Carole is to be named Queen of the Coney Island Mermaid Parade.  Sonja and Aviva are bonding over some laser treatments and they start to talk about what happened at LuAnn’s barbecue.   Aviva says that Heather and Carole were “verbally raping” her, and that they were out to hurt her.  She calls Heather a Brutus.  I’m lost here.  Did she mean Brutus like in traitor or Caligula like the poster emperor of debauchery?   Maybe she meant that Heather was a brute and just got confused over infamous Romans.  Who knows?  Sonja doesn’t want to spend a ton of money on a costume, so she has her designer friend stop by her townhouse to put together an appropriate outfit from Sonja’s wardrobe.  Her friend has found a red wig for her and we now have Red Sonja.  Sonja jumps onto her bed, goes into one of her burlesque routines, certain that she’ll catch some action in her homemade costume.

Aviva takes her children to a crafts shop and they begin to paint. Reid arrives just in time to see a text from Wendy Morgan, who was the young friend of Aviva’s when she had her accident.  The two haven’t spoken in over 36 years and Becky would like to meet with Aviva at the Morgan’s farm.  Aviva tells Reid that Becky has been carrying a heavy burden all this time, probably blaming herself for what happened.   Probably is the operative word, because Aviva never had any inclination or  took the time to reach out to Becky before now, either.   Yes, I guess Becky would be carrying a heavy burden, not knowing how Aviva felt about her for over three decades.  They decide to take Becky up on her offer because Aviva is now ready to face her fears.

Carole Radziwill, Kristen Taekman, LuAnn de Lesseps, Sonja Morgan

LuAnn and Kristen arrive in their costumes for the parade and get on the wrong float.  They can’t find the one they’re supposed to be one, so they go back to Lucky Cheng’s float where they’re joined by Sonja.  Sonja is having more problems with another one of her teeth, which can only mean that the Fixodent isn’t working.   LuAnn’s head is about to explode, having been made to endure endless breaches of class, good manners and decorum.   Just don’t ask her to explain her outfit.  Carole is finally crowned Queen of the parade – her King was Judah Friedlander of “30 Rock” – and the honor is bestowed by a man who calls her “Karen” Radziwill.   She can now hold two titles under two different names.  Heather arrives when the others are at the beach, and they gather to light a fire and recite some poem about friendship and the sisterhood of the traveling mermaid fins.

Aviva and Reid are on their way to Franklin, New York and the Morgan’s farm.  She tells him about the accident and relates every detail of how it happened, what it felt like and how it changed her life.  If it hadn’t happened, she would never have been in a position to help other amputees – every cloud has a silver lining.   I think he’s heard all this before, but we must have needed a reminder, in case we forgot.   She then says “s**t happens, it’s nobody’s fault.”   I guess that’s easy to say thirty years after the lawsuits were settled.  Becky is waiting for them when they arrive and the three of them hug.  Reid then asks for a place where he can go to get some work done and leaves the two women to talk.  They go inside and Aviva tells Becky that she saved her life.  She asks Becky if there was a lot of blood and Becky breaks down and cries.

Aviva Drescher

Aviva tells Becky that she wants to see the barn cleaner machine in which she caught her foot.  They meet back up with Reid and go to the barn.   Aviva stops, looks inside the barn and says “I can’t believe that this little mother f**ker did this to me.”  I wonder if she learned that in prison.  Aviva steps onto the machine, still working her way through her fears.    She gets off and asks Becky to turn the machine on, so that she can hear the noise it makes and how it operates.  She then tells Becky how the visit has been very cathartic.  In her talking head, Aviva says that she’s not afraid of it anymore, that she’s not falling apart anymore.  Maybe she shouldn’t have waited 36 years.

Empress

 

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Saturday Special – One week in

P1000114m2Well, I wanted a dog, and I got one. That isn’t something I regret of course but here she is and now what. Before Mel passed, the morning ritual had become.. wake up, leash him up, and take him out so he could take care of his business. It didn’t matter how cold it was or how much it snowed, that’s just what needed to be done. In fact, if it had snowed or was snowing, he was able to manage a little better. It didn’t make me very happy but there it is.. After he passed, I got a small reprieve from the weather in that I didn’t have to go out in it. Not first thing in any morning anyway.. That’s the last time I’ll speak of Melvin passing away.

In the couple weeks after he was gone, I was trying for a long distance adoption, and I had plenty of willing help to make that happen. In fact, I had one picked out due to one of our members having seen one at one of those Petco adoption day type things. That dog was Molly.. She is a poodle type mix with something else, had recently had a litter of puppies (a litter of 2) and they had been recently adopted out. She has kind of a don’t bother me, I’ll come to you type attitude, and she kind of fit the bill of what I was originally looking for. No, she does not have a tail. A visit had been made just to try and make sure the dog wasn’t the Tasmanian devil reincarnated and I had decided to take her. The only problem was, she was in Memphis area and getting her here was the tricky part. There are transports or one can make private arrangements which is what I tried to do because the shelter type transports run when they run and no guarantee as to when they’ll come to any given area. The final roadblock was the shelter didn’t want the dog riding in the baggage compartment of an airplane due to Possible pressure loss. There are no oxygen masks that drop down for the animals in that event. So all the hoops were what sent me looking local to see what was there. I was actually looking for someone like, Molly but what I wound up with was Lil Bit.. Molly looks to still be available if you’re in the Memphis area and interested. Click the picture for details. Once again, I cannot thank my online friend here enough for offering and trying to help me during that time. I still get choked up thinking about it.

When I last wrote, Lil Bit had been here a couple days. The first order of business was to change her name.. Say hello to Lucy. Many others were suggested, all good so, Lucy has several middle names. You can add one if you like.

So here we are.. I have a 9 month old pitbull mixed with something puppy. She’s kind of P1000192mrhousebroken but won’t wait for me if I’m feeling lazy. She’s getting use to the idea of bedtime which means she has to go into her crate for the night. She isn’t always jazzed about being in there but she eventually stops fussing, when she does, and settles down for the night, and never messes in the cage. She has to go out every morning whether I want to take her or not. She gets leashed every morning to go outside and each morning she sits on the landing by the side door and waits for me to drag my ass up the stairs to take her out. She’s adapting to all of it quite nicely.

I’ve had to develop hypersensitive hearing so I can decide  if what I hear her chewing on is something she’s suppose to have. The only thing she has destroyed was that cone of shame sh was P1000207mrwwearing when I brought her home (that I took off of her upon arrival).. Well, that and a couple tennis balls that she peeled apart.She’s beginning to understand the word no or rather my tone when I say it.. She’s very much right now, an out of sight out of mind type of animal. I can kind of control what she does if I’m there, if not there, yeah.. Forget it.. Right now I would expect nothing less from her.

She’s getting use to the leash and will actually sit down and let me put it on her. One thing she really seams to enjoy is going for rides. I’ve started this early with her because it’s too much of a pain in the ass to crate her every time I want to leave the house for something. Something I forgot about due to my past experience with both Mel and Charlie before him is, puppies do whatever is next. With them, I would put the window down so they could look out and let the wind blow through their faces.. With Lucy, like I said, whatever is next.

One day, We had errands to run and I don’t want to be constantly locking her up when I 2014-03-31-17-50-57leave the house so I took her with me. I put her leash handle on the seat belt latch so she can’t crawl in my lap.. The picture kind of shows it.. Everything was fine until I got a couple blocks from the house. I had opened the window all the way like I use to do for Melvin. At about a 3mph roll, the little shit Dove out the window. Fortunately her leash is long enough she didn’t hang herself but short enough she didn’t end up under the back wheel of the truck, and no one else was around.. That was our adventure for the day. She’s no worse for the wear but scared the shit out of me..

I won’t be doing these every week but when something interesting happens, I’ll be sure to share it.. Overall, I think this is a win win for all involved, except the critters who thought they were going to make my back yard a home :D Below is a shot of Lucy’s typical in house position..

P1000187m

 

 

Posted in Mel The Hound's Weekend Special | 51 Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City – Holla in the Hamptons

Sonja is late for rehearsal for her Caburlesque production, but it really doesn’t matter because she’s going to wing it anyway.  She has some backup dancers and her gay friend – she wants us to know she loves her gays – waiting to find out how this is going to work.  It’s all kind of confusing when she describes the theme – something about Liza Minnelli meets The Great Gatsby.  She’s so certain of its success that she can see it going to Los Angeles and Las Vegas.  It sounds just like every one of her hare-brained schemes.  Maybe she’ll pop out of a toaster oven during her routine.

Carole and Kristen are driving to the Hamptons for the big shows.  When they arrive in Montauk, they meet up with Heather for some surfing lessons.  As they wiggle and squirm their way into their wetsuits, Heather notes that it makes Yummie Tummie look like child’s play.  Once it’s on, though, she feels like Catwoman.  Carole is busily ogling, then flirting with the instructors.

Surfing Housewives

Sonja is borrowing a house from one of her friends in Southampton and has brought an entourage of interns with her – it takes a village, you know.  Oops, sorry, wrong Housewife.  She lets us know that one of the perks of the interns is working for her.   She’s having some trouble with her car and tells Tyler that he has to charge the battery and get some gas.  Another intern, Naomi – code name Pickles – is supposed to fix the rusted and falling front plate.   When she gets inside, Sonja uses the kitchen to practice her as yet undetermined routine.  She’s taken a shower and is so happy that the house has hot water because she’s saving money by not running any at her townhouse.  Please tell us you’re kidding, Sonja.

Everyone is gathering at an airplane hangar for the Caburlesque show which, we find out, is a charity event for the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth Center.  Sonja greets a friend of hers, Adriana La Glam, a drag performer who’s there to help Sonja with the show.  They try to have another rehearsal but Sonja decides that she doesn’t want anyone else on stage.  She’s a one-woman show.    Yes, she is.

The guests start to show up including Carole and Heather, Kristen and Josh, and Reid and Aviva who have brought the ever-present and always annoying Housewife groupie, Amanda.  LuAnn walks in and meets Kristen for the first time.  They chat about modeling and being tall and all sorts of important things.  While they try to have a conversation, Amanda is making weird sounds and griping about the quality of the martinis.  Apparently she overcame the bad booze problem, because she got drunker by the second.   Amanda spots Harry and tells the others that she knows him but he didn’t see her naked.  Okay.

Aviva makes a beeline for LuAnn and tells her how she’s made up with Ramona.  She then launches into her side of the ghostwriter saga, making sure to mention that “Princess” Carol is just awful.  She’s not going to get an argument from LuAnn, which is probably why she ran over to her in the first place.  LuAnn is still upset over some confrontations with Carole from last season.  This is sure to be the case of the shared enemy.  They decide that Carole is not a girl’s kind of girl.  While they’re talking, Heather is changing place cards to ensure that she and Carole are nowhere near Aviva.wenn20443960With some last minute help from Ben, Sonja is now ready to start her show.  The routine is pure Sonja with a couple of wardrobe malfunctions thrown in for good measure.  Amanda is  yapping throughout the whole thing.  “I saw a nipple”,  “That’s what menopause looks like” and to Aviva, simply “Oh my f**ing God.”   Heather can hear every word and, in her talking head, calls her the rudest person.

It’s the next morning and Kristen is hosting a get together for her friend Alba de Michael, a fashion designer.  Alba has a new line of swimsuits and cover ups and the women gather to try some pieces.  Sonja is checking out a very hot Argentinian – hmm, I see polo players.   Kristen comes out wearing one of the coverups and a very high cut swimsuit.  Heather arrives with Carole and Pickles brings them drinks.  I think she’s still Pickles.  She was Pizza and she might be Lettuce now.  It all depends on what’s in Sonja’s fridge.  The conversation turns to Harry and Sonja says that he’s with Aviva, Reid and Amanda.  Sonja thinks that Aviva is much more calm these days but Carole’s not quite so sure.  I now interrupt this recap for a special message from Vivacalm, brought to you by Aviva.  Yes, another Housewives’ promotion.

From Aviva’s Facebook page:  With my new product launching in March through GNC I thought I’d share some of the health benefits of the main ingredient Magnesium.    (Just my very humble opinion, but I don’t think Aviva is getting the desired result)

Across town, Aviva, Reid, Harry and Amanda are talking about Sonja’s performance, and they’re less than kind, especially Amanda.  What is with this Amanda person?  Hasn’t she seen what happens to the other women who tried to become Housewives by hogging camera time and acting like Where’s Waldo?  Beside, she has this really nasally voice.   Anyway, Amanda wants to become another of Harry’s girls, too and she tells him that he better have an impressive package.  He tells her that it’s better unwrapped.  Romance is officially dead.

LuAnn has invited everyone to her house for dinner and too many drinks.  Harry brings Amanda and Sonja is pissed.  Her exact comment was  “She shows up like a bad rash when Harry’s around.”   Carole and Heather have brought Heather’s personal trainer, Will, along and Carole seems to really like Will.  Heather sees Amanda and can’t seem to remember her name, calling her Megan, Mindy and Mandy.   Carole takes LuAnn aside for a little heart to heart in an effort to resolve their differences.  Aviva is stealthing around, steam coming out of her ears at the thought that the two women may actually let bygones be bygones.  LuAnn and Carole agree to move forward and hug.   Aviva notes that this is no coincidence and that Carole is playing chess.  Oh no – another game of chess with a new Bobby Fischer.

Aviva joins the other women and jumps right into another rant about Carole.  She swears on her good leg that Carole is just bad – bad to the bone.  Aviva is drunk as a skunk – one childhood trauma has been overcome.   Sonja tells Aviva that writing a book is a major accomplishment and she should be proud of that.  Aviva is giddy now that someone has validated her, even if that someone is Sonja who has yet to accomplish anything.  They kiss and hug and almost dance in the streets.  Kristen has nothing to say.

Carole and Heather come out to where the others are sitting, followed by Amanda, of course, who is even more drunker than Aviva.  Sonja announces that they’ve gotten to the bottom of bookgate which just thrills Carole to no end.  Not really, she’s not interested in talking about bookgate.   Aviva tells Heather how she threatened her in her own house. Heather says that that is Aviva’s MO.  She says Aviva character assassins.  I think she meant assassinate but none of them are anywhere near sober.   Aviva tells Heather to stop pointing at her and lower her voice.   This is beginning to look like Kelly Bensimon 2.0.  Sssh, stop talking. Be quiet. Don’t turn red.  Now everybody’s talking over everybody else and nothing makes sense.  LuAnn, bless her bejeweled self, stands up, claps her hands like a schoolyard monitor and says, “I’m the hostess.  You have to break it up.”  She wants everyone but Carole and Aviva to leave the room so they can talk things out but no one’s listening.  LuAnn stomps away, angry that she can’t control the group in her own house.  She did come back to offer them all dessert, though.

RHONY

Amanda joins the melee by slurring ” Not everybody is as equally as brilliant or as great of a writer.”  She may have been talking to herself or a lamp – I couldn’t tell.  Now Heather goes after Amanda telling her that Carole is her friend and she should stay out of it.  Amanda tells Heather,” Don’t go down that road.”  When Heather asks her what road, Amanda says “Being an asshole.  So be nice and walk the f**k away.”   She then stands up, sort of, and staggers out of the room muttering, “I’m gonna deck her in the face.”  Take note Amanda, that’s not how it works.  Punching someone in the face and decking them are two entirely different things. Heather hollers back, “Go ahead.  Deck me.”  See, that’s how it works.

Ramona knew enough to go to Africa and avoid all of it.

Empress

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 4 Reunion – Part…Oh, Who Cares

It really is all just tits on an ant, isn’t it?   After nineteen episodes and three weeks of reunions,  this group of women can’t come to terms over some of the most petty, asinine disagreements ever to hit the airways.   As viewers and bloggers, we have more combined experience with the Real Housewives of Bravo than the Housewives themselves, and yet they still think we’re as dumb as a box of rocks.   No one in their right mind or in real life would fight for months, even years, over some tabloid rumors, a waitress at a restaurant or whether they’re even friends.  Those of us who have to go to work, care for children, tend to our homes and keep our relationships in tact would have called it quits on these things a long time ago.  Watching these women and Andy Cohen carry on as if any of this matters is insulting and a waste of our time.

If we can, we try to watch with a sense of humor and irony at the sheer madness that Bravo produces.   We want to like someone, anyone, to prove to ourselves that any of it is interesting and entertaining.   However, we finally reach a point when the storylines become so ridiculous that we become disgusted at the whole thing.  We reached that point with the Real Housewives of New Jersey, where families would cut each others’ throats for their fifteen minutes.   We held out hope because Beverly Hills held promises of beauty and wealth, shopping on Rodeo Drive and parties at fabulous mansions.   Who knew that the most expensive zip code on the planet could turn into the setting for theater of the absurd and the women, wearing designer labels, could become nothing more than screeching, hateful harridans?  But that’s where we are and that’s what this franchise has become.

With Andy at the helm, this final part of the reunion was a disaster, not only for what we didn’t see, but for what we did.  Things were supposed to revealed and, in some way, I guess they were.   Lisa had a target on her back for the beginning of the season and the big reveal is that she’s human.   I didn’t expect perfection from her and I didn’t believe that she was anything more than another flawed human being.  To hear the other women tell it though, she could cast more spells than Carlton with a cauldron full of toad’s eyes and bat wings.   All of their good sense flew right out the window the second she locked eyes with them and they lost any ability to control their thoughts, words and actions.  How nice to have a built-in excuse for your own bad behavior.

We’re supposed to overlook that Kyle raised the tabloid issue as much, if not more, than Lisa did.  We’re not supposed to notice when Brandi takes her drunken self out into public, onto a podcast or Twitter and digs herself a hole so deep she can’t get out of it without a ladder.  We’re supposed to believe that Yolanda really cares about a paint party enough to despise not only Lisa, but her husband, as well.   Kim wants us to believe that Lisa’s friendship means so much to her that has to carry on about a graduation party until they next millennium.   More that that, though, Lisa would have us believe that she is the benevolent, innocent party who sees, hears and does nothing underhanded or hurtful.

They’re all nuts, really.  They’re nuts because they should never have signed up for this kind of television.  If there’s one thing Bravo loves and does well is bringing women together only to let us watch them tear each other to pieces.   That the women go along with it is totally on them, though.  They can change the direction of the shows by simply acting like civilized human beings.  Instead, they do Bravo’s bidding and allow themselves to be portrayed in a way no one should want to be seen.

We’re so good at watching these shows, that we know each and every trick in Bravo’s book.  There are dinners from hell, vacations from hell, parties from hell, charity events from hell and then, there’s always the “takedown”.   Someone always wants to take the crown from whomever is the queen of the franchise and, in certain cities, that may mean an all out wig-grabbing, stiletto-wielding, bitch-slapping brawl.     The stage is set from the very first episode and we can predict the outcome months before the season’s end.   It’s become the formula and the recipe for the predictable and  eventual disaster.  It’s also what is making some of us change the channel and find something else to watch that doesn’t raise our blood pressure.

I don’t know what Bravo has in store for Beverly Hills going forward.  Viewers are expressing their disappointment on all sorts of social media sites.   There’s even a petition to have Brandi fired, but given Bravo’s practices, that might mean a raise in pay is in her future.  As we’ve seen, the one who brings the most drama and the worst behavior is all too often rewarded.  We’ve wondered if a change in the cast members could help, but that’s seldom the answer.   If anything, Bravo looks for someone who is even worse than the devil we know.  There doesn’t seem to be a shortage of issue-riddled women willing to play the fool for the sake of fame and in the name of entertainment.

I’m not sure about what I’ll do when the next season of Beverly Hills begins – whether I’ll write about it or not.  Never say never, I guess.  I’m going to stick with New York for the rest of the season because I haven’t given up on it yet.   One thing I am certain of is that I’m going to do my level best not to take Twitter with more than a grain of salt.   It’s a war zone, and it sucks the life and fun out of what’s left of the Housewives.

I know this wasn’t a recap, but there really wasn’t more that I could say beyond what’s already been said about the Beverly Hills Housewives.  Thank you for reading my posts this season and for all of your wonderful, funny, insightful comments.  Most of all, thanks for not being “Housewives”.

If there was a fire and I had to choose, I wouldn’t even have to think about it.  I’d save Giggy.Giggy Vanderpump

 

Empress

 

 

 

Posted in BravoTV, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

The Walking Dead – A

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Hershel is dead but that doesn’t mean he’s gone.   It’s clear from the flashbacks and what is going on in Rick’s mind, that the kindness, wisdom and morality of Hershel have left a lasting impression on the Sheriff.  During those flashbacks, which dated back to the early days at the prison, Hershel is telling Rick about how much his leadership is needed.  Even more than that, Carl needs his father to teach him how to make a life in their new world.  He tells Rick that Carl may know how to shoot a gun, but the boy is losing his way and only his father can show him the way back.  He thinks Rick should start farming and should teach Carl how to plant vegetables and take care of pigs.  The prison is their home, for now at least, and making it a little better by raising and growing their own food is a good way to start making a life there.

Rick, Carl and Michonne are walking towards Terminus and are taking their time.  They sit at a campfire and joke about how hungry they are.  The three leave the fire to check their snares, hoping they’ve caught something for dinner.  A rabbit has been trapped and Rick shows his son how to tie the snare in a way that keeps the animals from getting away.  As they start back to camp, they hear a voice screaming for help.  Carl runs towards him but Rick stops him, telling him to stay away.  As they look on, they see a man in a clearing, beset by walkers, who dies before their eyes.

They decide to continue on and Carl asks his dad what they’re going to tell everyone when they arrive at Terminus.  Rick says that they’ll tell whoever they meet who they are.  Carl then asks “Who are we?”  That’s the same question they’re probably asking themselves, and one the viewers are beginning to wonder about.   Along the road, they find a truck and use it as a place to rest for the night.  As Carl sleeps inside the vehicle, Rick and Michonne talk about what to expect when they arrive.  Rick figures that the people there must have some system they use to allow people in, just as he did for new members of the group at the prison – the three questions that he asked everyone.

Their quiet moment is interrupted by Joe and his hunters who come from nowhere with Joe putting a gun to Rick’s head.  They’ve found the man they were looking for and want retribution for the death of their friend.  Joe says to Rick, “You screwed up asshole.  You hear me?  You screwed up.”   Before they can start their beat-down, Daryl steps forward and tells Joe that these are good people and Joe should let them go.  He offers his own blood for Rick’s.  Joe, following his own code, declares Daryl a liar and sentences him to death for violating the cardinal rule.  Joe explains to Rick that they’ll beat Daryl to death, then have the girl, then the boy, then they’ll shoot Rick.  Only after all this will the score be settled.   The others begin to kick and punch Daryl while Rick and Michonne sit helplessly by.  Another goon takes Carl out of the truck and attempts to rape him.  Rick can’t take any of it anymore and pushes his head back into Joe’s face, causing his gun to go off, then gets up and punches Joe.   Joe starts to fight with Rick and Rick bites Joe in the throat, walker style.   Michonne picks up Joe’s gun and shoots two of the stunned hunters.  The one with Carl puts a knife to the boy’s throat but then realizes he’s outnumbered.  As Daryl stomps the last of his attackers to death,  Rick takes the last one’s knife away and guts him.Chandler Riggs as Carl Grimes on the Season 4 finale of "The Walking Dead."The next morning, Rick is leaning against the truck, covered in blood.  Michonne is inside with Carl in her lap.  Daryl approaches Rick with some water to clean up his face.  Daryl begins to apologize for being with the hunters.  He tells Rick that he didn’t know what they were; sure they were bad, but they had a code, a simple, stupid code.  Rick asks if Beth is dead and Daryl says that she’s just gone.  That’s when the hunters found him and he went along with them.  Rick tells Daryl that none of this is one him.  “You’re back with us here, now.  You’re my brother.”  Daryl takes a second, then tells Rick that what he did last night, anybody would’ve done.  “Something happened.  That’s not you.”  Rick says that it is him, it’s who he is now.  “All that matters is I keep Carl safe.”  Carl and Michonne hear every word.The Walking Dead

They start their journey again, walking on the tracks.  Rick asks Michonne if she’s okay.  She says she is and he tells her he is, too.  They’re not, of course, but they say what the other needs to hear.  Daryl says that they’re close to Terminus and will be there by sundown.  They head off into the woods to take at look at the Sanctuary from a safe distance.   Before they go ahead, Rick buries a bag with some weapons, outside the fence, telling Daryl, “Just in case.”   Rick wants them to spread out and see what they can see.  He asks Carl is he wants to go with him, but Carl chooses to join Michonne instead.  Michonne, asks Carl why he didn’t go with his Dad, but the boy doesn’t answer.  She then tells him that he never asked her how her son, Andre died.  She says the how is important, and starts to tell him about the refugee camp and the failure by Mike, the baby’s father, and Terry, her friend, to take care of Andre when things went bad.  As she came back from a supply run, she heard the sounds of the dying.  Mike and Terry were high at the time and couldn’t do much to help the baby.  When she found them,  she decided not to finish them, but to cut off their jaws and arms so that they could protect her from walkers.  “I was gone a log time.  Andrea brought me back.”  She tells Carl that she sees how he looks at his Dad and the boy finally explains why he’s been so moody and distant.  “He told me he was proud of me but I’m not what he thinks I am.  I’m a monster, too.”

The four meet back up and climb a chain link fence into Terminus.  They wander into a building where people are working and one woman is broadcasting the announcement about Terminus to anyone with a radio.  One man turns and asks the group if they’re there to rob them.  Rick says,” No, we wanted to see you before you saw us.”  The man introduces himself as Gareth and Rick introduces the group.  Gareth tells them not be nervous, the welcome wagon is a whole lot nicer.  He then asks them to allow another resident, Alex,  to check their weapons.  Gareth explains, “We’re not those kind of people but we’re not stupid either.  As long as we’re clear, we shouldn’t have any problems, just solutions.”   The group’s weapons are given back and they’re lead outside by Alex.  Daryl asks how long the place has been there and he’s told that it’s existed almost since the beginning.

When they reach Stepford Mary, she offers to fix them some plates of food.  Rick’s cop eyes begin to pick up on things that look too familiar.  He sees Maggie’s poncho, the riot gear they had at the prison and then sees Hershel’s watch in Alex’s pocket.  He jumps the guy, tears the watch from him and demands to know where they got these things.  Their answers don’t add up, but now there’s a shooter on the roof, with a rifle trained on the group.  He fires, striking Alex and the group tries to run.  They get inside one building, hear voices crying for help, and find a room filled with candles, weird circles on the floor and slogans on the walls stating things like “Never trust” and “We First Always.”  As doors start to close on them, the group runs back outside where more shooters are firing in their direction, purposely not hitting them, driving them in a certain direction.

They know they’re out numbered and outgunned, so they stop.  Gareth tells them to drop their weapons and orders them to move towards a rail car marked “A”.   He reduces the group to objects by deliberately not using their names – Rick becomes  “ringleader”, Daryl, “the archer” and Michonne, “samurai”.   He then tells them to enter the door of the car in that order.  When Rick asks about Carl,  Gareth says “Go, kid.”   The group enters the rail car and the door closes behind them.  Inside, they find Glenn, Maggie, Bob, Sasha, Abe, Rosita and Eugene.   Maggie explains to the others that these four are their friends.   Rick says “They’re going to feel pretty stupid when they find out.”  Abe asks, “Find out what?”  Rick tells hims, “That they’re screwing with the wrong people.”

None of the major characters met their death, which is perfectly alright with me.  Some very bad guys needed killing and they got what they had coming to them.  We don’t know if Carol, Tyreese and Judith have already made it to Terminus or are still on their way.  Beth’s whereabouts and welfare are still unknown.  Any doubt that the good people of Terminus are cannibals has been put to rest, though.  The Walking Dead will be back in October and that means a long Summer without our group of survivors.

Empress

 

Posted in Walking Dead | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Saturday Special – This dog is nuts..

Hello, It’a Saturday again, and yes, I’m still here. I have read time and time again that those who make online frienships only do so because they cannot make them in real life. The same people who say that will also tell us that those online friendships are worthless. I am back to tell you, I could not disagree more. First of all, you are all great to talk to and even sometimes argue with. As long as the arguments are about subjects no one really gives a shit about such as the state of the psuedo celebrities.

A couple weeks ago as most of you know, I had to say goodbye to Melvin, my companion of 13 years. I made an announcement here just to let everyone know, he met with a peaceful end. I am absolutely stunned at the outpouring from you all. None knows how much it meant to me.. There were even offers to help get a new furface to take Mel’s place, one of which almost resulted in a successful adoption. Due to logistics and distance it didn’t quite work out. None of those things was insurmountable as an anything it took offer was made.. In the end though, it turned out that a local adoption was probably best for all involved.

With that, I went today to the same shelter I got Melvin from all those years ago. I didn’t plan on walking out of there with a dog, just to have a look-see. I saw several candidates, all of which needing some help of some sort.  Say hello to Littlebit.. I will probably change her name, kind of leaning towards Lucy… She was wearing one of those cones when I first saw her, apparently she liked to chew her tail. I removed the cone when I got her home though, so I could see what she really looked like.

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The adoption paperwork says she is 9 months old, about 25-30 pounds, and….. wait for it…. a Border Collie…. Go ahead and laugh, I’ll wait. I’m going to be mean and say what I really think. The people at this Michigan Humane Society branch. have got to be the dumbest people on the face of the planet. How the hell anybody could look at that face and get, Border Collie, is beyond me. She may be mix with something somewhere but that, is a pit bull. They also told me she’s housebroken but so far, the only place she’s gone, is in the house. Whether she wants to be or not, she will be crate trained. They also told me she was, or in progress of being crate trained. This isn’t quite what I wanted but she’s here now.. Only problem right now is I don’t know if I can handle her on a leash. First attempt at walking her nearly face planted me on to the concrete.. She is a strong little shit… That’s what I’ll call the bad.

On the upside, in the house, she’s extremely loving as long as she’s occupied. She Is a puppy still after all. Melvin had a collection of bones, from steaks, that we kept under the TV.. Once she began to settle in, she proceeded to toss them all over the house. She doesn’t shy from the camera and will even pose. She isn’t a barker unless she sees something. I suspect that as time moves on, she’s become a little more vocal. She doesn’t jump on the furniture but picks a spot and lays down. She can sit and stay without jerking her around by the neck. She wasn’t too impressed with the cookies I bought for her but maybe it’s just a matter of taste. The fact she made business in the house, may be partly my fault. She may have tried to tell me she needed to go out while I was back here playing with pictures and I just didn’t get the signal.. Melvin never told me, he just waited until I let him out and took care of business while he was out there.

Kind of a funny story.. I’m, diabetic and sometimes I begin to lose balance especially if I have been on my feet for a long time. When I told the people at the shelter I would be taking the dog, I went out to my truck to have a smoke while they began the paperwork.. Apparently I stumbled a bit as if I were drunk.. The case worker and his manager came out to make sure I knew what I was doing because ‘they’ detected that ‘I may have been under the influence’ of something, drugs or alcohol, and they weren’t going to let me take the dog. I found that quite insulting, them suggesting that, rather than making any effort to find out if there may be a health reason for my apparent behavior. Not to the point of leaving the dog though..

I just hope she doesn’t start chewing her tail again because there is no way in hell that cone is going back on her. I’m sure she’ll mellow out some once she’s been here a little while and we get to know each other a little more.. If nothing else, should be an interesting ride :D

Posted in Mel The Hound's Weekend Special | 77 Comments
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